Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

When Does “My Money” Become “Our Money”? | Money and Relationships | E482

Nov 3, 2025

Heather and Douglas Boneparth, a dynamic couple in both love and finance, explore the transition from "my money" to "our money." They delve into how unspoken assumptions can fuel resentment in relationships, especially during challenging times like the pandemic. Heather shares their personal wake-up call about invisible labor, while Douglas emphasizes the value of time as a currency. Together, they encourage couples to view money as a shared narrative and highlight practical tools like money dates to foster teamwork and balance.

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INSIGHT

Money Fights Are About Feelings

Money fights usually mask deeper issues like fairness, power, and feeling unseen.
Unspoken expectations and assumptions fuel resentment more than dollars do.

ANECDOTE

COVID Exposed Hidden Resentment

Heather described COVID as the catalyst when career shifts created resentment and imbalance.
She felt buried by work, unpaid household labor, and fading identity, which spurred change.

INSIGHT

Time Is A Currency

Time functions as a currency and deserves recognition alongside money.
Valuing each other's time reveals contributions that paychecks don't show.

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Have you ever asked yourself, “When does ‘my money’ become ‘our money’?” It’s one of those questions couples don’t really face until tension starts to build. And by then, it’s rarely about the dollars. It’s about fairness, power, and feeling seen.

In this episode, I’m joined by Heather and Douglas Boneparth, the power couple behind Bone Fide Wealth Management, and co-authors of their new book, Money Together: How to Find Fairness in Your Relationship and Become an Unstoppable Financial Team. We talk about what really happens when love meets money - the unspoken expectations, the invisible labor, and the stories we tell ourselves about who’s “earning” more or contributing “enough.”

Heather and Douglas share their own wake-up moment during the pandemic, when their careers and family roles shifted and resentment started creeping in. We explore what it means to honor each other’s time as a form of currency, how to rebuild balance when things feel uneven, and why fairness doesn’t always mean splitting everything 50/50.

As you listen, think about what fairness looks like in your relationship. How do you value each other’s time, effort, and care? And what might change if you started talking about money as a shared story instead of a scoreboard?

Episode Breakdown:
00:00 When Does My Money Become Our Money?
01:03 Why Couples Fight About Money
08:39 Time Is a Currency
15:29 From “Me” to “We”
21:24 Mistakes vs. Missteps
23:56 Different Definitions of “Enough”
28:12 “My Money” vs. “Our Money”
39:09 Practical Playbook: Money Dates & Goal Alignment
44:45 Case Study: Inheritance & Grief
51:03 When to Seek Financial Therapy for Couples

There's a ton of great information in this podcast AND it’s also true that talking about money and creating agreement in your financial relationship can be very tricky for many couples. You don't have to go it alone.

One of the things my practice is known for is financial therapy for couples, specifically. If this is a current pain point in your relationship, I hope you get in touch with us and allow us to guide you through the process of creating alignment around all parts of your life, including financials.

Here’s the link to learn more, and set up a free consultation.

xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Growing Self