My Mormon Mission Gave me PTSD - Rian Anderson | Ep. 1922

Jul 29, 2024

Rian Anderson, a former missionary with a tumultuous journey through the Church, shares her experiences of mental anguish and PTSD after her mission. She recounts expectations of love and service met with oppression and isolation during COVID-19. Rian discusses the tension between family loyalty and church demands, especially as her family lost faith. She highlights the emotional strain caused by strict rules and the journey to reclaim her identity, ultimately discovering that true family love was what she had all along.

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Intro

00:00 • 2min

Navigating Faith: The Journey of Informed Consent in Mormon Missionary Work

02:16 • 6min

Navigating Faith and Family

07:55 • 24min

Navigating Intuition and Purity Culture in a Religious Community

31:28 • 4min

Exploring the Restrictive Nature of the Honor Code and Sexuality in a Religious Community

35:02 • 3min

Navigating Faith and Identity

38:13 • 11min

Navigating Missionary Expectations

49:02 • 30min

Navigating Emotional Struggles on a Mission

01:19:23 • 22min

Missionary Phone Audits: A Culture of Control

01:41:02 • 11min

Shame and Struggle in Mormon Missions

01:51:51 • 25min

Navigating Emotional Turmoil in Missionary Work

02:16:46 • 26min

Struggles of Missionary Care and Isolation

02:42:41 • 15min

Struggles of Isolation and Obedience

02:57:41 • 7min

The Cycle of Abandonment and Church Teaching on Suffering

03:04:33 • 2min

Navigating Faith and Family After Mission

03:06:21 • 16min

Breakaway from Beliefs

03:22:02 • 22min

Navigating Faith Transitions and Missionary Challenges

03:44:14 • 4min

Reclaiming Identity Post-Mormonism

03:48:40 • 5min

Symbolism of Freedom Through Tattoos and Self-Belonging

03:53:58 • 2min

A Heartfelt Farewell and Call for Support

03:56:24 • 2min

As the first to be “born in the covenant” to convert parents, Rian Anderson's world revolved around the Church, until her mission became a crucible of mental anguish and familial tension. Expecting her experience to be one based on love and service, Rian was instead met with strict rules, surveillance, and spiritual turmoil as she continually felt forced to act against her own conscience & integrity. Through it all, Rian found support through weekly calls with her family, which she cherished. That is, until her family’s mounting concern for Rian’s welfare coincided with their loss of faith in the church.

The oppressive atmosphere coupled with isolation due to the initial rise of COVID began to take its toll on her mental and physical health, neither of which were adequately addressed. Amid despair over her family's disaffection from Church, Rian experienced a burst ovarian cyst, an incredibly painful condition that can have severe complications. Instead of being advised to go to the hospital, she was made to wait it out instead, and as she began to battle depression and suicidal thoughts, her mission leaders' response was shocking: accusations of pride and instructions to cut ties with her doubting family.

Certain that their concern for Rian’s spiritual well-being was superior to the love her “fallen” family had to offer back home, her Mission President and his wife insert themselves as surrogate parents for the remainder of her mission and beyond. Despite this initial interference, Rian finds herself facing her own faith crisis. As she considers what the actions of her “mission parents” truly cost her, Rian discovers for herself the real meaning of family, and her family had it all along.

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