SPFPP 367: Herpes and Nonmonogamy - Integrated Identities for Vulnerability

This episode features a real, open convo with Tamar Weir—someone I connected with through her honesty about living with herpes and navigating non-monogamy. Tamar shares her story of being diagnosed with HSV-2 in college, the support she had early on, and what it’s been like moving through the world with both herpes and a relationship style that challenges the norm.

We talk about disclosure fatigue, especially when you’re non-monogamous and have to keep having the STI conversation over and over. Tamar shares how she’s shifted from educating people out of insecurity to setting more intentional boundaries—and what it means to not just disclose, but to decide when and how it’s worth it.

We also get into how different the stigma around herpes feels outside the U.S., the emotional labor of being “the one who always starts the hard conversations,” and how she’s found strength through softness. If you’ve ever felt like dating requires too much emotional detachment, or if you’re navigating how to talk about herpes in sex-positive spaces, this one will land.

Tamar runs a blog called Everything Juicy and an Instagram page called Pomegranate Pleasure (@pomegranatepleasure on Instagram) where she explores sexuality, taboo, and the sensual side of being human. You’ll hear how both herpes and non-monogamy have been portals for her into deeper self-awareness, body wisdom, and connection with others.

General Notes:

• Disclosure Fatigue + Non-Monogamy – The energy drain of having to educate new partners while also managing the burden of stigma.

• Support Matters – Tamar’s initial support system helped her form a healthy relationship with her diagnosis.

• Stigma Feels Cultural – Her experiences outside the U.S. reinforce how much of herpes stigma is socially constructed here in the States.

• Shifting from Educating to Boundary-Setting – She shares how disclosure shifted from proving worth to honoring capacity.

• Navigating Sex-Positive Spaces – We talk about navigating play parties and kink spaces with an STI and the mixed reactions someone can face.

• Reframing the Body’s Wisdom – Her outbreaks became cues for rest and self-reflection, not shame.