This podcast explores gratitude towards parents, the concept of scapegoating in family dynamics, and the resistance to accountability. It also discusses generational differences in understanding gratitude and the validity of different perspectives in sibling dynamics.
Children do not owe gratitude to their parents for meeting basic needs; emotional closeness and love are also important.
Scapegoating in toxic families shifts blame from the parent onto one child, isolating them and disregarding the parent's responsibility.
Deep dives
Importance of Creating a Safe Space for Children
Parents have a responsibility to create a safe and stable environment for their children. It is not the child's duty to owe gratitude to their parents for meeting basic needs such as food and shelter. Children also require emotional closeness and love, and holding oneself accountable as a parent is crucial in fostering healthy relationships.
The Damaging Effects of Scapegoating
Scapegoating is a common dynamic in toxic families, where one child is labeled as the troublemaker or the problem. This behavior shifts blame from the parent onto the child, disregarding the parent's responsibility to create a safe and loving relationship. Siblings are often enlisted to support the scapegoating narrative, further isolating the targeted child.
The Difficulty in Being Accountable as a Parent
Many parents struggle with being accountable for their actions and mistakes. This could be due to the fear of change or the discomfort of acknowledging one's own wrongdoings. However, being accountable is crucial to maintaining healthy parent-child relationships and addressing harmful behaviors. It requires self-reflection, accepting responsibility, and making amends.
No Obligation for Forgiveness or Reconciliation
Adult children who have cut off toxic parents are not obligated to give them a second chance or forgive them. While some parents may make efforts to change and apologize, it is up to the adult child to decide if they are open to rebuilding the relationship. Forgiveness can be given from a distance or not at all, and the focus should be on the adult child's healing and well-being.
On this episode, host Harriet Shearsmith talks about gratitude and whether that is something that we owe our parents, what scapegoating means and why it's used and asks why is it so hard for parent's of adult children who have cut them off to hold themselves accountable.