Matt Monday, a dating and relationship expert, discusses the dangers of compromising standards in early dating stages. He highlights the impact of anxious attachment styles and the importance of setting boundaries. The podcast explores how to attract healthy relationships without sacrificing self-worth.
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Quick takeaways
In dating, it's crucial to maintain standards and boundaries when liking someone to avoid compromising self-worth.
Anxious fawning in relationships can lead to imbalance and resentment, emphasizing the importance of communication and setting boundaries.
Deep dives
The Scarcity Mindset in Dating
The most dangerous moment in dating occurs when we decide we like somebody, leading to a scarcity mindset where we feel the need to hold onto that person at any cost. This mindset makes us compromise our standards and boundaries, believing we can't lose someone we truly desire. However, maintaining our standards and boundaries is crucial in dating as it defines how others perceive us and understand our self-worth.
Anxious Fawning and Attachment Styles
Anxious fawning, a common behavior in relationships, involves giving excessively without advocating for our needs or expressing our true feelings. This behavior creates imbalances in relationships, especially when interacting with avoidant or anxious individuals. When paired with avoidant partners, the constant giving without communication leads to unmet needs and a lack of boundary setting. Similarly, being with an anxious person results in being consumed and potentially resentful due to overgiving and neglecting personal needs.
Impact on Secure Relationships
In secure relationships, excessive giving without expressing personal opinions or needs hinders genuine connection. Secure partners struggle to understand and please individuals who fail to assert their desires, leading to a lack of trust and authenticity in the relationship. The pattern of anxiously fawning creates a barrier to building a strong, trustworthy connection with secure individuals, who value mutual understanding and meaningful interactions.
So you just realized you actually like someone? Hold up a second . . . When we fall for someone in the early stages of dating, it’s very easy to drop our standards and lose sight of our boundaries. We check our texts constantly. We cancel other plans for them. We agree to live on their schedule. This situation is especially dangerous for people who have a more anxious attachment style and tend to respond to relationship uncertainty by bending over backwards to keep someone happy. In today’s new episode, I explore how different attachment styles respond in this situation, and how you can attract a healthy relationship where your standards and boundaries won’t be trampled. ►► Get Vulnerable Stories, Real Insights and Practical Tools Delivered Straight to Your Inbox Every Friday. Sign Up Now For My Weekly Newsletter, The 3 Relationships.com → http://www.The3Relationships.com ►► Get My New Book, "Love Life" at → http://www.LoveLifeBook.com ►► FREE Video Training: “Dating With Results” → http://www.DatingWithResults.com
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