Learn tips and techniques for small talk, including establishing appropriate goals, slowing down the conversation, being inquisitive, communicating with structure, initiating and ending conversations effectively.
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Quick takeaways
Small talk can lead to meaningful connections and personal growth by reframing it as a collaborative game instead of a test.
Being interested, rather than interesting, in small talk situations reduces anxiety, fosters connection, and allows for more thoughtful responses.
Deep dives
The Power of Small Talk for Connection and Growth
Small talk is often misunderstood and undervalued, but it can lead to meaningful connections and personal growth. Small talk allows us to learn about others and ourselves, collaborate, and create future opportunities. By reframing small talk as a collaborative game instead of a test, we can make it enjoyable and less intimidating.
Establishing Appropriate Goals and Reducing Anxiety
In small talk situations, our goal should be to be interested, not interesting. Rather than trying to impress others with our own stories, being present and genuinely interested in the conversation reduces anxiety and fosters connection. Pausing before responding helps reduce mistakes and allows for more thoughtful and appropriate responses.
Tools and Techniques for Engaging Small Talk
Several techniques can enhance small talk skills. Paraphrasing, which validates and clarifies what others say, forces us to listen carefully and slows down the conversation. The phrase 'tell me more' can keep the dialogue flowing and provide time to think of a response. Embracing structure, such as the 'what, so what, now what' format, helps keep communication concise and clear. Practice is key to improving small talk abilities, and initiating with context-specific questions can lead to more engaging conversations.
Even if you don’t think you’re a natural, anyone can become proficient at the art of small talk by utilizing the right tactics and behaviors. In this collaboration with Harvard Business Review, strategic communications lecturer Matt Abrahams shares his tips and techniques for cocktail party chit chat, networking small talk, and holiday dinner-table conversation.