Episode 438: Should You Share Your Sexual Fantasies?

8 snips

Oct 7, 2025

In this engaging discussion, Matthew Kimberley, a Lecturer in Psychology at Birmingham City University who researches sexual fantasies, breaks down the complexities of sharing intimate desires. He reveals that while many people choose to share their fantasies, motivations can vary widely—from seeking sexual gratification to enhancing relationship trust. Matthew also explores how partners typically react, often positively contrary to expectations. Listeners gain insights on when and how to communicate fantasies safely with partners.

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INSIGHT

Fantasy Disclosure Was Understudied

Researchers found sexual fantasy disclosure was understudied and complex, varying by content and relationship context.
Matthew Kimberley launched focused surveys to explore who shares fantasies, why, and typical partner reactions.

ADVICE

Share For Sexual Gratification Carefully

Share fantasies when your goal is sexual gratification or mutual arousal and you expect consent to enact them.
Remember, disclosing can itself be arousing and doesn't always imply you want to act the fantasy out.

INSIGHT

Relationship Security Drives Disclosure

Relationship trust, longevity, and mutual intimacy predict willingness to disclose fantasies.
Conversely, new or insecure relationships make disclosure feel risky and more likely to be withheld.

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What happens when people decide to share their sexual fantasies? How does it usually go? In today’s show, we’re going to explore how many people have ever shared their fantasies with a partner before, the five most common reasons that people decide to open up about them, as well as how partners usually react to fantasy disclosure.

I am joined by Matthew Kimberley, a lecturer in Psychology at Birmingham City University. He researches sexual fantasies and also leads the Gender, Sexuality and Intimate Relationships Research Lab.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

Is it common for people to share their fantasies with their partners?
What is the most common reason for sharing a sexual fantasy?
Why do some people choose to keep their fantasies secret?
Do partners typically respond positively or negatively when fantasies are shared?
When is sharing your fantasies a good idea?

You can check out the Gender, Sexuality and Intimate Relationships Research Lab’s website to learn more about Matthew’s work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.