Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens Eps 122: Shameproof Parenting with Mercedes Samudio
Welcome Mercedes Samudio. For almost a decade, Mercedes has been working with families to help them develop healthy communication skills, manage severe emotional issues, develop coping skills to manage behaviors, create dynamic parent-child relationships, and navigate social media & technology as a family.
Throughout the course of her career she has worked with adoptive families, foster families, teen parents, parents navigating the child protective services system, and children living with mental illness.
In 2014, Mercedes began to transition into her private practice where she focuses on parent coaching and guiding families to reducing unwanted behaviors, developing effective parenting strategies, creating healthy communication habits, and designing social media/tech plans for their household.
Content:
- Mercedes talks about her background experience with teen parents
- Supporting parents in being confident in their ever evolving parenting identity
- Where #endparentshaming came from
- Others/media offering mixed judgments – no one changes when they feel shame/unsafe
- Movement to get people to see that even when others are doing things you don’t agree with, how to step into empathy to see where they need support
- People doing the best they can with the tools they have
- Shame as a defense to our own discomfort
- “Raising a human while trying to be authentically human yourself”
- You are bigger than your parent role
- Take time to focus on self and partner as a tool for surrendering to what your child’s current challenge is
- When we focus solely on our child’s mistakes, all we see are their mistakes
- Bring the skills/areas of other parts of our life into the parts that feel a bit shakey
- 10,000 feet view
- We have our own shame conversations….
- Reframe the expectations you have of yourself
- Example: how do you deal with things when you are angry?
- What do I need, what can I do for myself?
- How can I use my support system to help me?
- The misperception that conscious parenting shouldn’t be hard
- Conscious parenting requires us to be conscious parenting
- 18:30 quote
- People are attached to their shame – the stories feel familiar
- Figure out what your stories are that take you to shame
- People grow and change in space that is free from shame and judgement
- Considering FOO – Family Of Origin
- Write down why these relationships matter to you
- Still want connection…
- Let them know WHY you want to stay connected (be specific)
- Then, share what it is that you are going to be practicing and invite the family member into supporting you
- Ask for alignment
- CONNECT BEFORE CORRECT (not just for kids J )
- Set you boundaries to keep YOUR bucket full for YOU family
- Shameproof Parenting by Mercedes
- How to build support with other parents and non parents
- A shame proof village!
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
Being able to find joy even in the times when it’s not happening... I’m still showing up.
Where to find Mercedes:
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices