Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

My Child Is So Mean to Me

Sep 29, 2021
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ANECDOTE

Parent Letter: 'My Child Is So Mean'

  • A parent wrote about a smart, strong-willed four-year-old who says hurtful things and acts aggressively.
  • The parent fears dampening her spirit but feels unable to let the mean behavior pass.
INSIGHT

Surface Lens Creates Distance

  • Seeing behavior only on the surface creates distance and judgement between parent and child.
  • A deeper empathetic lens reveals motives and heals the relationship.
INSIGHT

Mean Behavior Hides Fear

  • Intense, strong-willed children often act out from fear and poor regulation, not cruelty.
  • Those behaviors can be the child's way of testing attachment after changes like a sibling's arrival.
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