Fawning Is Not Codependency: Understanding the Difference When You’ve Lived With a Covert Narcissist

So many survivors walk into healing believing they were “codependent,” when the truth is far more compassionate and far more accurate:
What you were doing wasn’t codependency — it was fawning, a trauma response your nervous system used to keep you safe in an emotionally dangerous environment.

In this episode, we break down the difference between fawning and codependency in a way that finally makes sense for survivors of covert narcissistic abuse. We explore why these two patterns get confused, how fawning operates as a survival mechanism, and why labeling yourself “codependent” often adds unnecessary shame to an already painful experience.

You’ll hear real, relatable examples that show what these behaviors look like in everyday life: saying “it’s okay” when it isn’t, prioritizing someone else’s needs over your own, and walking on eggshells. We’ll explore each scenario from both angles — the trauma-driven fawn response and the learned relational pattern of codependency — so you can see exactly where the difference lies.

If you’ve ever blamed yourself for being “too accommodating,” “too forgiving,” or “too passive,” this episode will help you shift that lens. You were not weak. You were surviving.
And now, you get to learn a new way of being where safety no longer depends on self-abandonment.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

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