Love in Action Mitch Warner: An Updated Exploration of the Classic Book, "Leadership and Self-Deception"
Episode Recap:
Marcel and guest Mitch Warner discuss the impact of Arbinger Institute’s work, particularly the book "Leadership and Self-Deception," on organizational transformation and the importance of self-awareness and humility in leadership. They also explored the concept of self-deception and its impact on decision-making and relationships, emphasizing the need for accurate perception and the ability to see oneself and others clearly for effective leadership. Lastly, they discussed strategies for overcoming self-deception and improving workplace relationships, including adopting an “outward mindset.”
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Quotes:
- “This new need in my life is all-consuming; it’s the need to be justified for not seeing you and responding to you truthfully, as a person. So how do I get that justification? In the very way I got it in that moment—by seeing you and me falsely, by deceiving myself.” [14:20] Guest Mitch Warner discusses self-deception across both the workplace and personal life. Self-deception is essentially lying to ourselves, often resulting in misplaced blame and sacrificing our happiness, success, and results.
- “We will never see the lie that we’re telling ourselves, even though we’re the ones telling it. Because we need it and want it to be true, so we have to look for the red flags.” [19:10] Mitch emphasizes that we rarely recognize our own self-deception. Instead, we must stay vigilant for warning signs in our behavior. These red flags may appear in various forms, such as internally “lawyering up” to justify actions or avoiding others entirely. These signals suggest that something may be amiss, and we need the courage to follow them.
- “Anytime I, as a leader, walk around with an image of myself, that will undermine and undercut my effectiveness in every single leadership situation.” [22:29] Holding onto a particular self-image limits effective leadership, as Mitch explains. True leadership is about being present with and responsive to those around us without the interference of ego.
- “Anytime we encounter dysfunction, we find what we call collusion... groups that are mutually in self-destructive self-deception.” [30:24] This damaging behavior often permeates organizations at every level, creating a destructive “dance” in which self-deception feeds on itself across teams.
- “Once I’ve regained a sense of the humanity of the people around me, then I regain my effectiveness. Because now we’re just together in a different kind of connected way.” [32:45] Mitch illustrates how adopting an “Outward Mindset” changes our behavior by enabling us to see people as inherently valuable, as we see ourselves.
- Key Takeaway: “Go meet to learn, NOT meet to get.” [39:23] Mitch challenges listeners to schedule one meeting with no agenda—just genuine curiosity. This non-agenda conversation offers a chance to identify and address self-deception, fostering better understanding and collaboration
Mentioned in this episode:
Leadership and Self-Deception - Get the book from Arbinger
Arbinger Institute
Matt Warner on LinkedIn