Creating a right of passage for young men helps them find their footing in adulthood and navigate the world with confidence and competence.
Intentionally cultivating key moments in adolescence can shape young men for the better by helping them understand the significance of each event and its connection to their journey into manhood.
Shifting the focus from being a good man to being good at being a man increases motivation and engagement in the journey of becoming a confident and competent individual.
Deep dives
Creating a Pathway into Manhood
John Tyson, author of 'The Intentional Father,' shares his journey creating a six-year right of passage for his son. He emphasizes the importance of guiding young men into adulthood, as many struggle with their identity and direction. Tyson explains that most young men lack a right of passage, which was once a key part of every culture. To address this, Tyson designed a pathway for his son, focusing on wisdom, character, and skills. He gathered a group of fathers to form a supportive community and engaged in intentional moments, such as ceremonial dinners and initiation rituals. By shifting the focus from being a good man to being good at being a man, Tyson reignited his son's motivation to embrace the challenges of becoming a well-rounded individual.
Preparing for Moments of Adolescence
Tyson emphasizes the significance of preparing for key moments in adolescence to make them part of a larger right of passage. He believes that intentionally cultivating these moments can shape young men for the better. Tyson encourages dads to think ahead and plan for important milestones like the first shave, getting a driver's license, or receiving a cell phone. By approaching these moments with thoughtfulness and creating meaningful experiences around them, fathers can help their sons understand the significance of each event and its connection to their larger journey into manhood.
Shifting Focus: Being Good at Being a Man
Tyson shares the importance of shifting the focus from being a good man to being good at being a man. He believes that this shift ignited a renewed motivation in his son. By helping his son develop practical skills, understand women, and embrace different roles in society, Tyson empowered his son to be confident and competent in various aspects of life. This shift from a feeble, bland morality to a passionate and purpose-driven focus increased his son's motivation and engagement in his journey to becoming a man.
Teaching Values and Family History
The podcast episode explores the importance of teaching values and family history to young people. The speaker emphasizes the significance of providing young individuals with a compelling and honest family story that gives them something to push against and helps them understand their own identity. By sharing the family's history and the sacrifices made by previous generations, young people can gain a sense of their own potential, the risks involved in life, and the importance of carrying forward the family's legacy.
The Shifts of Manhood and Initiating Young Men
The podcast discusses the shifts of manhood, highlighting the importance of teaching young men the values associated with classical virtues. These virtues include embracing difficulty over ease, prioritizing others over oneself, understanding that one is part of a larger story, surrendering control to a higher power, and considering the eternal impact of one's actions. The speaker modified these concepts to create the shifts of manhood and implemented them to initiate his own son into manhood. Through various experiences, conversations, and challenges, the speaker guided his son in developing these key values and preparing him for the stages and challenges of life.
A lot of young men today struggle in finding their footing in adulthood. They feel lost, directionless, and unsure of who they are and how to confidently and competently navigate the world.
Part of the reason for this is that most young men today lack something which was once a part of nearly every culture in the world, but has now almost entirely disappeared: a rite of passage.
My guest today didn't want his son to flounder on the way to maturity, nor to miss out on having an initiation into manhood, so he set out to create a 6-year journey for him that would help him move from boy to man. His name is Jon Tyson, and he's the author of The Intentional Father: A Practical Guide to Raise Sons of Courage and Character. Today on the show, Jon unpacks the components of the years-long journey into manhood he created for his son, beginning with how he brainstormed those components by doing "The Day Your Son Leaves Home" exercise. We then discuss how old Jon's son was when he started his rite of passage and why it began with him having a "severing dinner" with his mom. We get into what his rite of passage consisted of, from the kickoff ceremony to the challenges, experiences, trips, and daily rituals Jon used to impart values and teach his son the "5 Shifts of Manhood." Jon shares how moving his son's focus from being a good man, to being good at being a man, helped him get remotivated to continue the process, why his rite of passage included a gap year after high school, and how Jon celebrated the end of his son's journey into becoming a man. We also discuss whether Jon did something similar with his daughter. We end our conversation with some key principles any dad can use to start intentionally helping their kids become well-rounded individuals who can confidently step out on their own and into the world.
