David Yeager, a psychology professor at the University of Texas and author of "10 to 25," shares insights on motivating young people. He emphasizes the balance of tough love: high standards combined with support. Yeager discusses how traditional nagging can shut down a teen’s logical thinking, advocating for calm communication instead. He also explores the shift in leadership styles, highlighting Satya Nadella’s supportive approach at Microsoft, contrasting it with the fear-driven methods of the past. This conversation is a treasure trove for anyone looking to inspire the next generation.
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Pete and Leona's Story
David Yeager's grandfather, Pete, showed both toughness and support.
Pete's mother, Leona, pushed him to succeed while arranging support, changing his life.
insights INSIGHT
Motivating Young People
Young people are capable of great things if you find the right motivational trigger.
Focus on deeper motives like meaning, significance, status, and respect.
insights INSIGHT
Parental Nagging Study
Nagging triggers the emotional part of a teen's brain, hindering logical thinking.
Speak calmly and neutrally to engage their planning and decision-making centers.
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This biography, written by Ian O’Connor, provides a penetrating examination of Mike Krzyzewski’s life and career. Through unprecedented access to Krzyzewski’s best friends, closest advisers, fiercest adversaries, and generations of his players and assistants, O’Connor delivers previously untold stories about the relationships that define Coach K. The book covers Krzyzewski’s tough Chicago upbringing, his mentorship under Bob Knight, and his enduring impact on college basketball, including his five national championships at Duke and three Olympic gold medals with Team USA.
10 to 25 : The Science of Motivating Young People
David S. Yeager
In this book, David Yeager presents groundbreaking research on motivating young people between the ages of 10 and 25. He challenges the conventional 'incompetence model' of adolescent behavior, which views young people as lacking in maturity, self-control, and decision-making ability. Instead, Yeager introduces the social belonging theory, emphasizing that young people are driven by a deep need for social connection and belonging. The book explains how adults can adopt a 'mentor mindset' by validating young people’s perspectives, asking them questions, being transparent about their beliefs and goals, and holding them to high standards. This approach has been shown to reduce various behavior problems, including school dropout, unhealthy eating, stress, and mental health issues. Yeager's work provides a constructive and hopeful perspective on adolescent development, offering actionable insights for educators, parents, and mentors to create environments that foster motivation, resilience, and success[2][3][5].
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes. The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk
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Notes:
The Pete and Leona story - What will people say about you at your funeral?
"They changed my life and the lives of my entire family."
Tough love out of 100% care for you.
Be tough AND supportive.
Don't lower your standards.
High standards. High support.
10 to 25 - Find the right trigger for motivation. Find out what they care about. They need meaning and significance. They want status and earned respect.
Are children less afraid of their parents now than they used to be? Dan Gilbert calls this the "illusion of moral decline." It's been happening for 75 years.
The Parental Nagging Study - A common tactic adults use to get teens to “pay attention.” Research shows that nagging triggers the emotional part of a teen’s brain, shutting down their ability to think logically. They’re not ignoring you on purpose—they’re simply wired to tune out. A better way? Speak calmly and neutrally to engage the part of their brain that handles planning and decision-making. This opens the door to real conversation.
Satya Nadella’s Model, Coach, Care philosophy at Microsoft. This is the opposite of Jack Welch’s rank and yank style at GE. Remember, the stack ranking methodology limited innovation and stopped people from taking any type of risk. We want to model the right behavior, coach others, and ensure they know we care for them so they feel the support they need to take risks, sometimes fail, get back up, and work to innovate.
Theory X = Rank and yank. It stifled innovation for fear of failure and getting fired.
Theory Y = No stack rankings. Built on connecting leaders with their people. Still high standards and demanding. Followed the "Model, Coach, Care" methodology. This is what's happening today at Microsoft. Be a place where people want to work.
The Mentor's Dilemma - Stef Okamoto - honest, direct, and supportive.
The "mentor's dilemma" refers to the challenge of balancing honest, critical feedback to young people while still maintaining their motivation and self-esteem, as this age group can be particularly sensitive to perceived criticism and may easily feel discouraged or disrespected if not approached carefully; essentially, it's the struggle between pushing someone to improve and potentially damaging their confidence by being too harsh.
The mentor mindset: A mentor mindset can be adopted by using practices such as validating young people's perspectives, asking them questions, and holding them to high standards.
Questioning – Kate, a mom of two who lives in Chicago, whose oldest son was a sophomore came home one night from a party drunk and high. Kate responded with a combination of yelling and prosecuting… She instigated an interrogation and not a two-way conversation. Instead of interrogating, get curious. They had a reason for what they did. Figure out why. What's your plan?
Ask questions to get them to own their thinking and share it with you.
Advice - Don’t accept some perceived path. Be reliable, show up, do the work, and ask for more work. Add surplus value. Whatever you’re being paid, focus on delivering 10x more value. Find a way to do that and your employer will beg to give you a raise and promote you.
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