78: How to Know if Leaving a Relationship is the Right Thing to Do with Anna

This episode is about being conflicted when making a choice. Today’s caller, Anna, wants to leave her marriage but is unsure as to whether or not it is “the right thing to do.” [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode78] There is no right or wrong when it comes to ending anything. Giving up or getting out of something just because it’s hard or takes work is quitting, but opting out of something because it doesn’t align with your core values is a self-honoring choice. So, how do you know if you are quitting or giving up too early, versus when something has reached its expiration date? I believe any relationship takes work, and can be transformed, but sometimes it doesn’t serve either partner to stay together just because they made a commitment, if there is a drastic difference in values and vision. And, having guilt is useless. We feel guilty when we judge ourselves for doing something “bad or wrong,” and we think to suffer through the feeling of guilt somehow makes it better. If you are not married yet, my advice is to wait to marry until you are in a place where you are not looking for someone to fill a void or to meet a need, but rather someone to share your life with. Trusting ourselves is important. If you want to live in integrity, you have to have self-trust. You can learn ways to trust yourself in my Inner Circle private membership community. Retreat Information — Bali is a place of healing. I have been visiting for 10 years, so my retreats offer an authentic Balinese experience, in addition to the retreat work. Enrollment is now open for the next Bali Retreat in September. If you have objections, but you really want to do it. Don’t let excuses stop you. Contact Jill@ChristineHassler.com to sign up. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Are you in a situation that has reached its expiration date? ● Are you paying more attention to the opinions of others, rather than your own voice? ● Have you left a situation, but feel tremendous guilt about it? ● Do you tend to jump from relationship to relationship, believing that it will be different?   Anna's Question: Anna wants to be sure she is not making a decision to leave her marriage from a place of fear.   Anna's Key Insights and Ahas: ● She doesn’t need someone to make her feel safe anymore. ● She doesn’t want her marriage to work out. ● She doesn’t know how to deal with the guilt of leaving. ● She needs to take ownership of her feelings. ● She felt she couldn’t trust her own voice.   How to Get Over It and On With It: ● She should acknowledge and appreciate everything her husband has done for her. ● She should use listen to her inner voice and find her own truth. ● She needs to forgive herself for buying into the misunderstanding that she was a bad person. ● She should be clear about why she is leaving, and honor it by being a partner to herself.   Takeaways: ● If you are trying to stick it out in a situation out of pride, fear, or worry about what others will think, be honest with yourself, and make a self-honoring choice. ● Reach out to people who support you and can give you spiritual altitude. ● Make a list of all the qualities you want in a partner, and become all of those things. ● Find yourself during my retreat in Bali.   Sponsor: Freshbooks: Get a Free 30-Day Unrestricted Trial to Online Accounting Software. Enter “Over It and On With It” in the ‘How did you hear about us?’ section.   Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Inner Circle Membership Community Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@Christinehassler.com for Bali Retreat Information Marie Forleo’s B-School