How To Stop Being Codependent In Marriage

What does it mean to be codependent in marriage?

For most of the guys I work with, they identify with a few things.

They put aside their own wants and needs in favor of what their wife wants and needs.

They avoid doing anything that might upset their wife (like going out with friends, disagreeing with her, confronting her about problematic behavior, etc).

They are constantly focused on meeting their wife’s wants and needs.

They lose themselves in this process, finding it hard to identify what they enjoy doing anymore. Or if they can identify it, they don’t do it (like sports, hobbies, etc).

Eventually, they start becoming resentful because they realize they are doing a lot for their wife, but their wife isn’t doing much for them.

And, this can build up to an explosion that surprises their wife. Their wife didn’t even know they were frustrated, because they haven’t been able to express the small things they’ve wanted and needed for many years. And they’ve said all along that “things are fine,” when really they weren’t.

Fortunately, we can fix this.

Codependency comes from not having a strong sense of self worth. It’s also often formed from feeling the need to manage a parents’ emotions (or drug or alcohol problems or emotional distance or abuse). 

To fix it, we reconnect with a sense of self worth that’s based in God. We let our wife manage her own emotions and needs while we manage our own emotions and needs. We let go of that responsibility. We treat our wife kindly because that’s who we want to be. We ask for what we want effectively. And we create a marriage that feels like we’re winning every day for both you and your wife.

Learn more about how to do this in today’s episode:

Listen on the Strong Men Strong Marriages Podcast. 

Watch on YouTube here.

Dr. Mike

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