"Goodbye, Perfect: How to Stop Pleasing, Proving, and Pushing for Others… and Live For Yourself" by Homaira Kabir
Feb 2, 2024
16:58
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In this podcast, Homera Kabir discusses the challenges of moving from functioning to flourishing and the importance of self-love and self-compassion. She explores the masks we wear to feel worthy of love and emphasizes the need for authenticity and interconnectedness.
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Quick takeaways
True flourishing involves finding joy, ease, and purpose, and growing into the best version of ourselves
Addressing our attachment styles and developing self-compassion can help create conditions for flourishing
Deep dives
The Difference between Functioning and Flourishing
According to author Homera Kabir, while most of us can function in our day-to-day lives, true flourishing goes beyond that. It involves finding joy, ease, and purpose, and growing into the best version of ourselves. Kabir shares her own experience of recovering from an eating disorder and feeling that something was missing. She also highlights that many of her coaching clients, who were high-functioning women, experienced stress, overwhelm, and burnout. Kabir explores the concept of positive psychology and how it can help us move from merely functioning to truly flourishing.
The Impact of Secure Attachment on Flourishing
Kabir emphasizes the importance of secure attachment in our early years of life. Our primary caregivers play a crucial role in providing us with a healthy sense of self-worth, which allows us to pursue heartfelt goals with resilience and grace. Insecure attachment, on the other hand, leads to anxiety, shame, and social comparison in the pursuit of external validation. Kabir points out that many of us do not grow up with secure attachment due to various factors, but addressing our attachment styles and developing self-compassion can help create conditions for flourishing.
Building Optimal Confidence through Authenticity
Kabir delves into the concept of confidence and distinguishes between optimal confidence and fragile self-esteem. Optimal confidence is rooted in authenticity and self-worth, while fragile confidence relies on external validation. She emphasizes that the relationship we have with ourselves reflects the relationship we had with our caregivers in our early years. Kabir shares personal experiences of finding inner strength and wisdom through self-compassion and non-judgment. She highlights the importance of embracing our inherent self-worth and authenticity as the foundation for flourishing.