In 'The Great Good Place,' Ray Oldenburg argues that informal gathering places such as cafes, coffee shops, bookstores, bars, and hair salons are crucial for maintaining social vitality and a functioning democracy. He coined the term 'third place' to describe these public spaces that are neither home (the first place) nor work (the second place). Oldenburg examines the historical role of these places, from American taverns during the Revolution to French cafes during the Enlightenment, and laments their decline in modern suburban society. He advocates for the social value these places bring, including promoting social equality, grassroots politics, and psychological support. However, the book has also been criticized for its sexist and exclusionary views, particularly regarding women and minority groups[1][4][5].
Moving to a new city can feel like starting over—but it doesn’t have to. In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak break down a science-backed three-step strategy to plug into a brand-new social circle in weeks, not months.
Whether you’re relocating or just looking to shake up your current routine, you’ll learn how to find the right spaces, start meaningful conversations, and turn physical activity into instant connection. Plus, you’ll walk away with this week’s Triple Stack Challenge that jumpstarts your social success.
What to Listen For
[00:00:00] Why moving is the perfect moment to build a better social life
[00:02:00] The danger of bubble living—and how to break out of it
[00:03:30] What is a “third place” and why it’s the secret to meeting new people
[00:07:30] Johnny’s story: How bartending made him everyone’s first friend
[00:09:00] Client story: How Luke built a social circle through a run club and open mic
[00:10:00] Framework #2: The “Because Disclosure” to trigger instant trust
[00:12:00] How to make small talk meaningful with personal micro-disclosure
[00:13:00] Framework #3: Use physical activity to create social glue
[00:14:00] Client story: From workouts to racketball to finding your tribe
[00:15:00] Weekly Practice Plan: Block time, script disclosures, and test workouts
[00:16:00] Triple Stack Challenge: Third place → Opener → Invite
Episode Takeaways
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Within the first 90 days of moving, forming one close tie can increase happiness by over 50%
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Avoid "bubble living" by identifying a third place outside work and home
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Repeated presence at third places creates propinquity—we like who we see often
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Use “because disclosures” to spark trust and show vulnerability instantly
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Even trivial reasons build connection, thanks to Ellen Langer’s Xerox study
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Join group physical activities (run clubs, fitness classes, rec sports) for biochemical bonding
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Use the Triple Stack: Pick a third place, open with a disclosure, invite to an activity
Prep matters—script disclosures, treat social outings like meetings, and take brief notes after interactions to increase recall and follow-up success
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