Stronger Marriage Connection

Establishing Household Roles: Tips For Couples to Avoid Conflict | Dr. Julie Hanks | #119

Feb 10, 2025

Dr. Julie Hanks, a licensed therapist and expert in family dynamics, joins the discussion to tackle the tricky topic of household roles. She emphasizes the significance of valuing unpaid labor to foster equitable partnerships. The conversation highlights the pitfalls of traditional gender roles, urging couples to communicate openly about expectations and contributions. Tips on preventing resentment through shared responsibilities are shared, along with strategies to recognize and appreciate the often invisible work each partner does, ultimately strengthening relationships.

36:08

Episode guests

Julie Hanks

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Episode notes

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Quick takeaways

Acknowledging and valuing unpaid household labor is essential to prevent resentment and foster a more equitable partnership between couples.

Implementing a partnership model that emphasizes shared responsibilities and ongoing communication can significantly enhance family dynamics and reduce household conflict.

Deep dives

Understanding Household Chores and Gender Roles

The conversation highlights the ongoing issue of household chores predominantly falling on women, as they are often socialized to see family organization and cleanliness as reflections of their value. Women, more frequently than men, initiate discussions about achieving a more equitable division of labor at home, primarily due to feelings of being overwhelmed by their workload. This imbalance is compounded by traditional gender roles, where women take on a majority of unpaid labor while men often feel they contribute more than they do. By recognizing this dynamic, couples can work towards better communication and a more balanced partnership.

Intro

2min

Redefining Household Roles

19min

Navigating Household Responsibilities: Communication and Equitable Division

4min

Navigating Household Roles and Expectations in Relationships

4min

Valuing Unpaid Work in Household Dynamics

2min

Recognizing Invisible Contributions in Household Labor

3min

Strengthening Marriage through Small Actions

3min

Be sure to watch this and every epsidoe of the podcast on YouTube:

https://youtu.be/IQ3pSyQ-9HY

Today on Stronger Marriage Connection, hosts Dr. Liz Hale and Dr. Dave Schramm sit down with Dr. Julie Hanks, a licensed therapist specializing in marriage and family therapy. They discuss the challenges couples face when dividing household labor and how to create a fair and equitable partnership. Dr. Hanks introduces the concept of a partnership model of family organization, emphasizing the importance of communication, shared responsibility, and recognizing invisible work. Listeners will learn how to navigate traditional gender roles, reduce resentment, and establish healthy household dynamics to strengthen their relationships.

About Julie:

Julie de Azevedo Hanks holds a PhD in marriage and family therapy and is a licensed therapist specializing in the intersection of faith, family relationships, and women's mental health for 3 decades. She is the owner of Wasatch Family Therapy, author of The Assertiveness Guide for Women, host of Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast, adjunct faculty in the MSW program at Utah Valley University, and an online content creator.

Insights:

Julie: "Unpaid work is just as valuable as paid work. Recognize and appreciate both in your relationship to avoid unnecessary division."
Liz: "Balance division of labor without creating division. The work doesn’t end when the paid job is over—how you divide responsibilities at home matters."
Dave: "Beyond paid and unpaid work, there’s the mental load—planning, worrying, organizing. A simple ‘thank you’ for that unseen effort goes a long way."

Julie's Resources

Website: DrJulieHanks.com

Social Media: @DrJulieHanks

Books & Resources: The Assertiveness Guide for Women & Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

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