Episode 211: Walking an Impossible Line: Talking Honestly with Your Kids About Their Other Parent

Apr 6, 2023

In this engaging discussion, Christina McGhee, an internationally recognized divorce parenting expert, shares valuable insights into navigating tough conversations with children about divorce. She emphasizes the importance of honesty while avoiding harmful details and suggests methods like asking children what they feel instead of over-explaining. Christina advises parents to process their emotions first and highlights the need for boundaries to support kids' feelings. The conversation also touches on when to involve professionals and how to help children cope with an emotionally unavailable co-parent.

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ADVICE

Name The Issue Briefly

When a child asks if a parent cheated, name it briefly: "That was one of the issues in our relationship."
Keep explanations minimal and age-appropriate to avoid over-sharing or vilifying the other parent.

ADVICE

Get Right With Yourself First

Get emotionally grounded before talking to kids: process your feelings or seek support first.
Prepare so you can show up calm and avoid using kids to process adult trauma.

ADVICE

Ask Before You Explain

Pause and ask curiosity questions when kids bring up concerns: "What have you noticed?" "Did something happen?"
Focus on their feelings before giving any explanations.

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"Mom, did Dad cheat on you?" If and when your child comes to you with questions about why you and your ex are divorcing, do you know how you plan to respond?

This week, Christina McGhee joins me to talk about how to walk the line between not gaslighting your children versus not throwing a co-parent under the bus or telling children truths that might be too hard for them to hear. In this episode, you'll hear practical strategies for maneuvering this complex situation.

This is an important episode for any parent going through a divorce or experiencing hardships in their relationship. As you listen, please remember to allow yourself grace as you walk this difficult journey with your kids.

Featured topics include:

How to communicate with kids about the 'whys' around the ending of your marriage (4:55)
A reminder that you do not need to give a full accounting of your marital issues (13:20)
Meet your kids where they're at, and focus on their feelings. (14:08)
You don't need all of the answers in order to have a conversation with your children. (20:58)
Think before you speak and consider: Do you need to share certain information because your child should hear it or because you feel the need to tell it? (23:02)
How to respond when your child says their co-parent is not emotionally available to have a conversation or listen to them, and how to help your kids learn to cope. (25:28)

Learn more about Christina McGhee:

Christina McGhee, MSW is an internationally recognized divorce parenting expert, speaker, and author. While splitting up is undeniably hard, Christina believes divorce doesn't have to equal devastation for families. She feels with the right kind of information and support, parents have the ability to be a child's absolute best resource when families change.

Throughout her career, she has educated both parents and professionals on how to minimize the impact of divorce on children. In her book, PARENTING APART: How separated and divorced parents can raise happy and secure kids, Christina offers parents useful strategies for dealing with the "real-life" everyday challenges of coparenting.

One of her core beliefs is that divorce doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you a parent going through a bad time. Because she is passionate about helping parents get through that bad time, Christina also maintains an active coaching practice that allows her to work with Moms and Dads all over the world.

Most recently, Christina launched an online program, Coparenting with Purpose. Designed to provide moms and dads with an easy, convenient way to access critical information, it's filled with practical tools and solutions for managing the most common coparenting problems.

Additionally, she has contributed to several other media projects as a featured expert, a content consultant, and a writer/producer. Currently, she serves as a consulting producer and subject matter expert for the documentaries SPLIT: A film for kids and their parents and Split UP: The Teen Years, two compelling films that let kids know they're not alone and normalize the many feelings and experiences children and teens encounter when parents part.

Over the years, she has been featured on television, radio, podcasts, and in print around the US and abroad. A few places you may have seen her are TODAY Parents, the BBC, The Times, and Parents Magazine.

Married for over twenty-seven years, Christina and her husband live outside of Houston, Texas. As a mom of four (two bonus and two bio) children, she has acquired extensive on-the-job training as a chauffeur, negotiator, short-order cook, scheduler extraordinaire, and finder of all things lost. To find out more, check her out at divorceandchildren.com

Resources & Links:Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-211-talking-honestly-with-your-kids-about-their-other-parent Our monthly live Q+A, Coffee Klatch with Kate, is happening next Tuesday, April 11, at 9:30 am Pacific / 12:30 pm Eastern. Register here!Grit & Grace Coaching Program Private Coaching with Kate Christina's website Parenting Apart, Christina McGhee Christina on Facebook Christina on Instagram Christina on LinkedIn Episode 209: Sex Addiction, Cheating, and Betrayal with Dr. Rob Dr. Cocchiola's Protective Parenting Program

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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.