255: Why Do I Keep Snapping? Parenting Rage When Your Childhood ‘Wasn’t That Bad

Do you find yourself going from zero to a hundred in seconds when your child spills something, refuses to cooperate, or has a meltdown? If you're constantly asking yourself, "Why do I keep snapping at my child?" or "Why am I so angry as a parent?" - you're definitely not alone. Many parents struggle with parenting triggers that seem to come out of nowhere, leaving them wondering how such small incidents can create such big reactions.   What if your childhood "wasn't that bad" but you're still dealing with parenting anger? In this episode, we explore the connection between unknown childhood trauma and parenting triggers through a real coaching session with Terese, a teacher and mom of three who found herself snapping at her kids despite having plenty of support at home.   You'll discover how unresolved childhood trauma in adults shows up in parenting - even when we don't recognize our experiences as traumatic - and learn practical strategies to break generational cycles of yelling and reactivity.  

Questions this episode will answer

Can you have childhood trauma and not know it? Yes - many adults don't recognize patterns like walking on eggshells or constant criticism as signs of unresolved childhood trauma, but these experiences still create parenting triggers and shape how we respond to stress as parents.   Why do I get so angry as a parent when my childhood wasn't traumatic? Unknown childhood trauma often involves seemingly "normal" experiences that still create triggers in our nervous system, causing us to react intensely to situations that mirror our past, even if we don't identify our upbringing as traumatic.   What are the signs of unresolved childhood trauma in adults? Signs include quick reactivity to minor issues, parenting anger over small things, feeling like everything is "your fault," difficulty with self-compassion, and repeating patterns you experienced as a child - even from childhoods that seemed "fine."   How do I stop getting angry with my child? Breaking the cycle of parenting triggers involves recognizing your unknown childhood trauma patterns, meeting your basic needs (like movement and rest), and developing self-compassion instead of self-judgment.   How to deal with rage as a parent? Start by identifying your baseline needs, practice self-compassion when you do snap, work to separate your mother's voice from your own thoughts, and understand that parenting anger often stems from unresolved trauma and parenting patterns.   Why am I so triggered by my child when I had a normal childhood? Children often activate our own childhood wounds through their behavior, especially when it mirrors situations where we felt criticized or blamed as kids - even in families we remember as loving or "normal."  

What you'll learn in this episode

You'll hear how one parent's story of snapping over a bike ride reveals deeper patterns rooted in unknown childhood trauma - growing up with a mother who yelled frequently in what she considered a "normal" household. We explore how seemingly typical childhoods involving walking on eggshells create adults who struggle with self-compassion and parenting triggers, even when they don't identify their experiences as traumatic.   Discover practical strategies for addressing unresolved childhood trauma in adults, including how to identify your movement and rest baselines, why self-compassion is crucial for breaking cycles of parenting anger, and how to recognize when you're thinking critical thoughts rather than accepting them as truth. You'll learn why meeting your basic needs isn't selfish when dealing with parenting triggers - it's essential for showing up as the parent you want to be.   We also address how unresolved trauma and parenting intersect, showing you how to separate your own childhood experiences from your current parenting challenges. This episode offers hope for parents dealing with anger issues, demonstrating that understanding your triggers - even those rooted in unknown childhood trauma - is the first step toward responding to your kids with more patience and connection, regardless of whether you consider your childhood traumatic.  

Ready to go deeper?

If Terese's story resonates with you - if you find yourself snapping at your kids over small things and wondering why you can't just stay calm - you're not alone. Many parents have discovered that understanding their triggers is the key to lasting change.   The Taming Your Triggers workshop takes you through the same process you heard in today's episode, but goes much deeper. You'll uncover the childhood roots of your reactions, learn to recognize your patterns before they escalate, and develop the self-compassion that makes real transformation possible.   You don’t have to white-knuckle your way through parenting or try harder to control your emotions. Through the workshop, you'll get practical tools to meet your needs, heal old wounds, and respond to your children from a place of connection instead of reactivity.   Ready to stop feeling like you're failing your kids and start showing up as the parent you know you can be?   Join the waitlist and we'll let you know when doors reopen. Click the banner to learn more!     Jump to highlights 01:29 Introduction to today’s episode 04:32 Terese is telling her experience where she snapped, from zero to a hundred 09:33 Terese shares about her childhood 13:18 Terese often notices she sometimes snaps at her children, and she's wondering if this connects to her own childhood experiences with her mother, who often yelled and blamed her 25:15 What Terese would advise her friend if that “snapping” situation happened to her 32:54 Tools that can help when you feel that you’re about to snap 33:55 An open invitation to the Taming Your Triggers workshop