EP 7 Importance of community, estrangement grief & cycle breaking with Abbey Williams
Mar 8, 2023
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Host Harriet Shearsmith talks to Abbey Williams about the importance of community, estrangement grief, and cycle breaking. They discuss the significance of community in healing and overcoming loneliness, emotional abuse from mothers, breaking cycles and consciously choosing parenting styles, setting boundaries and cutting ties, and the importance of creating a supportive family.
The podcast emphasizes the importance of community in the healing process of estrangement and highlights the need for online support for mothers
The conversation challenges the notion that forgiveness is necessary for healing and advocates for self-forgiveness instead, placing the responsibility on the abuser to change
Deep dives
The Journey of Unfollowing Mum and Healing from Toxic Family Dynamics
The podcast episode features a conversation with Abby, the host of the podcast 'You, The Mother,' discussing her journey of estrangement from her mother and the importance of community in the healing process. Abby shares how the lack of online support during her early motherhood led her to create a platform for moms to connect and discuss the highs and lows of motherhood. The conversation delves into the grief and bereavement experienced when cutting ties with a toxic family member and the misconception that forgiveness is necessary for healing. Abby emphasizes the significance of self-compassion and accountability as a parent by modeling healthy behaviors and owning up to mistakes, breaking the cycle of toxic patterns.
Grieving the Loss of What Could Have Been
Abby and the podcast host discuss the process of grieving the loss of the idealized version of their mothers that they wished for. They highlight the importance of acknowledging the emotions that come with estrangement, such as anger, sadness, and resentment. They share their experiences of learning to extend compassion and understanding to their mothers, while also recognizing the need to prioritize their own well-being and set boundaries. The conversation challenges the notion that forgiveness is necessary for healing and advocates for self-forgiveness instead, emphasizing that the responsibility lies with the abuser, not the survivor, to change.
Breaking the Cycle: Modeling Accountability and Repair
The podcast explores the process of breaking the cycle of toxic behaviors by consciously parenting in a different way. Abby and the host discuss self-awareness and the challenges of shifting away from repeating patterns learned from dysfunctional family systems. They emphasize the importance of self-compassion in this journey and acknowledge that parents will make mistakes. However, they highlight that the key lies in being accountable for those mistakes and openly apologizing to their children. By modeling responsibility and repair, they aim to build trust, connection, and a healthy relationship with their children.
Challenging Societal Expectations: Family & Forgiveness
The podcast challenges societal expectations around family dynamics and forgiveness. Abby highlights how toxic family relationships can be more damaging than other types of abusive relationships, yet society often pressures individuals to prioritize family loyalty over their own mental health and well-being. She shares her personal experiences and emphasizes that choosing to cut off contact with a toxic family member is often a last resort after exhausting other efforts to set boundaries and have difficult conversations. The conversation highlights the need for a shift in societal perspectives and greater understanding and support for those who make the difficult decision to estrange themselves from their families.
In this episode, host Harriet Shearsmith talks to the brilliant Abbey Williams (MSW,LSW) about the importance of community, estrangement grief and breaking the cycle as a parent.
For more from Abbey, you can find her at:
Instagram: https://instagram.com/youthemother
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/youthemother
Her website for coaching & support: https://youthemother.com