423: I Can’t Follow Beautiful

I Can’t Follow Beautiful

[00:00:00] Introduction and Hosts

[00:00:00] Brett: Hey, you listening to Overtired, I am Brett Terpstra. I am here with Jeff Severns Guntzel. Christina is on her usual, uh, tour of the world right now. I think she’s in Chicago this week?

[00:00:18] Jeff: Yeah, or Rome, or Latvia, or Upper Sandusky. Who’s to say?

[00:00:22] Brett: yeah, who knows. Um, That girl gets around.

[00:00:25] Brett’s Health Struggles

[00:00:25] Brett: So, um, I missed last week. I apologize. I will talk about why in the mental health corner. Um, but Jeff, how are you?

[00:00:37] Jeff: doing good. I like how you apologized. The guy’s been on death’s door. Not exactly. But like, sorry everybody, I was passing out and having really one of the worst times health wise of my life. I’m really sorry to all of you that

[00:00:49] Brett: Sorry for the inconvenience, everybody.

[00:00:52] Jeff: Christina and I, and it was really Christina at the top of the last episode, suggested people call you, uh, like, um, Message you with [00:01:00] unsolicited medical advice.

[00:01:00] Did you get any of that? I know you

[00:01:02] Brett: So much. Some of it, some of it ended up being really helpful and actually led to discovering what’s going on.

[00:01:10] Jeff: And that’s the problem with unsolicited medical advice that no one

[00:01:13] Brett: Sometimes.

[00:01:14] Jeff: is that there’s usually something hits.

[00:01:19] Brett: Um, I, I, yeah, yeah, let’s talk about it.

[00:01:24] Discovering Ehlers Danlos Syndrome

[00:01:24] Brett: So, um, I have realized, so I had these symptoms, um, new symptoms where I was dizzy all the time, still am, uh, like constant lightheadedness, and then I started just Passing out.

[00:01:40] Um, and it was always shortly after an orthostatic change, meaning sitting up or from like lying down or seated.

[00:01:49] Jeff: pause, orthostatic change. That’s new for me. Listeners. Is that new for you?

[00:01:55] Brett: Yeah. Uh, friend of the show, Harold Kockelmeyer, I [00:02:00] think that’s how you say his last name, um, said he was very disappointed when he learned that orthostatic meant, uh, position changes and not a skeleton that couldn’t move. Um, because he’s very, yeah, he’s, he’s very much a linguist and, and immediately wanted to dissect the term.

[00:02:19] Um, we, we love you, I love you. I don’t know about everybody

[00:02:23] Jeff: I would probably like you, you’ve got a great name. Both of them. And together especially.

[00:02:28] Brett: we might have some mixed feelings. I don’t know. I love him. I love him. He’s a great guy. Um, so anyways, uh, like I, I suddenly started fading. I’ve been to the emergency room three times in the last couple of weeks. Um, one time minor concussion, two times, just like, Hey, what the fuck’s going on? Um, and no results.

[00:02:50] All my tests came back negative. Uh, my heart came back negative. My blood pressure came back. Positive, like, uh, like, fine, [00:03:00] everything, all my blood tests were within range, no explanations offered.

[00:03:05] Navigating the Medical System

[00:03:05] Brett: Um, I had an echocardiogram because my doctor was convinced it must be my heart, although my doctor was convinced it must be my psychiatric meds, and he kept telling me, I can’t help you, go talk to your psychiatrist.

[00:03:18] Jeff: your carpenter was convinced it must be wood rot.

[00:03:22] Brett: Well, and my psychiatrist was like, this is none of the meds you’re taking on, you’re taking, explain what is happening to you. So I kept going back and forth and eventually, um, I learned from all of this unsolicited advice about Ehlers Danlos syndrome. And, um, it actually came to kind of a, uh, a breaking point when I was talking to a therapist and they were like, Can you touch your thumb to your wrist? [00:04:00] Can you do this? We’re doing this on video. Um, um, and I was like, sure, no problem. And, and they were like, yeah, normal people can’t do that. That’s called hypermobility. Um, it’s a sign of a connective tissue disorder, such as Ehlers Danlos. Um, which is often comorbid with something called POTS, which I can’t remember what it stands for, but it’s what makes you pass out when you stand up.

[00:04:25] Um, and, um, All of these things individually, the symptoms are somewhat manageable, like POTS, like the solution is to drink way more water than your average human, increase your sodium intake, and wear compression socks. And with all that, sure, you’ll pass out once in a while, but maybe less. Um, the lightheadedness, I think, can be managed with medication.

[00:04:53] But all of this Like, all the symptoms fit, and the interesting thing about it is, I’ve had some symptoms [00:05:00] for 20 years, such as GI issues and sleep disorders, um, and all of these can also fit into the EDS slash, um, uh, dysautonomic disorders in general. Um, so I finally have one thing that connects like everything that’s always been wrong with me.

[00:05:23] Um, and, and a reason for everything. However, I can’t get a diagnosis until I get genetic testing. And my primary care physician is like, eh, let’s do an MRI first and see after like putting me through all the heart stuff. Now he’s like, let’s make sure it’s not neurological. And I’m like, just give me a referral to Mayo for genetic testing.

[00:05:47] Cause I’m pretty sure I’ve got this licked at this point, like solved. And he is just ignoring everything I’m saying. So I’m switching primary care to. Gunderson [00:06:00] in the hopes that they’ll get me into Mayo

[00:06:02] Jeff: Everybody in Minnesota just went, Gunderson, of course.

[00:06:09] Brett: Well, I mean, my goal is Mayo. Uh,

[00:06:11] Jeff: every fifth person you meet here, if they’re white, every fifth white person you meet is a Gunderson.

[00:06:16] Brett: yeah.

[00:06:17] Jeff: that’s more what I’m saying.

[00:06:18] Brett: Yeah, well, Gunderson has a clinic in Winona, so it’s super convenient for me. Um, their doctors are here less frequently than if I were in, say, La Crosse, Wisconsin. Um, but I can get some care that way without having to drive 45 minutes every time. Mayo, which is, uh, for anyone unfamiliar, a premier medical institution in the United States.

[00:06:44] Jeff: sure we have a few Saudi princes in our listenership, and they already know about Mayo, because that city is partly funded by Saudi princes. Anyway,

[00:06:53] Brett: Well, it’s where they go for their, for their surgeries and

[00:06:56] Jeff: I know.

[00:06:58] Brett: yeah, it is, it is top [00:07:00] notch and it’s only 45 minutes away from me. Um, so if I can get in there, I can get the, the best genetic testing available in the country, um, and the best, uh, geneticists to interpret the results. Um, Interestingly, and we’ll get off this topic eventually, but I have a lot to say, I’ve discovered a lot, um, uh, a friend, I, I don’t know how public they want to be, so we’ll just say a friend of mine who is, um, a very Good Mac developer has a partner who, uh, referred to themselves as an FOAF, um, friend of a friend, um, and, and he had to, he had to message me privately to go, this FOAF is actually my partner, but, um, They went through a similar path, but they were so, [00:08:00] um, motivated that when they did their genetic testing, they went and got a certificate from Harvard in genetics

[00:08:09] Jeff: Oh,

[00:08:10] Brett: their own results.

[00:08:12] Um, and have you?

[00:08:15] Jeff: No.

[00:08:15] Brett: Oh,

[00:08:17] Jeff: I have so many doctorates, like, when I had diarrhea once, PhD topic.

[00:08:25] Brett: yeah, but anyway, like she went whole hog and like, and really like self advocated to an amazing extent. And she is offering her expertise to me as I, as I navigate this, but this is a permanent condition that I apparently have had my whole life. Some symptoms are new, but, um, I am going to be. It’s a bummer, like, I think my whole life I’ve always had this vision of like, someday I’ll be in shape, someday I’ll be like an [00:09:00] active, healthy person, someday, like, I just gotta do things right.

[00:09:04] If I just do it better, I’ll be a better person. And now I have to come to the conclusion that I will never be that. whole active healthy person that I always just imagined someday I would get to. I’m 46 now, like that dream was slipping to begin with, but now, now I’m officially disabled. Now I can officially get disability from the US government for however long, for however long that government lasts.

[00:09:33] Um, but, uh, Like, if I get this diagnosis, I’m, I am disabled. And that is a, that is a hard term to come to terms with for me. Um, I don’t like being helpless. I don’t like being, um, dependent on other people. But for the last couple of weeks, I’ve been extremely dependent on Elle. Um, like this is one of the few times I’ve been down to my [00:10:00] office just because I’ve been so dizzy.

[00:10:01] It’s been scary to take the stairs. Um, and yeah, so. On the plus side, getting a diagnosis means I can get better care. Um, and I have, and I have a name to put to everything that’s wrong with me. Uh, which would be a relief in some senses. But also, I gotta, I gotta admit, um, I’m kind of broken.

[00:10:26] Jeff: Broken over this, or you’re, you’re calling this disability broken?

[00:10:31] Brett: I’m calling myself as a human being, a broken human being. Um,

[00:10:36] Jeff: say more about what that, what you mean

[00:10:38] Brett: it’s, it’s a very ableist way to look at, um, feeling, uh, disabled. Um, it’s, uh, like, I have a bunch of kind of ableist preconceptions about the way I should be, uh, the way a human should be to be, like, [00:11:00] correct. And it is, it’s not, I’m not proud to be an ableist at all, um, and I’ve worked hard to kind of curb, um, curb that through education, um, and understanding of my disabled friends and, and the disabled people I meet.

[00:11:17] Um, I just never considered myself one of. Um, I had this very much like, well, it’s great to be supportive of the disabled and like I go out of my way to make like my websites and my products like accessible to disabled people. Um, and like, it’s always been important to me. I just, I don’t know, it’s, it’s hard for me to accept that, that I have a disability and it’s not even a huge one.

[00:11:48] It’s not like I lost my sight or I’m, I’m losing my sense of. Touch. Um,

[00:11:55] Jeff: How so?

[00:11:56] Brett: like for the last 10 years, I haven’t been able to feel [00:12:00] anything in my, in the tips of my thumb and first few fingers. Um, like I had to pretty much give up playing guitar because I can’t feel a pick in my hand. Um, and typing, like I have to, I have to use mechanical keyboards now because I can only feel the touch.

[00:12:18] Edges of the keys with the pads of my fingers, um, and typing on a low profile keyboard with the pads of your fingers is really messy, uh, so a mechanical gives me a little more, uh, leeway for mistypes, uh, when I can’t feel the, the home row, um, and that seems to be you. That is a symptom and it seems to be spreading, um, and I don’t know how long I’ll be able to easily pick things up or tie my shoes, um, I, I don’t, I, I can’t predict the future, I don’t know where that goes, but I didn’t, I didn’t lose my sight, I didn’t lose my [00:13:00] hearing, I didn’t lose a limb, um, like I’m not disabled in the common, um, easily perceived ways, I’m disabled in like an invisible way.

[00:13:12] Like I might look like a healthy, normal human being, but my skin’s on fire all the time. This is a weird thing I’ve realized. Like there’s this feeling that I, I have of like, I call it skin crawliness and it’s this kind of light burning on my skin and I have always associated it with withdrawal and anytime it gets.

[00:13:39] Anytime it gets strong, I’m like, Oh, I need more of whatever, you know, heroin or alcohol or coffee or whatever, nicotine, whatever I feel might be lacking. Or I think maybe I missed my medication and, um, I have always associated with that. And to be fair, like, uh, especially opiates [00:14:00] do Settle it down. So it seems like, oh yeah, that was withdrawal and what I did work.

[00:14:06] But what I’m realizing now is I pretty much always feel like that. Like I feel like that right now. Um, and it is, it’s a pain that I have lived with for at least 30 years and I just never recognized it as any kind of. Um, actual pain. I always thought it was my fault, like, for being addicted to this or that.

[00:14:31] And this is just the price I pay. Um, but it’s not. It’s actually like a constant pain that most of the time I can just ignore. Um, It, I forget where I was going with this particular thread, but, um, but I, it is, I am, oh, it’s an invisible, it’s an invisible disability. Like you can’t see that I’m, that my fucking skin hurts, that, that my bone [00:15:00] hurts, that I always have a headache.

[00:15:02] Um, like you can’t see that about me. Um, and like I have spent years not admitting I was in pain.

[00:15:10] Jeff: Mm hmm.

[00:15:11] Brett: And so this is all, I don’t know, man, it’s a different world all of a sudden.

[00:15:17] Jeff: Yeah, everything changes when you can name a thing too, right? Like it’s, and sometimes that’s a good change, sometimes it’s not. It sounds like for you it’s a mixed change, right? It’s like, well, on the one hand, I have a name for this thing. On the other hand, I have this thing now and I can know more about it because it has a name and I don’t love what I’m learning about it.

[00:15:39] Brett: maybe I can get better treatment instead of going to doctors and telling them something is wrong and having them say, no, it’s not.

[00:15:44] Jeff: I had, I went, I have this funny, so I also, I mean, we’ve talked about this. I, I’ve dealt with just fucking exhausting chronic pain since I was young. And, And, uh, but I also have all these weird little tweaks. So I have this weird thing, I’m [00:16:00] getting this, I promise I’m going to connect this, where both of my calf muscles, if I’m just laying down, or if I am sitting down and I kick my ankle up on my other knee, and I can see my calf, my calf muscles are always twitching, but it’s not just twitching.

[00:16:11] It looks like there’s a, there’s a Facehugger in there that’s about to come out. Like, it looks like when, when, when my, when my wife had, had babies in her stomach and they would kind of move across. That’s what it looks like. I’ve confirmed with lots of people that it’s super freaky. I’ve asked many doctors.

[00:16:28] They, they just don’t even try. They don’t get curious. But I asked a neurologist recently, this is what she said. Some people are just twitchy. And I was like, you know what? That’s actually the best response I’ve gotten for this, because I am fucking twitchy.

[00:16:42] Brett: Well, you just said, like, they don’t get curious. And that’s been driving me nuts because I’ve seen between the ER and, and, Specialists, I’ve seen no fewer than 12 doctors in the last month, and like, none of them seem curious, and I keep [00:17:00] saying, like, this has all gotta be connected, like, there’s gotta be something, and not one of them has been like, oh yeah, we should do some genetic testing, we should see if there’s a syndrome that explains all of this, not, like, it was right there.

[00:17:14] We, Elle and I founded it on the internet. You know, without that much trouble. And it just like the medical community just doesn’t seem all that curious.

[00:17:27] Jeff: I have a good friend whose kid was exhibiting just really, like, sudden and very unusual behaviors, and they were actually kind of scaring them as a young kid. And, um, Brought him to doctors, didn’t know, didn’t know. Then finally like, they had delayed for a long time googling anything, and then they’re like, fuck it, I’m, I can’t sleep, I’m worried, I can’t, I gotta figure it out.

[00:17:44] And they found this very, very bizarre potential explanation for what was wrong. They brought that to their doctor who, who fortunately was willing to kind of take that in and think about it. And, uh, And it was this completely bizarre, super rare thing. And I, I speak as a, as a guy who’s the [00:18:00] father of a kid with ms.

[00:18:01] And, and boy, the odds of having pediatric diagnosis of MS are, I mean, they change the way I think of odds forever, right? But like with doctors, I. I always just assumed, I think, growing up, that curiosity is what leads one to be a doctor. And I know there’s all kinds of reasons. I know that there’s cultural pressures.

[00:18:20] I know there’s like family pressures. I know there’s like a need to, to seem of a certain kind of value that that that lends you. But But like, it has not been my experience with people who are doctors that they come in first and foremost curious, and it doesn’t even feel like they lost it. You know what I mean?

[00:18:37] Like a, like somebody who comes into a profession like teaching and they’ve got this great attitude and all this stuff, but then they just get destroyed by it because it’s a very hard thing. With doctors sometimes I’m just like, were you ever curious? Cause you are literally, the area of things that you know about is the stuff that I hang the biggest question marks on.

[00:18:55] I just don’t want to go to medical school, but like, I am amazed. [00:19:00] And I’m sorry if there are doctors out there that are like, you’re full of shit. I’m definitely not like, I definitely, I mean, I think if there’s one thing I have a radar for, it’s people who are incurious.

[00:19:09] Brett: sure.

[00:19:09] Jeff: Because those are the people I can’t spend five minutes around.

[00:19:13] Um, and, uh, so anyway, I’m sorry that you’re going through that. This is actually a long way of me saying I’m really sorry that you’re going through that in such a high stakes moment where you have questions that are, that are scary. The answers, not having the answer is scary. Wondering that there might be an answer is scary, right?

[00:19:30] Like, it’s just fucking scary.

[00:19:33] Brett: Yeah. I did. I did want to say I had one doctor in. ER. Um, he, the doctor that was there when I got to ER, his shift ended and this other doctor came in and the nurse was like, Oh, you’re going to love him. He’s, he’s just, he’s super charismatic. Yeah. And, and the guy came in, Asian guy, big smile, um, started looking at my test results and I kept going, [00:20:00] wow.

[00:20:00] Oh, wow. And then he started ordering like bizarre tests because he really, he was curious. He’s like, what does this mean? And honestly, like, if I could have him as my primary care physician, I might be closer to getting what I want out of the medical system. Anyway, yeah.

[00:20:21] Jeff: Yeah. That’s, that’s really amazing. That’s what I want. And I realize that’s a lot to ask of a person, but I feel like doctors, I’m realizing right now a little bit how I feel about like cops and soldiers, which is like, you come at me and say, I am this way because look at what I have to deal with every day.

[00:20:35] And I go, you fucking signed up for this. Like you can get out anytime. And I know that might mean you lose income might mean you’re in a really confused place, but like, that’s better than fucking people up. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I don’t know. I don’t mean to take such an incredibly hard line, but like, I just don’t have patience for that, where it’s like, yeah, but you don’t understand what it’s like.

[00:20:54] It’s like, okay, cool. You signed up for it. Like, I’ve quit a lot of jobs. [00:21:00] I’ve even quit professions. Anyway.

[00:21:04] Mental Health Corner

[00:21:04] Brett: So, how’s your mental health, Jeff?

[00:21:06] Jeff: Oh, man, I’m, I, uh,

[00:21:08] Brett: I guess this is a health slash mental health corner.

[00:21:11] Jeff: yeah, I’m, I’m good. Um, my, my My son, who’s at college, is, I’m picking him up at the airport in a little bit, um, coming home for Thanksgiving break, and that is just going to be fantastic and amazing. Um, and, uh, And I continue to, I’ve talked about this in a couple episodes, but, you know, I’ve been digging out from a really unbelievable and singular in my life Manic episode in October of 2021, where I acquired a lot, and I’ve been digging out from that for a long time.

[00:21:43] And I, I have hit more milestones in that in the last two weeks. Um, then certainly at any point and, and even like, maybe don’t even put it that way, but like I have unstuck things that were starting to feel permanently stuck and [00:22:00] were causing me a great deal of pain and despair. Um, because I felt like, why, cause like this acquisition, which I cannot understate.

[00:22:10] overstate how much I acquired in the land of old tools in this one month. Um, what is so hard about it is I haven’t acquired anything since that episode. So I am still dealing with when I have the ability, it’s not that I don’t have the time, I’ve had the time to dig out of it, but I have a full time job.

[00:22:31] I’m a parent. It’s mostly out in the garage. It was in my sort of driveway, which is sort of an enclosed area because I’m in the city. It’s in the back and whatever. Um, but like, uh, yeah, so I’m like, I’m, yeah, I have, I’ve had all the time in the world, but when something like that, happens, or at least when it happened to me, it, it broke me, um, to use your word, uh, it changed my sense of self.

[00:22:55] It changed my identity. Um, it made me not trust myself and I’ve [00:23:00] always trusted myself, um, in like really important ways. I mean, part of it was just like, I grew up, you know, like pretty much hanging on my own and figuring things out for myself. And so, and I had to trust myself. And so I, I just do. And that kind of broke that.

[00:23:12] And it also broke like my sense of how I’m being received by other people. Cause when you’re, when you’re as manic as I was, You kind of know, but you don’t know. And until someone tells you, this is really fucking hard for me, or you seem really not okay. And that’s a big surprise. It was in that moment.

[00:23:30] And I haven’t had an episode like that since and never had had one before. Um, but I, but what, what had been so hard all these years is, um, so I have like, okay, I live in the city. Um, I have a driveway in the alley, but I actually have an unusual kind of like, compound. I initially named it after Osama Bin Laden’s compound, but my, my family before I didn’t, um, but I thought it’s the only compound I know a name of.

[00:23:57] Um, but anyway, uh, I [00:24:00] have this really interesting situation where it’s like, it’s a two car garage attached to what had been a single family home, like just 12 by 24 feet, very small. And, um, And I had pretty much like filled that up, but also overflowed into my driveway. So there was just always for years, these last years, there’s been stuff covered in tarps and all this stuff.

[00:24:21] And what sucked about it so much was that it was so visible to any of my neighbors driving through the alley. So like my, Illness was so visualized in ways that I was almost helpless to reduce in any meaningful way. It was just always a little bit there. And I, at some point I was like, you know, what sucks about this is that most mostly other ways that I might be Not well, or, you know, broken permanently or temporarily.

[00:24:50] It’s not on display and there’s not a data visualization for it. And, and with this, you know, neighbors would come over, what’s going on over here? They’d seen in my [00:25:00] garage and I’d like quick want to close it or whatever. It’s the worst feeling, worst feeling. And, and so, um. Yeah, that was what was unusual about that particular I’ve had different diagnoses over my life, but those are all things that exist inside me, inside my closest relationships, are usually not terribly, uh, you know, outwardly presented, right?

[00:25:19] But this was a thing where, like, I had, I felt like I had no control to fully control it even over, like, two years or three years. And so I didn’t have a way to, you For people to know I’m okay now. Um, and that, that was something I badly wanted. Like I, especially just, I like my neighbors and, and so, and I know what it would look like to me if I was on the outside.

[00:25:43] I’d feel a little bad for that guy, you know, like that guy kind of seems like he’s kind of messed up. And sometimes your neighbors don’t know you, but from the alley, right? Like, so yeah, like we’re, we’re, we’re like, we get along, we talk a lot, but like, David. Never been in my house, you know what I mean? So it’s like, they don’t know that in my house, it’s a nice, clean, warm [00:26:00] place.

[00:26:00] And that, you know, I have an easy demeanor, and I’m not just like causing chaos, whatever. So anyway, um, I hit a milestone, which is maybe only understandable to me, which is that, um, Winter’s coming, as they say, um, in TV. And, uh, and as we know as Minnesotans and others, maybe in, in cold climates, like when winter’s coming, you have prep to do.

[00:26:24] If you have a house, you got to get the yard ready. You got to get those leaves out of the way. You got to move shit that you don’t want to be frozen to the ground for the entire season. And for the first time in four years, I did my prep and, and there’s nothing under tarps in my driveway. There’s nothing.

[00:26:39] It just looks like a. Wonderful home. And with a garden and a

[00:26:44] Brett: That is a milestone.

[00:26:45] Jeff: it’s a huge milestone. And I hit it, I only realized it because it was, it was rain, and it was gonna rain and hadn’t rained in forever. And usually when it rains, I’m like, Oh, shit, it’s raining. I’m very attuned to the weather, because I need to go out and cover shit up or whatever, you know, so it doesn’t get wet.[00:27:00]

[00:27:00] And I started to rain. I’m like, I could do rain prep. And I walked outside and I’m like, I don’t have any rain prep to do. And that was such an incredible moment for me. Um, so, in that sense, mental health is, is, uh, that’s a good, that’s a stop on my mental health

[00:27:16] Brett: Yeah, that’s awesome.

[00:27:18] Jeff: it’s,

[00:27:19] Brett: I do want to push back on the leaves thing.

[00:27:22] Jeff: oh yeah, no, I don’t mean to say you have to clean your leaves up, because you should leave some of them for bug

[00:27:27] Brett: Yeah, exactly.

[00:27:28] Jeff: Yeah, I knew that’s where you were going.

[00:27:30] Brett: it’s really good for, for non mosquito type bugs

[00:27:34] Jeff: Again, I have what is essentially a four car parking lot behind my house, it’s the nobody who lives in a city can imagine this is possible, but like, that’s what was covered in leaves, I leave the

[00:27:44] Brett: Okay. Yeah. Yeah. The yard

[00:27:46] Jeff: that only I only learned that a couple years lay it out, Brett, lay for those of, you know, those of us out there that are dying to know.

[00:27:54] I

[00:27:54] Brett: Oh, I actually don’t know that many details. I just know that things like the decline in lightning bug [00:28:00] populations are largely due to people’s lawn maintenance routines. Um, I personally would love a lawn I didn’t even have to cut, but we leave our leaves Out, um, and let them decompose because it’s supposed to be good for pollinators and for lightning bugs and their ilk.

[00:28:21] Um, and we grow a lot of, uh, pollinator friendly, like our, most of our lawn is covered in Creeping Charlie. Do you know what that is?

[00:28:30] Jeff: love it because I don’t give a shit about having a nice yard, but I do like it to be green. And Creeping Charlie just makes it that everyone’s trying to get rid of it. I’m like, that’s my green. I don’t have to mow the lawn.

[00:28:39] Brett: want, I want the whole lawn to be Creeping Charlie, um, like, I, I like the idea of like a wildflower lawn, but even that takes more work than I want to put in. Creeping Charlie is hardy, it doesn’t grow vertically, it grows horizontally, and it may, it’s great for pollinators, it’s great for insect life, uh, the deer love it, [00:29:00] um,

[00:29:01] Jeff: Yeah.

[00:29:02] Brett: the deer love it almost as much as they love our hostas, um, but yeah, it’s, I, I, I don’t think, the idea of the manicured American lawn raked of all leaves and trimmed down to, you know, an inch and a half, uh, like, and constantly clippings disposed of, like, that’s just not the way that nature wants to be.

[00:29:29] And we’ve already built enough concrete, you know, we’ve taken enough nature away, why take the lawns away too?

[00:29:37] Jeff: I see you, Jonny Mitchell. Yeah, I agree. And yeah, so in our neighborhood, it’s just, over the last few years, it’s become just kind of a known thing that there’s a certain date after which you rake your leaves up after snow melts, but you leave them. Leave them. You leaf them for a certain period of time because of just all of the sort of the ecosystem that exists under there is not ready to be exposed to the [00:30:00] elements.

[00:30:00] Brett: Yeah, that’s awesome.

[00:30:02] Jeff: Yeah.

[00:30:03] Sponsor: 1Password

[00:30:03] Brett: Um, all right, should we take a quick sponsor break?

[00:30:06] Jeff: Let’s do it.

[00:30:07] Brett: All right. This week’s sponsor is 1Password. Imagine your company’s security like the quad of a college campus. There are nice brick paths between the buildings. Those are the company owned devices, IT approved apps, and managed employee identities.

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[00:30:45] 1Password Extended Access Management is the first security solution that brings all of these unmanaged devices, apps, and identities under your control. It ensures that every user credential is strong and protected, every device is [00:31:00] known and healthy, and every app is visible. 1Password Extended Access Management solves problems that traditional IAM and MDM can’t.

[00:31:09] It’s security for the way we work today, and it’s now generally available to companies with Okta and Microsoft Entra. And in beta for Google Workspace customers. Check it out at 1password. com slash overtired. That’s one, the number one password. com slash overtired. Uh, and thanks again to 1password for keeping us on the air.

[00:31:34] Jeff: Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn’t be on the air. I wouldn’t even show up to this fucking shit show.

[00:31:44] Brett: Well,

[00:31:45] Jeff: the sponsors that keep me here.

[00:31:47] Brett: be fair on weeks, we don’t have sponsors. We do take time off.

[00:31:51] Jeff: Mostly. Yeah, that’s true. That’s true. And to be fair, that’s not because we’re spending all the money we made on the sponsor episodes.

[00:31:59] Brett: Check [00:32:00] it out.

[00:32:00] Upcoming Guest and Book Discussion

[00:32:00] Brett: So, every once in a while we have guests, and you have an exciting guest coming up for us. Um, I got a galley copy of a new book today, uh, that is this author’s first foray into cyberpunk,

[00:32:16] Jeff: Hmm.

[00:32:17] Brett: and it’s like a queer cyberpunk murder mystery set in the future, um, and it’s got like a dry set

[00:32:26] Jeff: set in like 1867.

[00:32:28] Brett: a steampunk, it’s not a steampunk mystery,

[00:32:30] Jeff: I know, I just assumed it was the future is my

[00:32:33] Brett: I know, it was a bit redundant, um, I uh, but like as soon as I started reading it, I contacted the publicist and I was like, hey, I have this shitty little show where we swear a lot and we don’t make family friendly episodes and we have a pretty Niche audience, but would this author have any interest in joining us for a conversation?

[00:32:57] Um, and I was like, queer, tech, sci [00:33:00] fi, like, it’s, it’s our, it’s our wheelhouse. So, I haven’t heard back yet, but if, if you’re cool with it, I, I would love it. I would, this Corey, Corey something, um, I, well, I’ll do a much better job of promoting it, um, if, if we score the

[00:33:18] Jeff: We’re really happy to have a special guest today. Is Corey something? Say hello.

[00:33:22] Brett: but yeah, like, I’m, I’m a chapter in on the book and it’s, it’s well written. I’m excited to find some new cyberpunk in my life, so,

[00:33:31] Jeff: Awesome. That’s

[00:33:32] The Weighted Hug and Moonboy

[00:33:32] Brett: um, I also got to tell you about the Weighted Hug. I have a,

[00:33:36] Jeff: Sounds good.

[00:33:37] Brett: I have a

[00:33:38] Jeff: like a fucking terrible band.

[00:33:40] Brett: I have a friend who goes by, I have a friend who goes by the name Moonboy, um, around town, he’s known as Moonboy,

[00:33:48] Jeff: Moonboy in a terrible band? Sorry, Moonboy. I’m

[00:33:51] Brett: he is, he is not, yeah, he runs like, or he’s, he’s phasing his involvement out, but for a long time he ran, uh, the Queer Dance [00:34:00] Night at a local bar, um, and he grew up in the same kind of, Uh, repressive religious environment I did and came out just an amazingly, uh, healthy, queer, uh, human being who is infinitely kind and empathetic and understanding and I, he’s just an amazing human being.

[00:34:26] Um.

[00:34:27] Jeff: time and takes a joke about bad bands.

[00:34:34] Fashion Designer’s Unique Project: The Weighted Hug

[00:34:34] Brett: but he is also a fashion designer and, um, sews his own clothes and like just fantastic stuff. And he, for years now, has been working on this project called the Weighted Hug. And it’s basically like a flak jacket, um, filled with, you know, Weights. I don’t know exactly what he weights it with, but it’s like a [00:35:00] padded vest that weighs maybe 70 pounds.

[00:35:05] Jeff: Did you get one?

[00:35:06] Experiencing the Weighted Hug

[00:35:06] Brett: Yeah, I did. Um, I went to his, I went to his like, um, his launch party and it was

[00:35:13] Jeff: is someone in Winona.

[00:35:15] Brett: yeah, it was a nice little gathering. Um, maybe 50 people, uh, invite only. Um, and he did like a fashion show. He had like a sweep with lights and he had mannequins and he got up and gave a great speech. And. It is a really fun little city.

[00:35:33] Um, uh, he had multiple iterations of the vest there for people to try on. Um, and I was skeptical cause like, it sounds like, you know, the kind of thing that might be of use to autistic people, like a real Temple Grand kind of invention. And, and I was like, I’ll give it a shot. And so I’m at this noisy party, um, and I deal okay with noise stimulation [00:36:00] for a limited time.

[00:36:01] Uh, but it was definitely getting,

[00:36:03] Jeff: are the problem. Heh heh heh.

[00:36:05] Brett: it was definitely getting, uh, to a point where my nerves were frying. And I put this vest on and just like immediately my breathing slowed down the noise of the room. It didn’t go away, but it suddenly became like, um, Manageable, uh, for my brain. And I was like, holy shit, I’m getting one of these.

[00:36:26] Um, they are 300. They are handmade. It’s not cheap, but honestly, when you see the construction of this thing, it it’s built to last 20 years.

[00:36:37] Promoting the Weighted Hug

[00:36:37] Brett: Um, so I just wanted to put a bit of a promo out there for Moonboy. Um, the website is, let me double check this to make sure I don’t give a bad address on live. Oh, we’re not live.

[00:36:52] Um,

[00:36:54] Jeff: heh heh. Surprise!

[00:36:57] Brett: yeah, it’s weightedhug. com. [00:37:00] Um, and you can order straight from there. He ships worldwide. Um, yeah. If you live in Southeast Minnesota, he will hand deliver it to you. He showed up at my house with mine. But for anyone outside, uh, yeah, there’s, it’s not a cheap thing to ship. I imagine. I have no idea what shipping costs.

[00:37:22] outside of Southeast Minnesota, but I’m totally worth it. If you’re the kind of person who, who responds well to, you know, hugs or weights on your chest or a feeling of being like a weighted blanket, for example, but you want to wear your weighted blanket around the house. Um, this is it’s really good.

[00:37:43] Really

[00:37:44] Jeff: things. Three things. One, Weighted Hug is a great product name, I stand by it, it’s a terrible band name. Uh, Moonboy, great band name. And then I wanted to ask you, when I imagine putting this on, I imagine neck and shoulder strain. Mm [00:38:00] hmm.

[00:38:01] Brett: Um, so I haven’t experienced that. I imagine. Yes. Um, and it is actually really nice to wear like slouching on the couch

[00:38:09] Jeff: I was gonna say, maybe it’s not meant necessarily I mean, I assume, like, when you’re you’re right, I was picturing myself at a party, like you described it, being like, but if I’m sittin down, that’s easy. That’s

[00:38:19] Brett: no, it, it is, it, it is, it’s a vest and it puts weight on your shoulders. Um, I have, I am very susceptible to neck strain. And I’ve been wearing it for the last couple of days and have not had any aches or pains because of it. Um, that is a very fair question

[00:38:41] Jeff: It’s also not a terrible time to have a flak jacket.

[00:38:47] Brett: which leads to my grAPPtitude pics, but we’ll hold on to that.

[00:38:50] Discussion on Wisconsin and Politics

[00:38:50] Jeff: Whenever we’re driving to Indiana with my family and we you’re gonna hate this, anybody who lives in Wisconsin. I actually find Wisconsin a delightful place that is also very beautiful in parts, but [00:39:00] it is It is Wisconsin. And so whenever we cross the border, I say, all right, everybody, Wisconsin, safety’s off.

[00:39:09] And now I think I’m just going to say that, you know,

[00:39:11] Brett: here’s the thing about Wisconsin is yes, it is, it is gorgeous.

[00:39:17] Jeff: It is, it’s gorgeous. You can see why the Germans settled there, too, because it looks like Germany. It’s

[00:39:22] Brett: It is just as beautiful as Minnesota, which is a hard thing for Minnesotans to admit because we’re very proud of our natural beauty. Um,

[00:39:31] Jeff: admitting it.

[00:39:34] Brett: Wisconsin is gorgeous and politically, they are one of the most gerrymandered states. Um,

[00:39:42] Jeff: got your Madison.

[00:39:44] Brett: Sure, but like the entire state is technically purple. And if every vote were counted in their, uh, state elections, there would be a greater representation of, of the Democratic Party, [00:40:00] um, and even progressive values in Wisconsin.

[00:40:03] Wisconsin is not the scary red state that. It appears to be like some of the, some of the best, most liberal, most progressive, most leftist people I know are from Wisconsin. Like it’s, it’s not that scary a state. Um, sure.

[00:40:23] Jeff: on what highway you’re on. I’ve definitely, I’ve spent a lot of time in Wisconsin, and this is true of Minnesota, too, I know, but there are points, but the thing that makes it scarier is the addition of of stores that are wholly dedicated to cheese and fudge. I feel like that’s the that’s the element of the unknown that just pushes me into a space of like, I don’t know if I’m safe.

[00:40:45] We’ve got all this. They got like a full, full giant Trump sculpture. We’ve got Shit that’s still, um, you still got the fuck Biden stuff well into the Harris campaign, and we got cheese and fudge chops, and gun [00:41:00] shops. Now, I’m going shooting tomorrow, so I’m not just saying, like, you know, guns are definitely bad, and don’t write me.

[00:41:06] I’m going skeet shooting, everybody. Settle down. Uh, they aren’t real pigeons. Anyway, that’s enough about me.

[00:41:15] Guns and Personal Safety

[00:41:15] Brett: I, I have several friends who are, who consider themselves liberal gun owners. Um, and that is. It’s fine with me. Um, I don’t generally have an inclination to own a gun. I do, like, I enjoy skeet shooting. It’s fun. Um, not

[00:41:37] Jeff: until a certain point and then it just feels violent and scary. Seriously, I can I can do it for about an hour and then I’m like, I kind of need to stop.

[00:41:45] Brett: Yeah.

[00:41:46] Jeff: And I love it for that hour.

[00:41:48] Brett: I don’t, I don’t want a gun in my house, given our like terrible slide into fascism very quickly.

[00:41:57] Well, not quickly. That’s stupid to say. [00:42:00] But like,

[00:42:01] Jeff: slide ever. We’ve been on it for

[00:42:02] Brett: Slow, slow, and with our eyes closed, we have slid right into fascism, and, like, with the way the cabinet is shaping up, and, like, the steps being taken to ensure, uh, unilateral authoritarian rule, um, things like the, uh, The terrorist, um, uh, bill that they’re trying to pass so they can label any organiz any non profit they don’t agree with, they can label them as terrorist supporting and take away their non profit status, um, and the ability to put journalists, uh, in under unnecessary investigations and shit like that does not lead me to feel safe, um, as, You know, an anarchist leaning leftist.

[00:42:53] Um, and I kinda, I could see, I could see having some protection, I guess.

[00:42:58] Jeff: A couple things. I don’t think you [00:43:00] slipped into fascism with your eyes closed. I don’t think any Minnesotan slips, slides with their eyes closed.

[00:43:05] Brett: I mean, the country

[00:43:06] Jeff: Yeah, I got it. Uh, yeah, no, I can’t own a gun. I can’t, I, the idea of having one in my home or even in my garage or whatever it would be, sickens me.

[00:43:16] And I have come mostly through a son who really became interested in sort of historical Weapons, and is super demonstrably anti war and anti fascist, so I want to be really clear about that. Not that I have to make that explanation, because you can like guns and that’s just your deal. Um, but, uh, because of him, because my policy with my kids has always been, if you show a intensely strong interest in something, let’s go see about it.

[00:43:42] You know, and so it started, you know, we’ve only been shooting three times in five years, but it started, we were in Wyoming. I mean, when in Wyoming, and, and we decided we were going to go try some historic guns. So I asked the guy at the gun range. I’d never been to one. I was wearing a, I was wearing a shirt with a roaring Care Bear and a [00:44:00] rainbow on it and camo pants, not intentionally, this is what I was wearing.

[00:44:04] And I said, I want to shoot the rifle that my that my grand, great, great, great, great grandfather would have shot in the Civil War. And then I paused and I said, on the Union side, just because I realized where it was. And, uh, so I got to do that. And, and I actually shot the 1911 handgun that my grandpa would have had at war.

[00:44:24] And the reasons I did this, and I don’t feel like I have to justify it, but I, I think it’s really interesting is that I have war in my bloodline. And I can imagine, and I can read, and I can do all of these things to try to understand the experience that these People had, but what I can’t know is how it felt, the tactile feeling of what it is you were carrying and doing.

[00:44:49] And so shooting those two guns, I hated shooting in 1911. It just didn’t feel good. And I couldn’t imagine having to wield it to save my life, but I know you get training and I had none. [00:45:00] And then shooting my great great grandmother’s Civil War gun was like everything you assume it is, which is like, how did anybody live? It’s just like, hold on, everybody, I’m shooting, just a second, now I’m loading, wait, just hold on, goddammit! Now I’m pounding it, now I’m blowing down it, I didn’t even know about the blowing down it, that was new to me, I had all the other stuff. But anyway, um, and

[00:45:21] Brett: it’s a fucking Nintendo cartridge.

[00:45:23] Jeff: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And both of my boys shot very old guns.

[00:45:28] Anyway, I don’t know why I’m going off on this because, but the point is, even though I’ve kind of built a sort of a comfort with it, um, I’m fascinated with them as machines. I know that’s like a cliche to say, but I do rebuild old machines. Um, but all that to say, I can’t, I’m not at a point where I can imagine, when I do imagine having one in the house, it terrifies me.

[00:45:49] Like, it

[00:45:50] Brett: Isn’t there a history, isn’t there a history of weapons museum in Minneapolis? Have you been

[00:45:56] Jeff: I went to one in Wyoming, I haven’t been to one in

[00:45:58] Brett: I thought there was one in [00:46:00] Minneapolis or, or maybe north of Minneapolis. There’s like this, it’s a small museum that goes like history of weaponry from like slingshot to trebuchet to swords and spears and uh, into like modern, into like the era of gunpowder and um, It sounds like a fascinating tour.

[00:46:24] Um, my home protection is a baseball bat. Um,

[00:46:28] Jeff: Which I would also be nervous about wielding.

[00:46:31] Brett: I’m pretty comfortable with that. Um, but

[00:46:35] Jeff: don’t think I can, I think if I hurt somebody, no matter what they were doing, I would feel awful. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

[00:46:45] Brett: I’m sorry you came into my house at

[00:46:47] Jeff: sorry. You came into my, it was a bad decision. We can both agree, but you shouldn’t be hurt for it. You know, I’ve, I’ve, we used to visit death row. I understand.

[00:46:55] Brett: I have a friend who just got

[00:46:56] Jeff: Sorry. Wait, hold on to anybody who has been through a murder or [00:47:00] something like that. I did not mean to say that lightly because it is not how I think about that stuff.

[00:47:03] Anyway,

[00:47:04] Brett: I have a friend who just got shot on his like third surgery and

[00:47:10] Jeff: shot where?

[00:47:11] Brett: in Like, geographically, you’re on his

[00:47:14] Jeff: in the body.

[00:47:15] Brett: uh, stomach, I think, uh, missed any major organs, but caused enough internal damage, um, that he’s been touch and go for a while, and he doesn’t have transportation, and his parents came to stay with him, he’s I can’t remember where he’s from, but it’s out of the country.

[00:47:34] Um, his parents came to stay with them and they also don’t have a vehicle. So they’re like walking a mile to get groceries and carry groceries back home to him. Um, so like he’s part of Elle’s drumming group. And so the drumming group is kind of rallying together to like get him to his doctor’s appointments and stuff.

[00:47:56] But, um, yeah, it happens even in small [00:48:00] town. I think he got shot in Wisconsin. We’re right on the border, but

[00:48:05] Jeff: Safety’s off! Uh, as if you

[00:48:11] Brett: All I know is he’s currently staying in La Crosse, Wisconsin. One of one of America’s drunkest cities.

[00:48:19] Jeff: that’s right, exactly, exactly, yeah, I’m sh I’m shot? Put some fudge in there! Sorry, again, not making light, I don’t know this person, I’m still in Wisconsin mode, um, well, okay, let’s get the fuck out of this, cause I just

[00:48:36] Brett: Sure. They’re in, in L’s, African drumming group. There are two brown people, um,

[00:48:42] Jeff: that’s how African drumming groups go in the Midwest.

[00:48:45] Brett: One of, one of them actually from Africa, who is

[00:48:48] Jeff: African white person.

[00:48:49] Brett: No . Uh,

[00:48:51] Jeff: Because that’s the other way those go.

[00:48:52] Brett: no. Uh uh, Zimbabwean, I think. Um, but, uh, he got [00:49:00] arrested. during like a mental break um

[00:49:06] Jeff: setting me up to make fun? And then you tell me something where I’m like, well, I’m the biggest fucking asshole in the world. You got it. You’re doing something out of order. And I don’t appreciate it.

[00:49:16] Brett: but his his court date keeps getting delayed so he’s been i think he’s out of prison now or out of jail now but like he’s he’s It’s affecting his employment and everything. And the other Brown person got shot and is in the hospital and it’s been, it’s been a rough day for the drumming groups. Uh, Brown representation.

[00:49:39] Jeff: I don’t need it. I have no comment. I’m just I’m done. I’m done

[00:49:45] GrAPPtitude Picks: Privacy and Productivity Apps

[00:49:45] Brett: Should we do some grAPPtitude? Should we?

[00:49:47] Jeff: Yeah, let’s do it.

[00:49:49] Brett: Um, I can kick it off if you would like,

[00:49:52] Jeff: Please.

[00:49:53] Brett: would that be, would that be

[00:49:54] Jeff: Yeah, I need a minute to I am. So hold on. I used to have this problem. And I’ve worked it out through [00:50:00] therapy. But I have a feeling it’s rightly applied here, which is, I’d come home from a party, and I would just lay in bed replaying the tape of what the shit I said. Not drunk, just the shit I said, because I got excited, I was in a social situation, I didn’t know what to do with myself, and I would play it back in horror, but I never had a recording. And so, I just want to ask anybody who’s a regular listener, I think you know me by now. I, I don’t really know what I just did, but, but I know who I am, and I may have slipped a little bit. And, uh, I love everybody.

[00:50:39] Brett: Innocent, you’re innocent. I set you up for all of this.

[00:50:44] Jeff: Nah, yeah, a person like me can’t be innocent. How German are you enough to be culpable?

[00:50:49] That’s been my line for a long time. But again, just let me stop, I gotta dig out. Go GrAPPtitude. Jesus Christ. Everybody? Mind Erase.

[00:50:59] Brett: Um, [00:51:00] okay, so, I, again, in light of Politics right now have once again, uh, for the first time in a few years become very privacy obsessed. Um, which is weird for me because I’m a very public person. Um, and I do share way too much on social media and on my blog. Um, but as far as my internet

[00:51:25] Jeff: And on your podcast.

[00:51:26] Brett: And on my podcast, like, I’m not, I’m not a private person, um, but like, as far as personal data goes, I’ve been, I’ve been using, uh, deletion services, uh, that like, go out and remove your traces from the internet.

[00:51:43] Um, things like home address and, uh, and email addresses and things like that. Um, but, uh, so I set up a VPN on my home router. So all traffic in the home is protected and I’ve switched. I’ve been using Nord just because I [00:52:00] already had a subscription to them. And I didn’t, because I had already paid for like a four year, I got a good deal on like a four year plan.

[00:52:07] Um, I didn’t bother looking into what their logging practices are, um, and I feel,

[00:52:13] Jeff: It’s the thought that counts.

[00:52:15] Brett: I feel silly about that, but, um,

[00:52:18] Jeff: Anyway, sorry. I didn’t.

[00:52:20] Brett: I might, I might consider switching at some point. Uh, my router will let any OpenVPN compatible provider be my home network VPN. But anyway, As a browser, I’m switching to using Tor, the Tor browser, um, which does its own obfuscation of your search, your, your like, uh, your, your travels through the internet, um, and can like onionize even DuckDuckGo searches and, um, and provide a secondary layer of protection.

[00:52:54] And it’s based on Firefox. So a lot of my plugins. Um, my [00:53:00] extensions still work. Um, I can use Ghostry and Wacona’s not working, which is a bummer, but, um, and then I was also going to mention Signal, um, for anyone privacy obsessed, Apple Messages is actually pretty good for end to end encryption and, uh, no server logs.

[00:53:21] Um, or at least accessible, readable server logs. Um, uh, and WhatsApp is okay, but it’s also owned by Meta, which I inherently distrust, but Signal, um, you can use, you know, it’s donationware, but you can use it for free and, uh, offers very good end to end encryption, disappearing messages, everything you would want for communicating with your anarchist cohorts.

[00:53:48] Um, so those are.

[00:53:50] Jeff: bandana are you going to wear to the protest? Are you an informant? You can tell me it’s private.[00:54:00]

[00:54:01] Brett: You’re killing me, um, yeah, but Tor and Signal, those are my, my dual picks for this week.

[00:54:09] Jeff: I use, um, I use Tor to get eBooks. There’s a great service, Anna’s eBooks, I think, whatever it is. Not that I actually download them. I just want to see what is pirateable. You know, and so strictly academic, um, but that’s most, that’s mostly why I’ve fired Tor off lately, but I’m so grateful that it exists.

[00:54:31] It’s there for you.

[00:54:33] Brett: Yeah.

[00:54:33] Jeff: Yeah.

[00:54:34] Brett: Are you, are you my friend on Signal? Are we,

[00:54:38] Jeff: You only have one friend on signal and you don’t know who it is.

[00:54:41] Brett: No. Um, I have like 30 regular conversations going on Signal now. Um,

[00:54:48] Jeff: will tell you, uh, I’ll tell you the name of my compound now. It’s a, it’s ab BadBad, uh, and when I, when I signal you ab BadBad, I know that I’m doing it safely,

[00:54:57] Brett: there you go, there you go.

[00:54:59] Jeff: and that’s how you know it’s me.[00:55:00]

[00:55:00] Brett: We’ll keep it private.

[00:55:01] Jeff: Yeah, yep yep yep. Woo! Uh, yeah, I’ve been kind of trying to figure out which I want to pick, but, um, I’m going to say, I’m going to say this app, and I want to know, I want everyone to know I’m saying it with a little bit of disdain for the culture around the app, but a little bit of admiration for the corners of the culture around the app.

[00:55:24] I, I I have been using, actually in a dedicated, consistent way, for three or four weeks now, I’ve been using Obsidian. I built that up enough, didn’t I? Everyone loves Obsidian, but Jesus Christ, the YouTube sphere on trying to just, just be curious about Obsidian beyond like, look at this! You can have all of your knowledge at one place!

[00:55:44] Like, what fucking knowledge do you have that you’re linking up that’s so goddamn worth it? I want to know that because every example you show me is like fucking Lord of the Rings shit. Like, it’s like, give me something new. Anyway, I, I’ve always liked Obsidian and, and I really love, I [00:56:00] love the community around it.

[00:56:01] It’s just, if I don’t watch YouTube, then I can really love the community. Um. And, yeah. And it has been, um, a really good run. Normally when I try something like Obsidian, Noteplans, one of these apps for me in the past, like there are apps that I open up and they make sense for me immediately, and I cannot build the habit.

[00:56:19] And, and, and I try to, I try to immerse myself in a way that’s unsustainable. And, and what I did this time with Obsidian that’s been so helpful is I just said, okay, what are the basics I need to do and, and does this do it for me? Right. Um, and, and then I started adding plugins, right? Like, and it’s been just an amazing place for me to do thinking.

[00:56:42] Um, I Really appreciate the kind of community of developers out there who are constantly creating really interesting things. And I won’t just like go and list all of the plugins I’m using, but like on a fundamental level, I wanted to be able to go in there, [00:57:00] make my notes, have a good markdown linter. I love a good linter, you know, I like something that constrains me a little bit and make it exactly as pretty as I want it to be, which is pretty simple.

[00:57:10] Uh, kind of pretty, but, um, it just matches my brain quite perfectly. And, um, I also love pulling in all of my, um, through Readwise, you can pull in all of your highlights from Apple Books, from Kindle, from Instapaper. Um, All kind of in the service of like the sort of Zettelkasten style of, I’m going to have, you know, a note for every kind of thing.

[00:57:34] But for me, I just want to get, I want a markdown file that has all of my highlights from a book. Um, and, and I love just kind of browsing that. And if I’m in a place where I’m trying to kind of write it just freely, um, being able to just browse something and get kind of inspired has been really powerful for me.

[00:57:53] Um, but anyway, when I first tried Obsidian, it was like, I tried it. Right out of using Roam, you’re a Roam, which is like, [00:58:00] this was back when like you would only use these things in kind of like a strictly personal knowledge management way or like Zettelkasten way and I love the rigidity of that. I just can’t sustain it.

[00:58:11] Um, there’s like, my brain’s very attracted to it, but the rest of me can’t handle it. Um, And so I always kind of, like, flamed out. And when I decided, like, I’m just gonna, like, drop my, my folder of text files in here, and, and play around and see what I can do, I’ve just found myself very comfortable inside of it.

[00:58:31] I’m not, I feel like I’m not saying a lot of very interesting things about Obsidian, but I also feel like a lot has been said about Obsidian. And the real headline for me here is, I’ve been using it consistently for almost a month, which is, which is definitely a sign that I might have actually adopted it.

[00:58:45] Brett: long should we wait before we check in with you to see if it’s still in use?

[00:58:51] Jeff: I would say like a, a month, but honestly, I brought this to therapy because I was like, I, I just have a tendency that is very, [00:59:00] very, like, very much reflects like my inner life, which is, uh, the relationship between order and chaos is, is really just kind of strange and sometimes hard to manage, manage for me.

[00:59:11] So like, I can present and I can be an incredibly orderly person and in that same space. I can have so much chaos around the orderly core. So, you know, as, as an example, there was a long period where you could go into my workshop and there’d be one little area, kind of a bay created by shelves. And it’s filled with toolboxes that are all labeled with the same paint marker and are labeled very clearly.

[00:59:33] And I can go in and reach everything. If you go past that, it’s chaos, right? Like, and so for me, whenever I’ve. been operating especially with text files. I might have NVUltra, back in the day, NVAlt, I’m not just trying to warm you up, this isn’t foreplay, Brett, but I would use these different things and I would have all this order in a folder of notes and then it would be surrounded by papers, just, you’ve imagined just papers [01:00:00] flying all over the room, right?

[01:00:02] So anyway, um, I actually was kind of addressing this with my therapist, and I won’t get into that, but basically the challenge for me was, I want to just grab a system and just hold onto it. I want to hold onto it with all of my might, and have that actually be the goal. Not that it’s perfect inside of it, not that I execute it perfectly, but that I hold onto it and don’t abandon it and go into kind of chaos.

[01:00:26] So, very specific to me, I mean, I’m sure somebody Relates out there, but so anyway, that’s been, that’s been lovely using obsidian and, and, and just having it, you know, it’s got a great sync with the phone. It looks great on the phone. Um, and I’ve struggled with that forever. Just wanting to have the same app on my Mac and on my phone that I’m working in my text files in.

[01:00:47] Um, I do that with drafts, but just

[01:00:49] Brett: For, for the record, Envy Ultra will have an iOS app. If we ever get the Mac app out the door, the iOS app will come shortly

[01:00:56] Jeff: lovely. Great app.

[01:00:58] Brett: like I, Obsidian is [01:01:00] amazing. Like I, um, am often astounded by what it can do, but for my needs, um, I just don’t need the plugin architecture and everything in my daily life.

[01:01:14] Um, it’s so cool. It’s such a great app, but I just,

[01:01:18] Jeff: Plugins often kind of fuck me up. Like with VS Code, I keep, you know, this, I keep going from Sublime Text to VS Code, and then I start looking at all the plugins, and then I put them all in there, and then I feel like, wait, all I actually need is what I’ve been doing in Sublime Text for 15 years, or whatever.

[01:01:33] Brett: Recommendation for VS Code is start using profiles and have like a profile where you, where you just overload on extensions and try everything, but then one profile that is only what you decide you actually need to function. Um,

[01:01:49] Jeff: Yeah, that’s really smart.

[01:01:51] Brett: real quick, I can’t remember. I think it was on this podcast. We were talking about replacements for pinboard

[01:01:57] Jeff: Yeah, yeah, we were.

[01:01:58] Brett: And I talked about [01:02:00] LinkWarden being a beautiful, uh, substitute and you were like, I don’t need beautiful. What I want is basically

[01:02:07] Jeff: It’s actually that Beautiful fucks me up. Like, I can’t follow Beautiful. Yeah.

[01:02:11] Brett: I discovered LinkedIn, um, which is a self hosted, almost one to one replacement for pinboard. And, um, I originally ran it on a service called Pikapods, but then discovered I could just run it on my Synology and I could make my, I could make it, I could open a port and the world could see my. Shared bookmarks, just the way I did on, um, on Pinboard.

[01:02:36] So, I’ve switched everything over to running LinkedIn on my Synology with a version of LinkedIn that allows for full HTML archiving. Um, so all of my webpages, all of my webpages are saved in full onto my Synology. And for those who are interested who aren’t Jeff, [01:03:00] um, I published a, uh, LinkedIn Allots for Custom CSS.

[01:03:05] Um, so I wrote a CSS style that makes LinkedIn look like link warden. Uh, so you have a bunch of like, like a card for each link with a big image at the top and then all of the information. Yep. This is not for Jeff. This is,

[01:03:20] Jeff: OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[01:03:21] Brett: this is for others who, who prefer such a layout. Um, entirely optional though.

[01:03:26] ’cause LinkedIn without any custom CSS looks almost exactly like Pinboard. So if that’s what you want, check out LinkedIn. I’ll throw a note in.

[01:03:36] Jeff: I’ll check it out. I’ll check it out.

[01:03:38] Brett: Uh, I can also give you an account on my Synology server.

[01:03:42] Jeff: Ooh, nice! Peekapods! Keeps coming up lately. Is it new? Cause I just, all of a sudden I hear about Peekapods all the

[01:03:49] Brett: Um, I don’t, I don’t know how long they’ve been around. I just discovered it when I was, at the same time I was looking into LinkedIn. Um, and for like a dollar a month, you can run [01:04:00] a little VPS that can,

[01:04:02] Jeff: of that.

[01:04:02] Brett: that can handle something

[01:04:04] Jeff: about anything for a dollar a month.

[01:04:05] Brett: just, you spin up like one off EPSs, uh, like this one is just for running LinkedIn this, and they have a whole catalog of like open source projects.

[01:04:15] You can spin up, um, for one to 3 a month and, uh, sign your own custom domain too. And.

[01:04:22] Conclusion and Final Thoughts

[01:04:22] Brett: Alright, well this has been fun Jeff,

[01:04:27] Jeff: Yeah, good to talk to ya.

[01:04:28] Brett: made it through just over an hour without having to go lay down, so this is great.

[01:04:33] Jeff: Be careful going back up the stairs, for fuck’s sake.

[01:04:36] Brett: I will, after standing up from this chair, I will stand almost still for a full minute and then will walk around for another full minute before attempting to go up the stairs because sometimes I pass out a Good.

[01:04:52] Like minute and a half to two minutes after I stand up, like all of a sudden it like sneaks up on me and I just, [01:05:00] just flopped out on the ground face first.

[01:05:02] Jeff: That, listeners, is a man with a safety plan.

[01:05:06] Brett: I, I am learning. I am learning.

[01:05:09] Jeff: Alright, get some sleep?

[01:05:12] Brett: Get some sleep.