Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive 167: Healing and Helping with Mutual Aid with Dean Spade
Sep 26, 2022
58:24
In this conversation with Dean Spade we resolve a long-running challenge in my understanding: when we talked with Dr. john powell on the topic of Othering and Belonging a couple of years ago we discussed how volunteering promotes othering, because it perpetuates the idea that the volunteer is a person with resources to give, and the recipient has little in the way of useful knowledge or resources of their own. Dr. powell agreed, but we didn’t have time to discuss what to do instead.
In this episode we finally punch out that lingering hanging chad of knowledge and talk with Dean Spade about the concept of mutual aid, which is the topic of his book: Mutual Aid: Building Solidarity in This Crisis (And The Next). In this conversation we discuss:
As Dean and I talked, I also realized how applicable these ideas are to the work I do with parents in the Taming Your Triggers workshop. It’s not surprising that parents feel triggered by their child’s behavior when you consider the trauma that we’ve experienced. Even if you had ‘good parents,’ they still raised you to succeed within a system that told you to hide unacceptable parts of yourself so you could be ‘successful’ - which means getting good grades, going to college, getting a good job, buying a house, and raising a family. And we’re supposed to do all of this by ourselves, without relying on others - because then we’ll need to buy more stuff along the journey. Our culture uses shame to enforce these rules and keep us in line - that’s why we feel a sense of wrong-ness when we do something that isn’t socially acceptable - like asking for help, for example. Because these traumas happened in community, they’re most effectively healed in community as well - just as these two parents did when they built on each other’s knowledge in the workshop earlier this year (screenshot shared with permission): If you want to jump-start your ability to actually apply that knowledge in your interactions with your children by learning in community with others, then Taming Your Triggers will help you. Join the waitlist and we'll let you know when doors reopen. Click the banner to learn more!
Dr. Dean Spade's Book
Jump to highlights
01:30 Introduction to the episode and guest speaker Dr. Dean Spade
03:24 Definition of Mutual Aid and how it’s different from Charity
08:26 How the history of Social Movement was organized by Mutual Aid
09:54 Montgomery bus boycott is one of the most famous social movement work in the history of the US
15:35 The impacts of having problematic systems and structures in our society on parents
17:16 The challenges that the radical social movement is facing
18:29 How mutual Aid functions during a crisis
23:22 Why it's so essential to create a system of Mutual Aid in which we actually take care of each other and that doesn't destroy people's dignity and humanity
25:53 Why is it important to talk about Mutual Aid now
30:04 How capitalism worsens the condition of our society and why mutual aid is the only way to survive it
35:44 The importance of mutual aid in our well-being and in the society
40:09 What does Mutual Aid look like
44:53 How being involved in Mutual Aid can bring a sense of healing
46:43 Factors in our society that make us feel burnout
48:51 Dr. Spade’s way of recovering from burnout and avoidance
50:35 All powerful social movements for liberation have always been done by people who were living under the worst conditions
51:48 Importance of having a sense of urgency
53:13 Ways we should prepare for each coming emergency
54:37 How to find a Mutual Aid group in your community
References
Blakemore, E. (2018, Feb 6, updated 2021, Jan 29). How the Black Panthers’ breakfast program both inspired and threatened the government. History.com. Retrieved from https://www.history.com/news/free-school-breakfast-black-panther-party
Clarke, L. (1999). Mission improbable: Using fantasy documents to tame disaster. Chicago: University of Chicago.
Dominguez, D., Garcia, D., Martinez, D.A., & Hernandez-Arriga, B. (2020). Leveraging the power of mutual aid, coalitions, leadership, and advocacy during COVID-19. Psychology. 67. https://repository.usfca.edu/psyc/67
Fernando, C. (2021). Mutual aid networks find roots in communities of color. ABC News. Retrieved from: https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/mutual-aid-networks-find-roots-communities-color-75403719#:~:text=The%20African%20Union%20Society%20in,denied%20resources%20by%20white%20institutions.
Ginwright, S. (2018, May 31). The future of healing: Shifting from trauma-informed care to healing-centered engagement. Medium. Retrieved from: https://ginwright.medium.com/the-future-of-healing-shifting-from-trauma-informed-care-to-healing-centered-engagement-634f557ce69chooks, b. (1993). Sisters of the yam: Black women and self-recovery. South End Press.
Kenney, Z. (2019). Solidarity, not charity: Mutual aid in natural disaster relief. Unpublished Master’s Thesis, Northern Arizona University.
Klein, N. (2007). The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism. Picador.
Kropotkin, P. (1914/2006). Mutual aid: A factor of evolution. Mineola: Dover.
National Humanities Center (2007). Mutual Benefit. Author. Retrieved from http://nationalhumanitiescenter.org/pds/maai/community/text5/text5read.htm
Sircar, O. (2022). ‘Mutual aid is present in every crisis’: An interview with Dean Spade. Jindal Global Law Review 13(1), 191-220.
Spade, D. (2010, October). For those considering law school. Author. Retrieved from: http://www.deanspade.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/For-Those-Considering-Law-School.pdf
Spade, D. (2020). Solidarity not charity: Mutual aid for mobilization and survival. Social Text 142, 131-151.
Spade, D. (2020). Mutual aid: Building solidarity during this crisis (and the next). London: Verso.
Spade, D. (2021). What is mutual aid? (Classroom version). YouTube. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYPgTZeF5Z0
Spade, D. (2021-2022). Workshop series: Building capacity for mutual aid. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.deanspade.net/category/video/ (see link for four workshops in the series, including separate presentation slides, results from live polls, and additional resources)
Steinberg, T. (2006). Acts of God: The unnatural history of natural disaster in America. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
The Praxis Project (n.d.). Centering community in public health: Recognizing healing-centered community practices as a complement to trauma-informed interventions and services. Author. Retrieved from: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5bf21032b98a7888bf3b6e21/t/5f36efa82e32e91a7703b80d/1597435824760/LC1+Brief+-+Healing.pdf
- What is mutual aid, and how it’s more effective than volunteering
- How we heal in community with others from the effects that benign-seeming systems like capitalism have on us
- Ways to find and get involved in mutual aid projects
As Dean and I talked, I also realized how applicable these ideas are to the work I do with parents in the Taming Your Triggers workshop. It’s not surprising that parents feel triggered by their child’s behavior when you consider the trauma that we’ve experienced. Even if you had ‘good parents,’ they still raised you to succeed within a system that told you to hide unacceptable parts of yourself so you could be ‘successful’ - which means getting good grades, going to college, getting a good job, buying a house, and raising a family. And we’re supposed to do all of this by ourselves, without relying on others - because then we’ll need to buy more stuff along the journey. Our culture uses shame to enforce these rules and keep us in line - that’s why we feel a sense of wrong-ness when we do something that isn’t socially acceptable - like asking for help, for example. Because these traumas happened in community, they’re most effectively healed in community as well - just as these two parents did when they built on each other’s knowledge in the workshop earlier this year (screenshot shared with permission): If you want to jump-start your ability to actually apply that knowledge in your interactions with your children by learning in community with others, then Taming Your Triggers will help you. Join the waitlist and we'll let you know when doors reopen. Click the banner to learn more!
Mutual Aid: Building Solidarity During This Crisis (and the Next) - Affiliate link
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Jump to highlights
01:30 Introduction to the episode and guest speaker Dr. Dean Spade
03:24 Definition of Mutual Aid and how it’s different from Charity
08:26 How the history of Social Movement was organized by Mutual Aid
09:54 Montgomery bus boycott is one of the most famous social movement work in the history of the US
15:35 The impacts of having problematic systems and structures in our society on parents
17:16 The challenges that the radical social movement is facing
18:29 How mutual Aid functions during a crisis
23:22 Why it's so essential to create a system of Mutual Aid in which we actually take care of each other and that doesn't destroy people's dignity and humanity
25:53 Why is it important to talk about Mutual Aid now
30:04 How capitalism worsens the condition of our society and why mutual aid is the only way to survive it
35:44 The importance of mutual aid in our well-being and in the society
40:09 What does Mutual Aid look like
44:53 How being involved in Mutual Aid can bring a sense of healing
46:43 Factors in our society that make us feel burnout
48:51 Dr. Spade’s way of recovering from burnout and avoidance
50:35 All powerful social movements for liberation have always been done by people who were living under the worst conditions
51:48 Importance of having a sense of urgency
53:13 Ways we should prepare for each coming emergency
54:37 How to find a Mutual Aid group in your community
References
Blakemore, E. (2018, Feb 6, updated 2021, Jan 29). How the Black Panthers’ breakfast program both inspired and threatened the government. History.com. Retrieved from https://www.history.com/news/free-school-breakfast-black-panther-party
Clarke, L. (1999). Mission improbable: Using fantasy documents to tame disaster. Chicago: University of Chicago.
Dominguez, D., Garcia, D., Martinez, D.A., & Hernandez-Arriga, B. (2020). Leveraging the power of mutual aid, coalitions, leadership, and advocacy during COVID-19. Psychology. 67. https://repository.usfca.edu/psyc/67
Fernando, C. (2021). Mutual aid networks find roots in communities of color. ABC News. Retrieved from: https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/mutual-aid-networks-find-roots-communities-color-75403719#:~:text=The%20African%20Union%20Society%20in,denied%20resources%20by%20white%20institutions.
Ginwright, S. (2018, May 31). The future of healing: Shifting from trauma-informed care to healing-centered engagement. Medium. Retrieved from: https://ginwright.medium.com/the-future-of-healing-shifting-from-trauma-informed-care-to-healing-centered-engagement-634f557ce69chooks, b. (1993). Sisters of the yam: Black women and self-recovery. South End Press.
Kenney, Z. (2019). Solidarity, not charity: Mutual aid in natural disaster relief. Unpublished Master’s Thesis, Northern Arizona University.
Klein, N. (2007). The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism. Picador.
Kropotkin, P. (1914/2006). Mutual aid: A factor of evolution. Mineola: Dover.
National Humanities Center (2007). Mutual Benefit. Author. Retrieved from http://nationalhumanitiescenter.org/pds/maai/community/text5/text5read.htm
Sircar, O. (2022). ‘Mutual aid is present in every crisis’: An interview with Dean Spade. Jindal Global Law Review 13(1), 191-220.
Spade, D. (2010, October). For those considering law school. Author. Retrieved from: http://www.deanspade.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/For-Those-Considering-Law-School.pdf
Spade, D. (2020). Solidarity not charity: Mutual aid for mobilization and survival. Social Text 142, 131-151.
Spade, D. (2020). Mutual aid: Building solidarity during this crisis (and the next). London: Verso.
Spade, D. (2021). What is mutual aid? (Classroom version). YouTube. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYPgTZeF5Z0
Spade, D. (2021-2022). Workshop series: Building capacity for mutual aid. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.deanspade.net/category/video/ (see link for four workshops in the series, including separate presentation slides, results from live polls, and additional resources)
Steinberg, T. (2006). Acts of God: The unnatural history of natural disaster in America. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
The Praxis Project (n.d.). Centering community in public health: Recognizing healing-centered community practices as a complement to trauma-informed interventions and services. Author. Retrieved from: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5bf21032b98a7888bf3b6e21/t/5f36efa82e32e91a7703b80d/1597435824760/LC1+Brief+-+Healing.pdf