From Crisis to Connection - with Geoff & Jody Steurer
Why Some People Stay Stuck in Betrayal Trauma (And How to Move Forward)
Podcast summary created with Snipd AI
Quick takeaways
- Connection through supportive relationships is crucial for healing from betrayal trauma, as isolation can hinder progress and recovery.
- Understanding the CAVED framework, which includes Connection, Advocacy, Validation, Education, and Direction, provides essential tools for navigating healing.
Deep dives
Understanding the Healing Process
Healing from betrayal trauma is a deeply individual journey that varies for each person. Some individuals successfully navigate these turbulent waters and emerge stronger, while others may feel immobilized, struggling to identify a path forward. The complexity of this healing experience has been amplified in recent years, with an increase in severe cases involving physical infidelity and other compounded factors. Understanding these nuances is crucial for both therapists and individuals seeking support, as recognizing the unique challenges can lead to more effective healing strategies.
Factors Influencing Healing
The discussion outlines several critical factors impacting healing from betrayal, labeled with the acronym CAVED, which stands for Connection, Advocacy, Validation, Education, and Direction. Connection emphasizes the importance of having a support system, whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted individuals who genuinely understand the pain of betrayal. Advocacy focuses on having at least one person who champions your healing journey, while Validation highlights the need for being seen and understood in one's experiences. Furthermore, Education equips individuals with the necessary knowledge regarding betrayal trauma, which is essential to aid in personal understanding and recovery.
The Role of Emotional and Physical Safety
Safety is fundamental in the recovery process from betrayal trauma, encompassing emotional, spiritual, and physical dimensions. A sense of emotional safety allows individuals to feel secure in their relationships, free from deception and incongruence, which can significantly impact mental health and personal stability. When individuals experience betrayal, creating a safe environment becomes essential to facilitate open dialogue and rebuilding trust. Ultimately, this safety is a precursor to deeper healing, as individuals can only truly thrive when they feel secure in their vulnerabilities.
Challenges That Hinder Progress
Several challenges can hinder progress in healing, including past trauma, pre-existing mental health conditions, and life circumstances like pregnancy or job loss. Length of the relationship and the developmental immaturity of the individuals involved also play crucial roles in determining the trajectory of recovery. Individuals steeped in emotional immaturity may struggle to respond appropriately to the betrayal, complicating their healing journey. Recognizing these factors helps not only in understanding what may be blocking healing but also in providing a road map for addressing these challenges head-on, preparing individuals for a constructive path forward.
Healing from betrayal trauma is a deeply personal journey, but why do some people seem to heal and move forward while others stay stuck? In today’s episode, we welcome back Dr. Jill Manning, a renowned therapist, researcher, and speaker with over 20 years of experience in betrayal trauma recovery.
Dr. Manning shares the key factors that help betrayed partners heal, as well as the common obstacles that slow down the recovery process. She offers practical steps to move through the pain and build a life of stability, connection, and renewed purpose—whether or not the relationship survives.
If you’ve been feeling stuck in your healing journey, this episode will give you clarity, direction, and hope.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
⏳ [03:00] – The rising severity of betrayal trauma and why cases are more complex today
⏳ [08:15] – The 5 key factors that help betrayed partners heal (CAVED Framework)
⏳ [15:30] – Why connection is essential and how isolation keeps people stuck
⏳ [22:45] – The role of advocacy—having at least one person who truly understands you
⏳ [28:00] – Why validation is critical and how to avoid minimizing your experience
⏳ [34:10] – The impact of education—why learning about betrayal trauma helps you heal
⏳ [40:00] – Why having a clear roadmap (direction) makes all the difference
If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it. And don’t forget to leave a review—we’d love to hear how this podcast is supporting your healing journey!
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If you’re looking for structured guidance, support, and a clear roadmap for recovery, check out my Courageous Together Program—an online course and support system designed to help couples rebuild trust and connection. Inside, you’ll get:
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About Geoff Steurer:
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, relationship educator, and coach with over 20 years of experience. I am the co-author of, "Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity", the host of the weekly podcast, "From Crisis to Connection", and have produced workbooks, audio programs, and online courses helping couples and individuals heal from the impact of sexual betrayal, unwanted pornography use, partner betrayal trauma, and rebuilding broken trust. As a leader in the field, I am a frequent contributor on these subjects at national conferences, documentaries, blogs, magazines, and podcasts. I also write a weekly relationship advice column available on my blog. I founded and ran an outpatient sexual addiction and betrayal trauma recovery group program for over 14 years, co-founded and chaired a local conference to educate community members about harmful media, and founded and administered a specialized group therapy practice for over 10 years. I currently maintain a private counseling and coaching practice in beautiful Southern Utah where I live with my wife and children.
About Jody Steurer:
Jody has been a strong voice supporting women as co-host of the podcast “Speak Up Sister”. She completed a bachelor's degree in psychology from Brigham Young University and is an ACA certified coach. She runs a small business and has years of experience in corporate training and organization. Jody’s most challenging work has been raising her four children (two of which are on the autism spectrum). She loves to do landscape design, paint in watercolor, spend time outdoors, and snow ski.
About Dr. Jill Manning:
Dr. Jill Manning is a distinguished clinician, speaker, researcher, and thought leader with over two decades of experience in addressing sexual betrayal, compulsive sexual behavior, and the impact of internet pornography on marriages and families. Her work has been widely recognized, with features in peer-reviewed journals, national television programs, documentaries, radio shows, podcasts, and publications such as The Oprah Magazine.
As a Social Science Fellow in Washington, D.C., Dr. Manning was invited to testify in 2005 before a U.S. Senate subcommittee, where she delivered compelling testimony on the harms of pornography on the family. Her advocacy and expertise continue to shape the conversation around these critical issues.
Originally from Calgary, Alberta, Dr. Manning now resides in Colorado, where she runs a private practice and leads monthly betrayal trauma intensives, offering specialized care and support to those affected by relational trauma.
https://drjillmanning.com/
https://drjillmanning.com/digital-downloads/
https://drjillmanning.com/intensives/
https://www.instagram.com/drjillmanning/
The advice offered through Geoff Steurer's podcasts is educational and informational in nature and is provided only as general information. It is not meant to establish a therapist-patient relationship or offer therapeutic advice, opinion, diagnosis treatment or to establish a standard of care. Although Geoff Steurer is a trained psychotherapist, he is not functioning in the role of a licensed therapist during these podcasts, but rather using his training to inform the content. Thus, the content is not intended to replace independent professional judgment. The content is not intended to solicit clients or patients, and should not be relied upon as medical or psychological advice of any kind or nature whatsoever. The information provided through the Content should not be used for diagnosing or treating a mental health problem or disease. The information contained in these communications is not comprehensive and does not include all the potential information regarding the subject matter, but is merely intended to serve as one resource for general and educational purposes.
Episode 288
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