How to Balance Giving Kids Structure and Control - Weekend Wisdom

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Question: First, I wanted to thank you for your incredible podcast. I’m not a parent (I only recently graduated from college), but I have volunteered in group homes for foster care children for the past couple of years. Your podcast has not only helped me to work more effectively with the kids I see but has also given me insight into what I want to do in my career. I hope to research and work with families involved with the foster care system in the future, and your podcast has allowed me to learn from so many interesting and diverse perspectives. My question is: how do you balance giving children who have experienced trauma both a sense of control and structure? From the kids I’ve worked with, I’ve noticed that many of them tend to act out the most when they feel like they don’t have control. This makes sense to me, as I imagine almost all kids in foster care have had a severe lack of control in their lives. However, I’ve also heard that kids who have experienced trauma benefit from having a strict structure in their lives. These two ideas seem somewhat antithetical to each other, but both seem important. How do you recommend parents and practitioners give children both a sense of control over their lives and provide them with structure so they have a sense of safety? Thank you again for your wonderful podcast, it truly has made such a difference in how I think about the foster care system. I look forward to listening to your podcast every week.

Resources:

• Free E-Guide: Parenting a Child Exposed to Trauma
• Helping a Child Heal from Trauma
• Parenting Kids with Challenging Behavior
• Raising Foster Children

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