AMA: Reparenting Our Adult Self, Struggling Mothers + Why Anxiety/Depression Comes From Self-Love

Mar 15, 2024

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Wellness + Wisdom Episode 621

Wellness + Wisdom Podcast Host and Wellness Force Media CEO, Josh Trent, shares the key steps to reparenting yourself, how mothers can find support and empowerment, and why anxiety and depression come from self-love.

Today's Questions

Christina: "What piece of advice would you give a brand-new mom who's struggling to feel like herself after giving birth?"

Maureen: "My question to you is, how do I develop that adult self with the sense of confidence in taking charge of my own life and feeling safe to do so in the world? Thanks."

Diane: "Hey Josh! For someone that struggles with both anxiety and depression where do I even fucking begin to address the way that I feel in my body when they hit me SO hard? There are times when I don't even know what to do and all I can do is just lay down on the floor and cry. What are your thoughts on this?"

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Listen To Episode 621 As Josh Trent Answers Your Questions [03:25] Struggling Mothers

Our first question is from Christina and I'm just going to play the audio because the audio speaks for itself.

"What piece of advice would you give a brand-new mom who's struggling to feel like herself after giving birth?"

Okay, first and foremost, I was raised by a single mom and a single mom on welfare, by the way. So if y'all don't know what welfare is in the United States, it's like Velveeta cheese and processed cereal and the food you could ever eat. Not to mention my dad was not at home.

So, Christina, my heart goes out to you whether you have a husband or a man in the house or not.

If you don't, then this question holds even more weight. Let's start with if you do have at home, a husband at home, a partner at home.

So the best way for you to get back in your body is just to give yourself there's going to be 9 months or more, because you carry a child for 9 months typically, 9 months or more that you are going to go through an out-of-body and reintegration in-body experience.

And I can speak from personal experience on this, Mar. Have you ever had a friend or a family member who's delivered a child? Yeah, a few.

Did you notice their behavior was different or they just act differently once they had the child? It's just a lot of stress and lack of sleep. So I'm not surprised that people just, it brings the worst out of them because just don't have enough nourishment and enough sleep and enough, like anything that a person needs to feel well. Yeah, no doubt.

The struggle is real y'all for single moms or moms with husbands. So let's start on model number 1 with a husband or a father. The best thing you can possibly do is from a grounded place.

And I learned this from an episode we did with Margo Running. And Margo was telling me that when she broke up with the father of her children, she did all the work to come from the most loving grounded space and the way that she would speak about the children speak about the father.

Now, going back to the first model, if the father is in the home, you can do the same thing.

I've experienced just on a personal level, a lot of friction with Carrie Michelle, with my partner, with the mother of my children, because she was learning this new version of herself as a mom.

I was learning this new version of myself as a father, especially when my son Nova was born in 2021. Oh my gosh. The phrase that comes to mind is the phoenix rising from the ashes.

Because when you go through a birth process, Christina, you are literally being decimated.

You're going through a birth and a death at the same time. And I think this is easy for men to forget for sure.

I think women understand this on a more visceral level because to be, and I know this is a reductionized statement, women tend to be more in tune with their unconscious than men.

I think it's just how they're wired for nurture...

[11:50] Reparenting Your Adult Self

All right, let's get to the next question, Mar. Who is next? Next, we have Maureen, and she also sent us an audio about reparenting her adult self. So it's going to be a good one.

"Hi Josh, I am wanting to break through limitations and expand the field of possibilities for myself. I've been looking into inner child work, shadow work, and reparenting stuff recently.

And I've made a list of child self-attributes and adult self-attributes for reparenting purposes. For the most part, I could see where I could adult my inner child parts but when I came down to the words the bottom felt pretty stuck.

I reached a point where I haven't successfully adulted yet I realized where I am still juvenile and inexperienced in my development And that area is around wishing someone else would just take charge so I can in the world.

I still want some sort of parentified figure, like a boss or even my husband, to set parameters and reassure me that I'm safe. And at that moment when I was trying to ask myself how I would parent self part of me who needed that kind of caretaker to feel safe in the world, I felt really at a loss.

I don't know how to take charge and step into that role of an adult who enjoys and feels confident being in charge and at ease in the world in that position.

So my child self doesn't have to live in fear. I had a bit of fear and anxiety around the idea of not knowing how to take charge. So my question to you is, how do I develop that adult self with the sense of confidence in taking charge of my own life and feeling safe to do so in the world. Thanks."

Wow, what a beautiful question. I'm just like smiling right now. What a beautiful question. Gosh, I mean, can you relate to this Mar?

Completely. I've been there myself and I might still be there sometimes these days. So I totally understand. Yeah, Maureen. It's so good.

I'm curious to Mar before I go into the layers of this because layers here, Maureen. So we're only going to do 3. Well, we get to do 3 big, beautiful questions today on the AMA.

And I really wanted to spend a good portion of time on this because this is not a question that we just want to breeze through. There are some really beautiful deep layers here.

I'm curious When you heard Maureen's voice and when you felt her energy, what arose for you? What about your own life experience, Mar, could you relate to in her share?

I would say it's just not allowing yourself or not giving yourself the permission to access all these spaces where you can feel safe, where you can express yourself and allow others to hear you and see you.

Because what I noticed recently, I've always wanted to be seen and heard, but I also realized I was so scared to be seen and heard. So there's this internal blockage that's stopping you from what you actually want.

And it's, it's so confusing, can be so confusing for a person to get through all of that. So that's something that came up for me.

Would you say in those moments, and I'm not here to psychoanalyze you, I just think this is such good material for what she asked, for what Maureen asked.

Would you say that there's one side of you that knows exactly what you want. And there's another side of you, maybe unconscious or an aspect of yourself unconsciously that wants something else. 100%. How would you describe that?

I think there are some social constructs that I put on myself and that I need to get out of the way that are limiting me and some things that I also bring from my childhood that I need to unlearn in order to really be myself. That's what it is. Yes, All right.

That's a great starting point. You said really be myself and that's it, isn't it? We all are on this journey and it's become very clear to me this year, 2024 y'all, I don't know if you feel it, like we're only a few months into the year.

There has been more death, rebirth, physical death, spiritual death, emotional death...

[30:05] Anxiety + Depression = Self-Love?

Let's get on to the next question. What's the next one, Mar? All right, the next question we have is from Diane.

"Hey Josh! For someone that struggles with both anxiety and depression where do I even fucking begin to address the way that I feel in my body when they hit me SO hard? There are times when I don't even know what to do and all I can do is just lay down on the floor and cry. What are your thoughts on this?"

I took a deep breath because I have been there. And I'm probably there like a few times a quarter, really, where I'm just like, I'm feeling so much right now. What do I do with this?

Can you relate more? I've been there not many times, but I have All right good for you. I don't think it has to be our path that we always do this stuff, right?

But depending on the level of trauma that we've experienced Here's what I believe. I was meditating on this before we recorded today and I wrote this that I want to read to you.

So, the manifestation of anxiety and is the result of a broken family unit and tribe that equals validation of the unconscious evidence that we are loved, that we aren't worthy, and that we won't be accepted by others.

So really what this is a call for is this is a call for your protection and your own self-love.

Now at first audible, you might be like, well, how do I make sense of that? Like, what are you talking about?

I'm on the floor like screaming or crying or feeling like shit. Okay, well, what I'm saying is from the brokenness and from the bottom of everything that you're feeling, what is it? What's there?

All that's there is energy. All that's there is energy in motion. That's why it's called emotion. And energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be moved. It can only be transmuted.

So if that's the truth, and if a part of you believes that's the truth, Diane, and I know you do because you wouldn't be here with us if you didn't know that that was already true in some way, then really this process for you can be started by just tracing back to the trauma.

You don't have to know why it happened. This is where, Mar, a lot of people loop. Why did it happen? What's the meaning of why it happened?

Oh my god, and we can just get so down the fucking rabbit hole of like what's the existential meaning of this?

Something I learned in NLP training with Scott Jackson.

It's a powerful episode by the way We're gonna link that in notes Diane Trace back the trauma like what is your emotional inventory process right now?

We already listed out the steps of the EI2 process, the beginning steps. What are the tools of inventory and of somatic that you've already implemented?

I'm guessing if you find yourself in this place a lot, then potentially those tools aren't in place. So let's list out some really practical things.

We'll start at the bottom of the staircase, we'll go to the middle, and then we'll end up on the second floor, okay?

And Mar, if you're feeling anything, just interrupt me because I know this is something that you and I have jammed on before.

This manifestation of anxiety and depression is the result of a break in the bond. A beautiful, beautiful resource for this is our second episode that we did with Mark Wolynn.

He talks about the break in the bond and break in the bond is really specific to our healing to identify not why it happened, but just that it happened.

A break in the bond is a split from the mother. All wounds, by the way, originate from the mother, either in utero or epigenetically or in the first 7 years of life or in young adulthood.

Everything, everything, everything, if you look at science or spirituality, it all starts with the mother.

Now the father wound also takes place, but we are birthed from our mother. So of course the origin of all trauma and place for all healing starts with the mother.

And so the father wound is part of this, but I'm really going to focus on the mother here. There is some part of a break in the bond with our mother figure or feminine energy that brought us into the world deserves attention...

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