Why Most People Can’t Heal After Betrayal (And How To Change That)

In this crucial episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz provide a survival guide for women navigating the aftermath of betrayal. Drawing from their reconstruction journey and counseling hundreds of couples, they reveal the six essential steps every betrayed spouse needs to take immediately after discovering infidelity. Laura shares her own early choices - from refusing to weaponize shame despite having every right to, to her intensive identity work at OnSite that revealed she'd lost herself long before the affair. They expose the dangerous trap of trying to police your spouse's recovery while ignoring your own healing, why poorly trained therapists can do more harm than good, and the power move of creating firm boundaries with real consequences. From why separation isn't punishment but protection for your nervous system, to the surprising statistic that shame-based communication cuts reconciliation rates by 50%, this episode is required listening for any woman asking "What now?" after betrayal. Whether you're deciding to stay or go, these six steps ensure you're making that choice from strength, not trauma. Warning: This episode challenges the common advice to "just forgive and move on" and may trigger those invested in remaining victims of their circumstances.

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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

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Supported by God Behind Bars

https://godbehindbars.com

Supported by Plana

https://plana.org/

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 - What Every Betrayed Woman Needs To Know

01:10 - Our Email: hello@carlandlaura.com

03:12 - What She CAN'T Do (Stop Being A Shame Dealer)

05:22 - "Shame Corrodes The Part That Believes We Can Change"

08:06 - Why Shame Cuts Recovery Success By 50%

09:56 - Step 1: Get The RIGHT Therapist (Not All Are Equal)

11:12 - Warning: Bad Therapists Can Make Things Worse

16:45 - God Behind Bars Partnership

17:23 - Step 2: Create Separation For Your Nervous System

19:30 - "Safety Must Precede Intimacy"

22:51 - Step 3: Clear Expectations & Boundaries

27:26 - Step 4: Be Firm On Consequences

33:22 - Step 5: Invite Trusted Eyes & Ears

38:21 - Plana.org Partnership

38:59 - Step 6: Work On Yourself (The Game-Changer)

39:52 - "The Betrayed Partner Rebuilds Identity"

42:30 - Your Action Plan: Tangible Next Steps

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