123 Relating well with narcissistic family members with Dr. Gerry Crete
Oct 16, 2023
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Dr. Gerry Crete, a licensed marriage and family therapist, discusses relating with narcissistic family members. Topics include setting boundaries, understanding positive intentions, communicating limits, distinguishing advocacy from oversensitivity, and the impact of narcissism on family dynamics. The podcast also explores radical acceptance, IFS therapy, and the differences between narcissists and sociopaths/psychopaths in empathy.
Recognize the importance of setting boundaries and preserving one's limits when relating to family members with narcissistic traits.
Approach interactions with curiosity and seek to understand the positive intentions behind others' narcissistic parts.
Acknowledge the effects of valuing and devaluing behaviors within narcissistic subsystems, especially when dealing with elderly parents and end-of-life issues.
Deep dives
Understanding the Dynamics of Narcissistic Subsystems
The podcast episode explores the concept of narcissistic subsystems and how they can contribute to challenging family dynamics. The main focus is on the valuing and devaluing dynamic within these subsystems. This dynamic involves idealizing people who can meet the person's integrity needs and devaluing those who threaten their fragile sense of self-worth. While valuing and devaluing is not unique to narcissistic styles, it is a prominent feature. The episode emphasizes the importance of recognizing the core struggle of narcissism, which is often related to inner emptiness and a deep need for validation. It also highlights the need for setting healthy boundaries and taking care of oneself when dealing with narcissistic family members.
Navigating Interactions with Narcissistic Family Members
The podcast delves into the challenges of interacting with narcissistic family members and offers insights for navigating such situations. It highlights the importance of self-reflection and recognizing the intentions behind one's own reactions. It recommends approaching interactions with curiosity, seeking to understand the true intention behind hurtful behavior. The episode also emphasizes the significance of setting boundaries and taking care of one's own emotional well-being. It acknowledges the complex nature of these dynamics and the need for patience and self-care while engaging with narcissistic family members.
The Impact of Narcissistic Subsystems in Family Relationships
This podcast episode explores the repercussions of narcissistic subsystems within family relationships. It emphasizes the effects of valuing and devaluing behaviors, which can cause discord and disharmony within the family. The episode acknowledges that these dynamics can be particularly challenging when dealing with elderly parents and end-of-life issues. It recommends a compassionate approach, understanding that everyone's parts may be activated and rooted in their own woundedness. The focus is on promoting empathy, forgiveness, and understanding the complexity of intergenerational trauma within families.
Finding Healing and Hope in Challenging Family Dynamics
This podcast episode delves into the topic of healing and finding hope in the midst of challenging family dynamics. It highlights the importance of self-reflection and recognizing one's own wounds and reactions within family struggles. The episode also emphasizes the significance of softening our hearts and extending grace toward family members who may exhibit narcissistic tendencies. It encourages open and honest communication while setting boundaries and maintaining self-care. Ultimately, the podcast conveys a message of understanding and compassion, emphasizing the potential for healing and growth within difficult family relationships.
Importance of seeking professional help in family conflicts
In this podcast episode, the speaker emphasizes the importance of seeking the help of a family therapist or facilitator when dealing with family conflicts. They suggest that having an objective third party who can listen to everyone involved can greatly aid in resolving issues and fostering authentic love and understanding within the family. They acknowledge that while some conflicts may be resolved without outside help, there are situations where professional intervention is necessary to break down resistance and facilitate healing and growth.
The role of self-care and patience in healing family wounds
The podcast episode also highlights the significance of self-care and taking the time to heal personal wounds before attempting to mend relationships within the family. It emphasizes the importance of playing the long game and not rushing to resolve conflicts quickly. The speaker suggests that healing and integration of one's own parts should be prioritized before engaging with others. They mention the need for a radical acceptance of oneself and setting boundaries while still striving for genuine love and connection with family members. The podcast participants also discuss the challenges faced by individuals with narcissistic traits or autism in understanding empathy and engaging in therapy.
In this episode, I invited licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Gerry Crete and a live audience to discuss the best ways to relate with family members with narcissistic traits while still preserving one's own limits and dignity. Dr. Gerry addressed the following: 1) Why is it important to prepare yourself for relating with someone with dominant narcissistic parts? 2) How can we recognize our own limitations and the fact that we cannot change another person by our own efforts? 3) How can we understand the positive intentions of others' narcissistic parts? 4) What should you do if you are flooded and agitated by a family member with narcissistic tendencies? 5) How should you communicate your limits and boundaries with such family members? 6) How can you distinguish between standing up and advocating for yourself an just being "oversensitive" or prideful? 7) Are idealizing and devaluing the primary signs of narcissism or is there a deeper key feature? 8) How does narcissism often play out in a family when an aged parent dies? 9) When is it necessary to temporarily disconnect or separate from the family because of narcissism in other members? 10) How do we maintain "radical acceptance" of others and still hold boundaries and protect ourselves? 11) What kind of IFS groups are available online? 12) How does a lack of empathy present differently in narcissism vs. autism?
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