Raising Motivated, Self-Confident, Less Stressed Kids in an Age of Anxiety (with Dr. William Stixrud)
Sep 5, 2023
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Dr. William Stixrud, a clinical neuropsychologist, discusses topics such as encouraging self-confidence, intrinsic motivation, and inner-directedness. They talk about the value of giving kids choices and opportunities to pursue their passions, as well as the challenges and benefits of being a nonanxious presence for children. They also explore the importance of downtime and self-directed play, independent problem-solving skills, and building confidence and resilience in children through positive experiences.
Being a non-anxious presence in parenting creates safety and trust, promoting children's competence and intrinsic motivation.
Encouraging autonomy in children fosters self-driven motivation, healthy self-esteem, and a sense of agency.
Deep dives
The significance of a non-anxious presence in parenting
Being a non-anxious presence in parenting is crucial to create a sense of safety and trust for children. By staying calm and composed, parents can effectively support their children in coping with challenges and making their own decisions. It is important for parents to manage their own anxiety and fears, as children pick up on their parents' emotions. A non-anxious presence helps children develop their own sense of competence, problem-solving skills, and intrinsic motivation. Parental acceptance, respect, and enjoyment of their children also contribute to a healthy parent-child relationship and foster a sense of control and self-confidence in children. By focusing on enjoying and trusting our children, we can help them navigate the challenges and build resilience.
The importance of autonomy and self-driven motivation
Encouraging autonomy in children is key to fostering self-driven motivation and mental health. Children need opportunities to make their own decisions, solve problems, and explore their interests without excessive parental control. Allowing children to engage in self-directed play and pursue their passions helps them develop intrinsic motivation and a sense of agency. Autonomy promotes healthy self-esteem and helps children develop into self-motivated individuals who can contribute positively to society. Supporting children's autonomy requires parents to balance setting appropriate limits and boundaries while respecting their individuality and desires.
The impact of a low sense of control on mental health
A low sense of control is a significant factor in mental health problems among children and adolescents. Anxiety, depression, and substance abuse issues often stem from a lack of control. Building a sense of control in children is crucial for their overall well-being. When children feel a sense of competence and are encouraged to independently solve problems and handle stress, they develop resilience and coping skills. Providing opportunities for children to make decisions and giving them responsibility helps them develop a healthy sense of control and self-confidence.
The role of enjoying and accepting children
Enjoying and accepting our children unconditionally is foundational for creating a positive parent-child relationship. It is important to prioritize enjoying our children and finding joy in their presence. When parents find pleasure in their children, it helps children develop a positive self-concept and promotes a sense of worthiness and love. Non-judgmental acceptance allows children to feel secure and loved, even when they make mistakes or face challenges. By providing a loving and accepting environment, parents can model healthy relationships and instill a sense of worth and belonging in their children.
Janet’s guest is Dr. William Stixrud, a clinical neuropsychologist and co-author of The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives. Bill Stixrud's decades of experience counseling children and their parents have led to conclusions that complement and support Janet's own parenting philosophy, especially topics such as encouraging self-confidence, intrinsic motivation, and inner-directedness. And since many of Bill's clients have been with him from childhood through adolescence and into adulthood, he has the benefit of seeing the results of his practice. Bill and Janet discuss the value of giving our kids opportunities to make choices, discover and pursue their passions, and the challenges and benefits of being a nonanxious presence (because our "calm is contagious").
Dr. Stixrud is the founder of The Stixrud Group, a member of the teaching faculty at Children’s National Medical Center, and an assistant professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the George Washington University School of Medicine.