233: Moderation Vs Abstinence

On my recent girls trip to Sedona, a hot topic came up about being a moderator vs an abstainer. This conversation was inspired by two of the women I was with sharing their experiences feeling overwhelmed when trying to moderate alcohol and food in their life.

One woman shared her story of giving up alcohol two years ago because it had become so exhausting to manage her relationship with it. She found herself constantly negotiating with herself about when she would drink, how much she would drink and her struggle to maintain boundaries that felt good to her. 

She ultimately gave alcohol up all together – which felt terrifying at the time. She equated it to a breaking up with a boyfriend. Two years later she can see how much freedom she has regained in choosing to be an abstainer when it comes to alcohol. 

Another friend shared her struggle with consistently making food choices that support her goals. She talked about the struggles she has when she allows herself to indulge in treats but then finds it taking days, weeks, sometimes months to get back into food routines that support her health goals.

Like the friend who struggled with alcohol, this woman finds her relationship with food to be consuming to the point of often being exhausting and overwhelming. Perhaps abstaining from indulgences would be more liberating??

There is a lot of societal messaging around moderation. But for some people, moderation is actually much harder work that abstaining from something all together.

Often the “treats” we try to enjoy in moderation make us feel worse instead of better – even though we think the indulgence will feel fantastic in the moment. If the aftermath is fraught with regret, remorse, and frustration, then moderation is not really an effective habit, is it?

In this episode, I dive more deeply into this conversation and into some of Gretchen Rubin’s teachings on the topic of moderating vs abstaining. It’s pretty fascinating. I think you’ll find it interesting and helpful if you ever struggle with maintaining habits that best support your goals.

Please share this with other Shameless Moms in your life who might find value in this conversation.

Links Mentioned:

• SMA Ep 200 with Gretchen Rubin: The Four Tendencies
• Article: Gretchen Rubin on Abstainer vs Moderator

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