Honeydew Me 234. Q+A : "Help! I've Never Had An Orgasm..."
In this week's episode we're answering one of YOUR questions with a combination of expert tips and personal experience.
The Question: “I’m 23 years old and have never had an orgasm. I have a wonderful boyfriend, whom I very much enjoy having sex with, but cannot finish, and have not been able to with the other people I’ve slept with. I also masturbate relatively frequently, and have tried a few different toys, and manual stimulation as well. I recently talked to my friend about this, who suggested watching porn to see if this helped, but I really just couldn’t get into it. I have a pretty active brain, and sometimes will struggle to be fully in the moment. Even when I’m turned on, and enjoying it, I don’t know if I’m able to be fully present. Am I broken? I know you usually say that everyone is different, but I often find sex and masturbation feels “nice” with smaller pockets of pleasure. My boyfriend is great, and priorities making me feel good with going down on me, encouraging me to use toys when we’re together etc, but I still can’t. Is it possible that I just am not capable of orgasming? I’d really appreciate your opinions and advice."
What We Cover in This Episode:
- Not having an orgasm doesn’t mean you’re broken. We break down the orgasm trap and explain how pressure can make it harder to cum.
- The biggest orgasm blockers. Stress, shame, “shoulds,” and a wandering mind are some of the most common things that get in the way.
- How to get out of your head during sex. Grounding tools and easy practices to bring your brain back into your body.
- Pleasure beyond your usual go-to's. Why focusing only on our go-to's (like penetration) can stall your pleasure and what else to explore instead.
- Fun ways to shake up your routine. From massage to toys to new locations, we share fresh ideas to make intimacy exciting again.
- How to talk to your partner about orgasm struggles. Scripts and conversation tips that make asking for support feel sexy instead of stressful.
- Why small wins matter more than the big O. Celebrating little pockets of pleasure helps you build confidence and move closer to orgasm.
- When to call in the pros. Pelvic floor PTs, sex therapists, and sex-positive doctors can help work through deeper blocks.
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