UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone 461. Coaching Hotline: Clothing Confidence & Needing Reassurance in Dating
Jan 27, 2026
A coaching hotline tackles wardrobe anxiety and why chasing the perfect outfit never quite fixes self-judgment. The conversation also explores needing constant reassurance in new dating and how we outsource emotional safety to others. Practical thought-work and mindset shifts are highlighted to help build confidence from within.
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Confidence Is Projection, Not Clothes
- You project your self-judgment onto others and assume they'll judge your clothes the way you judge yourself.
- Changing clothes won't fix confidence because you're trying to control your brain with your outfit.
Clothes Attempt To Control Feelings
- When you try to control others' opinions with clothing, you're actually trying to control your own feelings.
- Emotional security from clothes is temporary because it targets circumstances, not beliefs.
Work On The Thought, Not The Outfit
- Figure out the exact thought you have about yourself and change that thought directly.
- Practice intentional thoughts (e.g., "all my clothes look good") while doing deeper confidence work.