Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay Demand Avoidance: Why It's Not Always Pathological-Daniel Dashnaw
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Oct 7, 2025 In this engaging discussion, Daniel Dashnaw, a couples therapist and co-founder of Couples Therapy Inc., redefines demand avoidance as a spectrum behavior that signals unmet needs rather than pathology. He highlights how transition stress impacts demand avoidance, drawing parallels between children's overt reactions and adults' subtler behaviors. Daniel advocates externalizing demand avoidance to foster understanding and communication in families, emphasizing the importance of empathy and shared narratives in reducing conflict. His insights offer a compassionate framework for navigating neurodiverse relationships.
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Transition Stress Shapes Demand Avoidance
- Transition stress and limited attention are common in neurodiverse lived experience and shape demand avoidance.
- Neuronormative people often don't experience these bandwidth limits, causing misunderstanding.
Externalize Demand Avoidance Gently
- Externalize demand avoidance as a visitor, not a fixed trait, to reduce blame and open dialogue.
- Recognize elements like discomfort with being told what to do and a strong need for autonomy.
Kids Are Overt; Adults Mask
- Children show demand avoidance loudly with meltdowns while adults mask and become strategic.
- Adults often present sociable behavior while still struggling internally due to perfected masking.