275: 3 Levels Of Confidence That Define Your Life (W/ Ed Mylett)
Dec 11, 2024
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Dive into the world of real self-love and confidence as Ed Mylett discusses its complex layers. Discover the vital difference between surface confidence and identity confidence, crucial for true self-worth. Explore how to redefine self-love beyond mere achievements and embrace it unconditionally. Learn practical tips for practicing self-care even on tough days and stop the cycle of comparison with others. This conversation is packed with insights that could transform your view on personal identity and growth.
Confidence is developed through three levels, emphasizing the importance of diversifying identity sources to build resilience against insecurities.
True self-love requires redefining self-worth beyond achievements, fostering unconditional acceptance of oneself and promoting personal growth without self-judgment.
Deep dives
Three Levels of Confidence
Confidence can be understood through three distinct levels that shape how we perceive ourselves and present ourselves to the world. The first level is surface confidence, which pertains to how body language, speech patterns, and overall demeanor can create an outward illusion of confidence. The second level, identity confidence, is foundational and consists of the skills, relationships, and experiences that underpin a person’s self-assurance. This level emphasizes the importance of diversifying the sources of identity confidence to avoid an overwhelming reliance on specific achievements or roles, which can lead to crises if those facets are ever compromised.
The Impact of Identity on Confidence
Identity plays a crucial role in how individuals experience confidence, often serving as both a source of strength and potential vulnerability. Personal identity can encompass various elements such as career success or individual traits, and losing a significant aspect of one’s identity—whether through job loss or relationship breakdown—can lead to a profound sense of insecurity and despair. The metaphor of a 'matrix' is used to explain how different aspects contribute to one's confidence, highlighting that if someone identifies too heavily with a single role or trait, their confidence can unravel when that identity is challenged. Diversifying one's sources of identity can provide a buffer against these crises, allowing for a more resilient sense of self.
Redefining Self-Love
The notion of self-love requires a significant redefinition to be truly meaningful and helpful in fostering self-acceptance. Rather than basing self-worth on achievements or positive attributes—similar to a report card system—self-love should stem from an inherent understanding of one’s value as a person. Comparing this to unconditional parental love, it becomes clear that the relationship with oneself must function without conditions linked to performance; love should exist simply because one is who they are. This shift allows individuals to acknowledge their flaws while still cultivating a loving relationship with themselves, ultimately fostering growth and self-improvement without self-judgment.
I had so many amazing conversations while promoting my new book "Love Life" in 2024, and this month I want to share some clips from a few of my favorites with you. In this conversation, I talk to entrepreneur and best selling author Ed Mylett (@EdMylett) about the model for REAL self-love (and why it's so difficult), how to achieve both outer confidence and deep inner confidence, exercising real self-care on your worst days, how stop comparing yourself with others, and more! ►► FREE Video Training: “Dating With Results” → http://www.DatingWithResults.com ►► Ask Matthew AI Your Biggest Dating Question for Free Now at. . . → http://www.AskMH.com ►► Order My New Book, "Love Life" at → http://www.LoveLifeBook.com ►► Check out Ed's podcast "The Ed Mylett Show"
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