Episode 101: I Shouldn’t Feel Angry—Exploring the Violence that Shapes Our Family Stories & How to Heal with Lisa Jo Baker

How do you navigate anger in your family?

What do you do when a parent who was supposed to love you and keep you safe actually caused you harm?

Families evoke such complicated emotions. You might feel angry and then guilty about that anger. You might feel a mixture of love and resentment. Today, we tackle family anger and generational trauma. My guest, Lisa-Jo Baker was a teenager when her mother died, leaving her alone with her father and his fierce temper. When she found herself exhibiting that same temper with her own son, she knew it was time to dig deeper.

Her new memoir, It Wasn't Roaring, It Was Weeping, is a beautifully written, incredibly powerful story of the legacy of anger, violence, and generational trauma—and how one family healed. You do not want to miss this conversation.

Here’s what we cover:

1. When a parent is both hero & villain (9:13)

2. The moment Lisa-Jo realized her father’s anger had become hers (15:43)

3. How she began to investigate her past (19:05)

4. A powerful metaphor for the scars of our families (31:31)

5. The risk of discussing your pain with your parents (35:07)

6. Self-righteous anger vs. wise anger (36:30)

7. What Lisa-Jo confronted about racism as a South African and an American (39:14)

8. Biblical wisdom for healing (51:41)

Order It Wasn't Roaring It Was Weeping here

Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.

Related Episodes:

Episode 97: I Shouldn't Feel This Anxious—Insights on Trauma & Healing with Monique Koven

Episode 98: I Shouldn’t Feel Alone in My Grief—Why Your Grief Matters & the #1 Most Important Support For Those Who Are Grieving

Episode 99: I Shouldn’t Feel Like My Spirit is Broken—Exploring a Broken Spirit & the Dark Night of the Soul with Christopher Cook

Episode 100: I Shouldn’t Feel Betrayed By Someone I Trust—How to Grieve, Breathe, & Receive in the Wake of Broken Trust with Steve Carter

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Music by Andy Luiten

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.

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