346: Connection and Intimacy after Addiction and Trauma with Vanessa Carlisle

In this episode of the Better Sex podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman engages in a meaningful conversation with Vanessa Carlisle about reclaiming intimacy and pleasure after addiction and trauma. Vanessa discusses her personal and professional experience in navigating violence, trauma, and sex work. They explore the gaps in support for sexual recovery among trauma and addiction survivors, the cultural and systemic challenges in discussing sexuality, and the path to reconnecting with one's body and pleasure. Vanessa emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, sensory pleasure, and effective communication in intimate relationships. The episode also highlights the role of community and support networks in healing and thriving.

00:00 Introduction to Better Sex

00:49 Reclaiming Pleasure After Trauma

01:51 Personal and Professional Insights

03:51 Challenges in Recovery and Sexuality

05:53 Impact of Trauma on Sexual Behavior

07:05 Navigating Sobriety and Intimacy

09:09 Sex Work, Substance Use, and Trauma

13:18 Seeking Healing and Integration

18:16 Path to Self-Awareness and Connection

21:06 Taking It Slow: Understanding Your Pace

22:06 Communicating with Your Partner

24:52 Navigating Hookups and Relationships

27:52 The Importance of Self-Care

28:38 Exploring Themes in My Novel

30:27 Vision for a Connected World

36:31 Upcoming Events and Resources

38:45 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Take my quizzes at https://www.intimacywithease.com

Bio:

Vanessa Carlisle, PhD, MFA (they/them), is an author, coach, and educator in the fields of gender, sexuality, and trauma. Dr. Carlisle’s lived experience includes over twenty-five years in sex work and fifteen years of advocacy for the sex-working community. As a survivor of both intimate partner and institutional violence, Dr. Carlisle now crafts programs that combat stigma and improve conditions for their communities, including trauma-informed self-defense training, somatic coaching, and end-of-life care services.

Along with many essays and articles, Dr. Carlisle authored the award-winning novel Take Me with You about a queer sex worker who must face her grief to be able to build the life she wants. Learn more about them at www.vanessacarlisle.com.

vanessacarlisle.com

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More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass