The Jefferson Fisher Podcast You’ve Been Talking All Wrong in Difficult Conversations
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Oct 21, 2025 Discover how small changes in language can transform difficult conversations. Learn why 'you' statements create defensiveness and how 'I' statements foster understanding. Find out how weak disclaimers can undermine your message and why sometimes silence is more powerful. Jefferson shares techniques for reframing discussions to avoid circular arguments and clarify next steps. Equip yourself with these insights to communicate with impact and respect!
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Start With I Not You
- Avoid starting sentences with "you" because it triggers defensiveness in the other person.
- Begin statements with "I" to claim feelings and control them instead of blaming someone else.
Drop Weak Disclaimers
- Stop prefacing comments with disclaimers like "I don't mean to..." since they signal looming attack.
- Either state the tough observation plainly or say "This will probably sound..." to reduce backlash.
Reframe And Roadmap The Talk
- Reframe conversations by labeling topics and roadmapping where you're headed to avoid circular arguments.
- Use "we" and explicit transitions (e.g., facts, feelings, next steps) to land the discussion and plan actions.