The Daily Dad

Why This Is So Important

Feb 27, 2020

02:28

Snipd AI

The podcast discusses the impact parents have on their children, as exemplified by Bruce Springsteen's memoir. It highlights the importance of thoughtful decision-making and the potential consequences of emotional shutdown, overcommitment, and holding onto resentments.

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Quick takeaways

Parents' moods, choices, and examples significantly impact children's perception of themselves and the world.

Taking care of emotional well-being, being present, and treating children with fairness promote a healthy environment for children.

Deep dives

The Impact of Parental Mood and Choices on Children

The way parents handle their moods and choices has a significant impact on their children. Bruce Springsteen's memoir reveals how his father's distant and uncommunicative behavior affected him as a child. Children accept their parents' choices without question, viewing them as justified due to the godlike status of parenthood. Parents' moods, choices, and the examples they set shape how children perceive the world, themselves, and their worth. Emotionally shutting down, being absent, holding onto resentments, neglecting self-care, and treating children unfairly or with cruelty can have long-lasting consequences.

The Impact of a Parent's Actions on Their Children

2min

This is just my personality, we say. I just don’t have any energy when I get home from work, we complain. I’m in a bad mood today, that’s all. My parents weren’t any different, and I turned out ok. It’s just a stressful period right now. They’re young, they won’t remember any of this.

All lies. All excuses. All holding the potential to cause terrible pain

In his beautiful and vulnerable memoir, Bruce Springsteen talks—years later—about how his father’s mood and issues affected him. “As a boy I just figured it was the way men were, distant, uncommunicative, busy within the currents of the grown-up world,” he said. “As a child you don’t question your parents’ choices. You accept them. They are justified by the godlike status of parenthood. If you aren’t spoken to, you’re not worth the time. If you’re not greeted with love and affection, you haven’t earned it. If you’re ignored, you don’t exist.”

It breaks your heart. And each of us is doing some version of that to our own kids right now. Our moods and choices and the examples we set are affecting them always, changing how they see the world and how they see themselves. It’s making them feel better or worse, worthwhile or worthless, safe or vulnerable.

A little fellow follows you, remember that. The decision to shut down emotionally doesn’t just impact you. The decision to overcommit. The decision to be gone. The decision to hold onto resentments. The decision not to take care of yourself. The decision to hold them to unfair standards, to belittle or to be mean.

All of this matters. It matters more than anything.

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