Salimah Part 3 of 4: When Your Happy Kid is Mean to You

This is part three of the four part series with Salimah, single mother of three. This week, Leslie and Salimah focus on 5 year old Terrel. Terrel is the youngest child and also the only “man of the house.” He is typically a happy go-lucky child. But there are other behaviors that have Salimah confused and frustrated.  He can sometimes say mean things, he can be quick to anger and he is dealing with issues with his bowel movements. These different parts of the same child motivated Salimah to come to this session to understand what is at the root of these behaviors.

Time Stamps

• 2:35 Reviewed homework of validation 
• 5:16 Learning how to read the shoulder shrugs and what they mean
• 7:40 When our children “push our buttons”  which really describe our vulnerabilities
• 8:15 ABC of looking at a child’s behavior: Antecedent, Behavior, Consequence in order to understand problem behavior
• 13:29 Give your child back the actual problem without personalizing their behavior.  
• 14:01 When children say mean things it's often a reflection of how they are doing
• 26:05 Children can have control of their lives in two ways: eating and bowel movements
• 26:50 Control helps the child feel a sense of safety.
• 30:52 Finding other means to find happiness
• 31:30 Dealing with his vulnerabilities of his sad and angry emotions
• 34:09 Learning to sit with uncomfortable emotions
• 34:35 Give your child the chance to feel capable and independent
• 36:48 Teach him to be able to handle the fears

Resources

• An article on Encopresis in children
• Leslie's handout on The Need to Feel Capable
• Leslie's List of Ideas for Making Kids Feel Capable

Leslie-ism: Give your child a chance to feel capable

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Mia Warren, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.