This is another fantastic episode for both partners in a Neurodiverse Love relationship to listen to. After 40 years of research, John and Julie Gottman have helped thousands of couples better understand each other and implement tools and strategies that can help them move from surviving to thriving. During this episode, we talk with Dr. Michael McNulty, a certified Gottman Therapist and Master Trainer of the Gottman Method, to understand how some of these research-based strategies and tools can help you and your partner better understand each other and thrive!
Many of you may have heard of "The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling" and how each can have a negative impact on any relationship. During this episode, Dr. McNulty, guides us through the "anecdotes" for each of the "Horseman". In addition, you will learn more about ways to create "soft start-ups" instead of criticizing your partner. How important it is to "take responsibility" for the things that you have said or done, rather then reacting and being defensive. We also discuss the value of talking about yourself, your needs and feelings, rather then speaking badly about your partner and treating them with contempt. In addition, you will learn how important it is to "take breaks" when one of you is feeling overwhelmed and flooded. This can help prevent "stonewalling" and what others may call "shutdowns" or "burnout". We also talk about important ways to forecast or plan "re-entry back into the home" after a day of work. Using this Gottman strategy can help reduce or prevent meltdowns and shutdowns. In addition, we talk about the importance of a weekly "State of the Union" meeting with your partner, to discuss what has gone well, what needs improvement and ways in which to address things differently. This tool can help couples better understand each others needs and differences.
Dr. McNulty also briefly introduces the concepts the Gottman's developed called the "Sound Relationship House" and "Love Maps" and why they are important for every couple to understand.
You can reach Dr. McNulty by email at: mikemcnultyphd@gmail.com or through his website at: www.chicagorelationshipcenter.com
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The Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards are available for purchase. If you would like to buy a deck, please check out the "Conversation Cards" page on our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
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- If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com
- You can also follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love
- If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com
Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!
Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay