Establishing Household Roles: Tips For Couples to Avoid Conflict | Dr. Julie Hanks | #119

Feb 10, 2025

Dr. Julie Hanks, a licensed therapist and expert in family dynamics, joins the discussion to tackle the tricky topic of household roles. She emphasizes the significance of valuing unpaid labor to foster equitable partnerships. The conversation highlights the pitfalls of traditional gender roles, urging couples to communicate openly about expectations and contributions. Tips on preventing resentment through shared responsibilities are shared, along with strategies to recognize and appreciate the often invisible work each partner does, ultimately strengthening relationships.

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ANECDOTE

Early Partnership

Julie Hanks questioned traditional assumptions about household chores early in her marriage.
She split wedding thank-you notes equally with her husband, rejecting the expectation that it was solely her responsibility.

ADVICE

Shared Decisions

Determine household roles together, considering each person's preferences and strengths.
Don't default to traditional gender roles without discussion.

ADVICE

Shared Responsibility

Reframe requests for help with chores as contributions to shared family life.
Avoid phrases like "help me" and use "help us" or "contribute to our family."

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Today on Stronger Marriage Connection, hosts Dr. Liz Hale and Dr. Dave Schramm sit down with Dr. Julie Hanks, a licensed therapist specializing in marriage and family therapy. They discuss the challenges couples face when dividing household labor and how to create a fair and equitable partnership. Dr. Hanks introduces the concept of a partnership model of family organization, emphasizing the importance of communication, shared responsibility, and recognizing invisible work. Listeners will learn how to navigate traditional gender roles, reduce resentment, and establish healthy household dynamics to strengthen their relationships.

About Julie:

Julie de Azevedo Hanks holds a PhD in marriage and family therapy and is a licensed therapist specializing in the intersection of faith, family relationships, and women's mental health for 3 decades. She is the owner of Wasatch Family Therapy, author of The Assertiveness Guide for Women, host of Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast, adjunct faculty in the MSW program at Utah Valley University, and an online content creator.

Insights:

Julie: "Unpaid work is just as valuable as paid work. Recognize and appreciate both in your relationship to avoid unnecessary division."
Liz: "Balance division of labor without creating division. The work doesn’t end when the paid job is over—how you divide responsibilities at home matters."
Dave: "Beyond paid and unpaid work, there’s the mental load—planning, worrying, organizing. A simple ‘thank you’ for that unseen effort goes a long way."

Julie's Resources

Website: DrJulieHanks.com

Social Media: @DrJulieHanks

Books & Resources: The Assertiveness Guide for Women & Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

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