046: Learning How to Recognize and Respond to Spiritual Narcissism

In a recent conversation with a critical pastor on the Church Disrupted Podcast, things went sideways quick! From the beginning, today's guest exhibited narcissistic responses and behaviors that can be super triggering for those who have experienced church hurt or spiritual abuse. Talk about the opposite of trauma-informed church leadership!Sadly, too many church leaders exhibit behaviors like this in conversations without even realizing the damage they can cause to parishioners. So, in today's episode, Jeff Cochran leans into the skid, breaks down the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) red flags of narcissistic responses, and shows you how to respond to them (and how not to) in a spiritual setting. There has never been a time more important than now for church leaders and staff to become trauma-informed. Narcissism and narcissistic behaviors have no place in the church, and with a little training and intentionality, we can eliminate these behaviors and learn to protect the most vulnerable people in our congregations. We can learn to listen to and love people like Jesus. Want to support SAI financially?https://donorbox.org/sai-initial-funding-campaignTHANK YOU to our podcast partner, the East TN Mentorship Association! Find out more information about what they do or connect with them at https://earnyoursanctuary.com/ . TELL THEM WE SENT YOU for a special rate that is ONLY for Church Disrupted Podcast listeners.Find out more about the Church Disrupted Podcast at https://www.disrupted.church/.Join the church disrupted COMMUNITY here: https://discord.gg/nbWwg8Sz6ZPlease Subscribe and Share!Chapters00:00 Introduction and Trigger Warning03:16 Recognizing Conversational Red Flags in Churches06:28 The Most Triggering Interview08:52 Using Red Flag Review Editing10:42 Identifying Wrong and Potentially Dangerous Views of the Church25:28 The Importance of Words and How They Are Said28:25 Addressing the Impact of Comments on Small Churches34:50 Identifying Red Flags and Patterns of Behavior37:16 From Small Church to Mega Church: A Personal Journey41:29 The Distinction Between Mega Churches and Giga Churches45:16 Addressing Systemic Issues in All Churches51:53 The Importance of Open Conversations About Small Church Failures01:09:21 Calling Out Narcissistic Behavior01:13:28 Red Flags and Tactics of Narcissistic Leaders01:19:04 The Issue of Plagiarism in the Church01:21:48 The Importance of Transparency in Church Finances01:35:11 The Power of Words and Definitions01:43:40 Understanding the Lack of Transparency in Churches01:45:27 Overcoming Shame and Becoming Financially Transparent01:48:48 The Use of NDAs in Churches01:51:18 The Benefits of Multi-Site Churches02:08:16 Finding Healing and Connection After Church Hurt