#571 - Joyce Benenson - How Do Women Compete For Partners?
Jan 2, 2023
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Joyce Benenson, a Harvard lecturer specializing in Human Evolutionary Biology, dives into the intriguing world of female competition for partners. She reveals how women's rivalry is often subtle and strategic, involving exclusion and gossip rather than overt aggression. The conversation explores how social media fosters feelings of inadequacy and discusses the complexities of women navigating relationships and status. Benenson also highlights the emotional responses women have to peer success, offering a nuanced view of gender dynamics in modern society.
Females engage in safe, subtle, and solitary forms of competition, prioritizing safety and subtlety in conflicts due to the need to prioritize their own survival and the care of their offspring.
Women have a strong desire for egalitarianism and equality, often driven by a need to maintain social cohesion within female communities, leading to subtle competition and the suppression of others' success in order to maintain a level playing field.
Female competition is driven by survival instincts and the preservation of health and well-being for themselves and their offspring, with heightened sensitivity to risks, pains, and potential threats to ensure their own and their children's survival.
Deep dives
Female competition takes subtle and solitary forms
Females, more than males, engage in safe, subtle, and solitary forms of competition. Females prioritize safety and subtlety in conflicts due to the need to prioritize their own survival and the care of their offspring. This includes employing nonverbal gestures, derogatory voice intonation changes, gossip, and social exclusion to compete for status while minimizing direct and dangerous confrontations. These tactics are honed from an early age and enforced through peer socialization. The solitary competition is focused on personal achievements and success, such as acquiring better dresses for special events or excelling academically. These subtle and solitary forms of competition in females are shaped by evolutionary and social factors to navigate the need for personal safety and the care of offspring.
Egalitarianism and competition among women
Women have a strong desire for egalitarianism and equality, often driven by a need to maintain social cohesion within female communities. There is a pressure to avoid outshining others or drawing attention to individual achievements, as it can disrupt social harmony within female groups. Women tend to downplay their accomplishments, attribute success to luck, and avoid overtly competitive behaviors. This emphasis on egalitarianism can lead to subtle competition, where women strive for equal sharing and discourage higher-status individuals from standing out. However, this emphasis on equality can have unintended consequences, with some women using egalitarian ideals to suppress the success of others in order to maintain a level playing field.
Female competition and survival instincts
Female competition is driven by survival instincts and the preservation of health and well-being for themselves and their offspring. Women's heightened sensitivity to risks, pains, and potential threats stems from an evolutionary drive to ensure their own and their children's survival. Women's attention to health issues, self-protection, and vigilance in assessing potential dangers is a crucial survival strategy. Through a combination of biological factors and socialization, women have developed a keen awareness of their surroundings, an inclination to seek safety, and a focus on maintaining personal and familial well-being. These behaviors, often dismissed or criticized, are vital for ensuring the longevity and flourishing of women and their offspring.
The Importance of Men in Society
Men play a vital role in society despite some societal concerns about their usefulness. Historically, men have been involved in warfare and big game hunting, but these roles have been somewhat replaced by the state and modern conveniences. However, there are still important areas where men excel, such as crisis response, emergency situations, and environmental conservation. Men's unique abilities to work well in groups, coordinate, and take risks make them crucial in tackling complex challenges like climate change and environmental destruction. Recognizing the value of men's contributions and finding ways to channel their strengths and provide more community-based ventures for men are important for a balanced and thriving society.
The Benefits of Men in Relationships and Parenting
In modern society, having a supportive husband and partner still provides significant benefits for women. Women often benefit from the emotional, financial, and social support that husbands can provide. Husbands offer a sense of security and community connection, which is particularly important for women who may be isolated from their kin in today's nuclear family structures. Additionally, women often prefer partners with higher status, as it can provide a sense of stability and enhance their own social standing. Having a supportive partner, who is also involved in childcare and family responsibilities, allows women to juggle work and family life comfortably and contributes to their overall well-being.
Joyce Benenson is a lecturer of Human Evolutionary Biology at Harvard University whose research focuses on human social structures and sex differences in competition and cooperation.
We're often told that men are more competitive, more status-driven and more ruthless with rivals for potential mates. In reality doesn't seem to be true, the difference is that women's competition takes a more subtle, cynical and sophisticated route to drive away their competitors.
Expect to learn how women compete for status, why women exclude more than men, why women who promote an egalitarian world are less charitable than you might think, how you can interfere with a rivals' relationship without getting caught, the usefulness of gossip as an enforcement mechanism and much more...
