ERP 271: How Forgiveness Plays A Powerful Role In Relationship - An Interview With Judith Belmont

Holding on to the past may seem like gaining power over things that cannot be changed, but the opposite is true. Judith Belmont, motivational speaker, author, and psychotherapist for 40 years, advises that forgiving makes you and your relationship happier and more loving.

Forgiveness is essential to become free of the pains of the past. The hurt may never leave, but it can be managed positively so that you no longer have to bring it into your relationship and instead focus on the here and now.

Judith is the author of 9 mental health and wellness books and therapeutic card decks, including Embrace Your Greatness and The Anxiety and Stress Solution Deck. Her books cover self-help, personal development, and tips and tools for therapists working with clients.

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

In this episode: 

04:17 Introduction to Judith Belmont

06:43 Forgiving does not condone an action that was taken. What it does is allow you to move on from your past and prevent another person from gaining power over you.

10:28 Reliving the hurt of the past means that you will never be free of it. This is the opposite of mindfulness which is defined as non-judgmental awareness.

15:41 People don't want to be wronged. Forgiveness may seem counterproductive to this sense of righteousness, but it allows you to overcome a former way of thinking that is no longer relevant to you and your life today.

17:02 In relationship, living your partner's narrative of you makes you at the mercy of someone else and distorts your self-esteem.

20:07 The hardest thing for most people is forgiving themselves as people are notoriously less forgiving of themselves than others.

23:31 Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. Forgiveness is giving up your righteousness that you were wronged or you wronged yourself, accepting what happened and growing from it.

28:58 Reclaim your power over your feelings. It is YOU who allowed yourself to feel something with someone else's actions. Be a victor instead of being a victim.

33:15 Feeling hurt is necessary to let you know that something wrong happened. In fact, some situations will deepen you because of the hurt. You can manage hurt instead of carrying it.

37:29 Judith's tips and strategies for forgiving others and yourself

40:11 Information on Judith's books, therapeutic cards, and website

Mentioned

• Judith's website
• What is Your Forgiveness IQ? by Judith Belmont
• Judith's Amazon author page
• ERP 026: How to Repair & Resolve Hurt in Relationship
• ERP 123: Forgive For Love with Dr. Fred Luskin
• ERP 153: How to Repair a Breach of Trust in Relationship
• ERP 158: How to Resolve Resentment in Your Relationship
• Shifting Criticism for Connected Communication by Dr. Jessica Higgins

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