“How to Break Up with Your Friends" and more with Erin Falconer
May 16, 2023
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Today we have a conversation with Erin Falconer, therapist and author of the book 'How to Break Up with Your Friends', discussing the importance of intentional friendship and how to navigate conflicts in these relationships. Erin explains her inspiration for writing her book, noting that while society is obsessed with tracking information, such as calorie intake, steps taken, there is no agreed-upon language or blueprint for navigating friendship. Normalizing intentional friendships can help us all work towards fostering stronger, more fulfilling friendships in our lives. It's okay to take a deeper look at our friendships and evaluate them.
Normalizing intentional friendships can lead to stronger and more fulfilling relationships.
Evaluating friendships is important to determine which ones are worth investing time and energy into.
When having difficult conversations with friends, choose the communication method that best suits their emotional state.
Deep dives
Understanding the Importance of Assessing and Nurturing Friendships
This podcast episode explores the significance of evaluating and nurturing friendships. It emphasizes the need to prioritize and invest time and energy into these relationships as they play a vital role in personal growth and well-being. The host discusses the value of understanding oneself and having clarity on personal needs and boundaries, which in turn helps in forming and maintaining meaningful friendships. The episode highlights the importance of open communication, self-advocacy, and the willingness to have difficult conversations in order to strengthen friendships and resolve conflicts.
Taking Breaks in Friendships and the Potential for Reconciliation
The podcast also delves into the topic of taking breaks in friendships and the potential for reconciliation. It shares a personal experience of a significant friendship break, highlighting the positive aspects that can come from allowing space and time for both individuals to reflect and grow individually. The episode emphasizes the importance of clear and honest communication during these breaks, stating that it creates an opportunity for personal introspection and potential healing of the friendship. It encourages individuals to have faith in the resilience of the relationship and the possibility of reconnecting when the time is right.
Navigating Friendship Challenges with Romantic Partners
The podcast addresses the challenges that arise in friendships when a friend enters a romantic relationship, especially when there is disagreement or dislike towards the romantic partner. It acknowledges the natural shifts that can occur when friends prioritize their romantic relationships, highlighting the importance of understanding and depersonalizing these changes. The episode suggests open and honest communication about feelings of hurt or loneliness, while also recognizing and respecting the friend's need to invest time in their romantic relationship. It emphasizes the need to find a balance between expressing emotions and maintaining understanding and support for the friend's choices.
Recognizing the importance of open and honest communication in friendships
Being open and honest in friendships is crucial and can lead to cathartic conversations. It is important to be prepared to receive feedback and take responsibility for one's actions. Having courageous conversations in person or on the phone, rather than through text or email, allows for better understanding and reduces miscommunication. However, it is crucial to consider the other person's emotional state and choose the method of communication accordingly. Highly defensive or emotional friends may require a more thoughtful and gentle approach.
Evaluating friendships and the possibility of friend breakups
It is important to periodically evaluate friendships and assess if they are still fulfilling or healthy. Length of time alone should not be the sole reason to stay in a friendship. Having an honest conversation about one's feelings can help determine if a friend breakup is necessary. However, it is crucial to take responsibility for one's own contribution to the dynamics of the friendship. Recognizing toxic behavior and the need for self-reflection is essential. Self-awareness and understanding personal boundaries can help maintain healthier friendships. Making new friends may require putting oneself out there and taking an active role in seeking connections.
Today we have a conversation with Erin Falconer, therapist and author of the book “How to Break Up with Your Friends”, discussing the importance of intentional friendship and how to navigate conflicts in these relationships. Erin explains her inspiration for writing her book, noting that while society is obsessed with tracking information, such as calorie intake, steps taken, there is no agreed-upon language or blueprint for navigating friendship. The lack of focus on intentional friendship can be attributed to the fact that traditional therapy only focuses on the individual, family therapy, and couples therapy, with no equivalent for friendship. Join me in this candid conversation and please, let me know your thoughts and personal experiences around this topic!
Takeaways from this episode:
Normalizing intentional friendships can help us all work towards fostering stronger, more fulfilling friendships in our lives.
It's okay to take a deeper look at our friendships and evaluate them. It's important to recognize which friendships are important to us and which ones may not be worth investing our time and energy into.
When having a difficult conversation with a friend, it's best to do it in person or at least over the phone to avoid misunderstandings and show respect for the other person's feelings.
However, if the other person is highly defensive, emotional, or reactive, it may be better to send an email so they can process their reaction and respond later.
Before deciding to end a friendship, it's important to assess whether the relationship still makes sense for you and what you need at this point in your life.
Thanks to Seed for sponsoring today's show - you all know i am obsessed with Seed for my digestive and skin health. Use my code ONTHEROCKS for 25% off your first month's supply of Seed's DS-01® Daily Synbiotic: seed.com/ontherocks
