Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Do you sometimes feel that self-care is an impossible goal when you are parenting kids who have experienced trauma? There isn’t enough time in the day to do it all, much less take care of yourself. Or is there? Join us to talk about how to find time to take care of yourself. We will talk with Angelica Jones, MSW, Program Director of Intercountry Services and the Intensive Service Foster Care Recruiter and Trainer at Vista Del Mar Child and Family Services.In this episode, we discuss:“Selfcare” or “take care of yourself” are overused but still vitally important terms for foster, adoptive, and kinship parents.Why do all parents but especially parents of kids who’ve experienced trauma need to practice self-care?What is secondary trauma?Why are kids who’ve experience neglect, abuse and other childhood traumas harder to  parent?Challenging BehaviorsLearning disabilitiesThe busyness of foster and adoptive parenting.So many appointments (therapy, OT, tutoring, doctors, IEP meetings, social workers, birth family visits, etc.)Helping with education-homework struggles.Dealing with the emotional fallout from early life trauma.What are some of the barriers to taking care of ourselves as adoptive, foster or kinship parents?The importance of respite care and the barriers to parents using it.Practical ideas for providing self-care.Think small when thinking self-care.Ask for help and accept it when offered. If someone offers to help, say “yes” and suggest something specific.Parent Support groupsSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: We adopted our son at birth, and he is about to turn one already. I deeply care about his birth parents and have tried very hard to maintain a relationship with them. Even during many months of no contact, I think about them every day. Our only post-placement visit with them was at 2 1/2 months. They have no-showed for all the other visits they asked for, and have gone several months at a time without responding to contact. They missed a visit 2 weeks ago and have finally reached back out asking to plan another. Visits require 6 hours of driving and coordinating time off from work. They do not drive and would not have any means of travelling to us. Our plan was to do visits 2-4 times a year. We offered to plan another visit the week of his birthday. I also offered to send weekly text updates. I work in healthcare and need to be very present in my job and prefer not to be on my phone when I am home with my family, so I do not text anyone much during the week. I am now being asked to provide daily updates and to do visits monthly. I don't even respond to my best friend more than once or twice a week because it is hard for me to keep up with messages. I am also not convinced that increasing the frequency of visits will help them follow through on attending them due to the pattern that has occurred so far. I am feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to move forward in a way that is loving and respectful, but also sustainable for our family and best for our son.Resources:5 Tips for Navigating Sticky Situations with Birth ParentsCreating Relationship with Birth Parents in Adoption (Even When It's Hard!)Mama on Earth: A Guest Article on Co-ParentingOpen Adoption Can Be MessyOur #1 Secret Tip for Navigating Open AdoptionSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Why do our kids melt down, act out, or regress during the holiday season? Listen to our conversation with Dr. David Adams to learn what is going on and what you can do about it to make this holiday season more enjoyable for you all. He is an adoptive and foster dad, a licensed psychologist, and a licensed professional counselor. He is the Founding Director and President of New Life Psychology Group in Laguna Hills, California, and an expert trainer of Foster and Kinship Care Education (FKCE) at Saddleback College. He has also recently written and released the book, Trauma-Informed Foster and Adoptive Parenting: Methods for Managing Meltdowns, Mishaps, and Maladaptive Behaviors.In this episode, we discuss:What are some of the reasons that holidays are hard for children who are adopted or are in foster care?What kind of behaviors do parents and caregivers commonly see that are likely related to those challenges around holidays?Sleep challengesFeeding challengesIncreased anxiety, fear, insecurityImpulsivityDysregulation (louder than usual, bigger emotional response than normal for this child)How do these behaviors relate to the reasons holidays are hard for our kids? What’s the connection between that outward behavior and the internal need or hurt?Can you provide us with a few practical strategies for addressing these behaviors? Let’s break them down by age:Toddler and preschoolersSchool-aged childrenTweens and Teens (into young adults)What trauma-sensitive preparations or preventative actions can we take to minimize the challenging behaviors and help our kids feel safe, supported, and able to find healing?What is compassion fatigue? What signs should we look for to help us identify our risk during this holiday season?Strategies to help parents and caregivers plan now for a less-stressful holiday season.Additional Resources:Set Your Family Up for Success This Holiday SeasonTips for Managing Your Picky EaterStrategies to Manage Holiday StressSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: My adoptive child was contacted by the birth mother, never contacted us, it has caused chaos in our family. The parents that adopt kids are never considered after raising a child for over 20 years to give them back. Resources:Adoptive Mom Feels Left Out at Son’s Reunion with Birth MotherWhat You Need to Know about Open Adoption5 Tips for Navigating Sticky Situations with Birth ParentsAdvice to My Pre-Adoptive Parent SelfSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.How do you handle sleep struggles when raising a child who has been impacted by trauma, prenatal substance exposure, or other challenges? Listen to our conversation with Dr. Chris Winter, a sleep researcher and neurologist who has practiced sleep medicine and neurology since 2004. He is also the author of The Rested Child: Why Your Tired, Wired or Irritable Child May Have A Sleep Disorder--And How To Help, and hosts the podcast Sleep Unplugged with Dr. Chris Winter.In this episode, we discuss:Understanding the value of sleep and reframing the conversation about expectations and what your child needs to support overall health, development, and wellbeing.What makes adopted, foster, or kinship children particularly vulnerable to sleep challenges?How might a child’s early trauma and experiences of loss — such as separation from birth families or multiple moves — show up in their sleep patterns? What effects do frequent environmental changes have on a child’s sleep?How might prenatal exposure to substances (e.g., opioids, alcohol, others) impact a child’s sleep?What may be the challenges that children with neurodiversity (Down syndrome, ADHD, ASD etc) experience?What are the practical strategies you have found successful in helping families with sleep disturbances?Why is it important to teach our kids the value of rest—even without sleep?What should we consider when setting up a consistent routine and sleep-friendly setting for our kids?When is it time to seek professional evaluation—like a sleep study or specialist referral for our kids?What guidance do you offer caregivers to help them stay consistent, avoid burnout, and model healthy sleep habits?Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: How should I deal with an adoptive child with a people-pleasing personality? I want to prevent the anxiety that comes with that, but I'm not sure how. Resources:6 Tips for Creating AttachmentHow to Cultivate Resilience in Your Kids7 Character Traits Your Kids Need to ThriveSigns Your Child Might Be People Pleasing and How to HelpSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.How do you manage daily expenses and budgeting when you are a foster or kinship caregiving family? We speak with Nicole Valenzuela, a foster parent and founder of Fostering Finances, to learn about simplified budgeting practices and healthy mindsets for managing money.In this episode, we discuss:What are the financial challenges that foster and kinship families commonly face?How do those challenges differ between kinship caregivers and licensed foster parents?Are there particular challenges for LGBTQ+ and BIPOC foster or kinship families?What about single foster parents or kinship caregivers?What are the day-to-day costs that aren’t always covered by stipends or allowances? What hurdles might the informal caregivers face (those not participating in the foster care system while caring for a relative child) in accessing services or support?What financial supports may be available but underutilized by foster and kinship families?What are the Kinship Navigator Programs? How can they help — where are they found, etc.?What are some tax strategies or credits that families caring for foster or kin children may be eligible for?How can caregivers build a small financial buffer for the inevitable emergency that comes with raising kids? What advice do you give around savings or flexibility?Suggestions for simple budgeting or expense-tracking strategies that foster or kinship families might implement right away?What are some low-cost ways for foster parents or grandparents raising grandkids to meet these kids’ needs while preserving their dignity?What other effective community-level initiatives or organizations are you aware of that support these families?How can caregivers locate and tap into similar resources in their own communities?How do caregivers decide which financial strategies to focus on first?What practical steps can they take to set in motion a plan to stabilize their household finances over the next 6 months?What are some early small wins that build confidence—say, saving a few dollars a week, or successfully claiming a benefit?What is a scarcity mindset and what are signs that a caregiver might be struggling with scarcity mindset?What are the top three ‘practical financial strategies’ you’d want every foster or kinship caregiver to walk away with from today?Finally, what’s your best encouragement to caregivers who feel overwhelmed by financial pressures?Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: My husband and I are considering whether we will open our special needs consideration to include children who are HIV+. We have already been approved to adopt from India, and as our home study update approaches, we are taking a good, hard look at the Special Needs list again. I was listening to your podcast episode on this topic from 2013 and wondered if this was worth an updated episode? Has much changed for families living with HIV?Resources:Factors to Consider When Adopting from IndiaCountry Comparison ChartsCommon Special Needs in International AdoptionSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.What strategies can parents and caregivers implement in their homes to help reduce the risk that their children may be sexually abused? Learn practical parenting tools from this conversation with Dr. Eliana Gil, the founder of the Gil Institute for Trauma Recovery and Education. She specializes in the assessment and treatment of trauma in children, especially those who have been sexually abused.In this episode, we discuss:Why should adoptive and foster parents and relative caregivers learn about the risks for sexual abuse of children in our community and how to prevent it?How can parents or caregivers tell the difference between normal childhood curiosity and behaviors that may signal a problem?What are some warning signs that might give parents or caregivers a clue to dig deeper into problematic behaviors they observe?If a child is showing some of these concerning behaviors, what are some practical and supportive ways caregivers can respond?Why is it preventative for parents and caregivers to use correct anatomical terms with kids?Can you offer a few practical suggestions for parents and caregivers to get more comfortable with correct terminology, if they find this an obstacle to equipping and educating their kids?What signs should parents and caregivers be on the lookout for – things that may suggest a child has been abused?5 categories: fear/anxiety, depression, sexual acting out, attachmentEmphasize that no single sign proves abuse but patterns and context matter.If a caregiver suspects abuse, what steps should they take?What is the parents’ or caregiver’s role once they have reported to the proper authorities?What are some everyday preventative practices families can put in place to keep kids safe while also allowing them to grow in healthy ways?Protective, not paranoidOpen communication in the homeSupervision by safe adultsSafe boundaries in the homeTeaching consent and respectModeling healthy relationshipsAny last words of advice for adoptive parents, foster parents, or relative caregivers about protecting their kids from sexual abuse? Support the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Question: My husband and I are in the process of adopting a waiting child internationally. This is our first adoption and we will soon be waiting to be matched with a child. I teach in higher education and my schedule is coordinated about nine months out. I am working with my supervisors to try and make sure my schedule for the next year is flexible to account for uncertain adoption timing. It has been so difficult to try and navigate this with my job, especially because my institution has very limited options for paid parental leave. I'm wondering if you have any insight into how to discuss a few of my questions with my employer:How to manage unpredictable adoption timelines that may require mid-semester leave on minimal notice,Explaining the necessity of time off work to bond with our new child, without the physical recovery needs that traditional birth includes, and That while teaching online is an option, balancing teaching online with international travel and a critical bonding period is very daunting. If you have any insight into how to discuss these topics with my employer, or any additional details I should be considering, I would love to hear your thoughts. I should say that my supervisors are very supportive and excited for my family, and they are open to creative solutions. These are just uncharted waters at my institution. I love listening to your podcast every week and my husband and I have learned so much from you all while we've been on our adoption journey!Resources:How Can I Get Paid Leave for My Adoption?The Movement Project: Relationship & Parental Recognition: State Family Leave Laws Center for Parental Leave LeadershipSupport the showPlease leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: Weekly podcasts Weekly articles/blog posts Resource pages on all aspects of family building