How to Use Positive Discipline to Stop Power Struggles and Raise Empowered Capable Kids with Jane Nelsen
Mar 19, 2019
auto_awesome
Renowned parenting expert Dr. Jane Nelsen discusses positive discipline, empowering kids with self-discipline and responsibility. She shares strategies like family meetings, problem-solving skills, and positive timeouts. The podcast highlights the importance of understanding children's behavior, guiding them through mistakes, and fostering strong connections through nurturing and validation.
Encourage self-discipline through non-punitive approaches for cooperative and responsible children.
Prioritize connection and responsibility in parenting to strengthen bonds and promote positive behavior.
View mistakes as opportunities for growth, utilizing positive timeouts for self-regulation and accountability.
Deep dives
The Power of Positive Discipline
Positive discipline expert Jane Nelson shares valuable insights on effective parenting and teaching, emphasizing the importance of non-punitive and non-permissive approaches. By teaching children self-discipline, responsibility, and problem-solving skills, parents can raise kind and cooperative individuals. A key aspect highlighted is the concept of the 'mistaken goals chart,' which helps understand children's behaviors as attempts to seek belonging and significance. By using tools like family meetings, positive timeouts, and curiosity questions, parents can nurture self-regulation and cooperation in children.
Building Connection and Balance
Dr. Jane Nelson underscores the significance of fostering a balance between love and responsibility in parenting. By prioritizing connection through validation, special time, and problem-solving, parents can strengthen their bond with their children and promote positive behavior. Encouraging children to contribute responsibly to the family and society helps instill essential life skills and self-discipline for their future success.
Self-Discovery Through Mistakes
Acknowledging mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning forms the foundation of positive discipline. Dr. Nelson's approach encourages children to recognize their errors, make amends through sincere apologies, and engage in problem-solving to rectify the situation. By allowing children to experience disappointment and take ownership of their actions, parents can cultivate resilience and accountability in their children.
Positive Timeouts and Recovery
Positive timeouts are presented as a supportive tool for children to self-regulate and calm down after emotional outbursts or mistakes. These timeouts, known as 'cool down spaces,' allow children to personalize their calming environment and seek resolution independently. Dr. Nelson stresses the importance of post-timeout reflections, where children can express remorse, find solutions, and learn from their experiences, fostering self-awareness and accountability.
Continuity in Parenting Strategies
Dr. Jane Nelson emphasizes the long-term impact of parenting strategies on children's development and behavior. Encouraging parents to consistently model love, responsibility, and effective problem-solving skills, she highlights the gradual process of instilling self-discipline and cooperation in children. By maintaining a nurturing connection, fostering responsible contributions, and valuing mistakes as learning opportunities, parents can guide their children toward becoming responsible, resilient, and socially adept individuals.
Special guest: Dr. Jane Nelsen.
Children are always learning- and yes, they also make a lot of mistakes. Whether they are fighting with their siblings, tantruming about bedtime, missing the bus, forgetting their homework or talking back to you, it seems like there is a constant need for correction, apologies and do-overs. At the same time, there are all kinds of parents and teachers out there who witness such mistakes—from people who watch children act out or mess up and punish them or deliver punitive consequences immediately—to those who are incredibly permissive—who see children do something undesired and simply turn the other cheek and say; “kids will be kids.” Many parents and educators fall somewhere in between or vacillate between the two extremes of punitive and permissive.
Of course, most parents and teachers are just trying to figure out how to raise children who are kind, responsible, cooperative and self-disciplined. But what if I told you that there are many parenting and teaching skills that we can talk about right now that are non-punitive and not permissive—but would help children learn self-discipline, responsibility, and problem-solving skills—helping them to grow up into adults who can use these skills throughout their lives? Whether you are trying to get the kids to school on time, get everyone to agree on a movie for movie night or get from place to place without someone yelling or kicking or needling someone else in the car, we all deal with power struggles and frustration. Today, we’ve got positive discipline expert, Jane Nelsen on the show—and she’s going to help us learn how to be both kind and firm, connect with our children, give them a sense of belonging and significance—while helping them choose right from wrong.
Dr. Jane Nelsen is the mother of 7, grandmother of 22, and great grandmother of 13. She is also the author and co-author of many best-selling Positive Discipline books including Positive Discipline: The Classic Guide to Helping Children Develop Self-Discipline, Responsibility, Cooperation and Problem-Solving Skills and Positive Discipline Parenting Tools. An internationally known speaker and parenting expert, Jane is a California licensed marriage, family and child therapist, and received her doctorate in Educational Psychology from the University of San Francisco.