Sex With Emily Why I Opened My Marriage After 20 Years
Nov 7, 2025
Dr. Wednesday Martin, a cultural anthropologist and author of "Untrue," dives into the journey of opening her marriage after 20 years. She discusses how women’s sexual desire often wanes in the first few years of monogamy and explores alternatives like service sex. Wednesday shares her personal transition to non-monogamy, emphasizing communication and empathy. She breaks down the differences between swinging, open relationships, and polyamory, and highlights the importance of safety in finding partners. Her insights on attachment styles and relationship flexibility offer a fresh perspective on modern love.
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Female Desire Often Drops Early
- Long-term exclusive cohabiting relationships show a steep drop in female desire in years one to four while male desire ebbs slowly over nine to 12 years.
- Wednesday Martin argues this makes monogamy a tighter cultural fit for women and explains widespread "service sex."
Engineer Novelty To Reignite Desire
- Do engineer novelty and variety in a long-term relationship to prevent service sex and revive desire.
- Try practical changes like new toys, fantasies, porn, tantric techniques, or planned novel experiences together.
Talk Exhaustively Before Opening Up
- Do have exhaustive, early conversations to set clear rules, boundaries, and reasons before opening a relationship.
- Check stigma, privacy, safety, frequency, emotional rules, and how to protect the primacy of your relationship.
