Most people think confidence means knowing exactly what to say. But in reality, social confidence starts with knowing how to start—not how to be perfect. In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak break down how to overcome the awkwardness of small talk, crush anxiety before it starts, and connect instantly in any room.
You’ll learn the three best ways to open a conversation (even if you’re nervous), why the “question trap” makes you less likable, and how to train your brain to love social situations. Whether you're walking into a party, a networking event, or just standing in line at a coffee shop, this episode gives you the exact tools to go from anxious to magnetic.
What to listen for
00:00:00] Why social confidence isn’t about charm—it’s about reps
[00:01:32] The hidden reason small talk feels so hard
[00:03:06] Three bulletproof openers that work in any situation
[00:05:12] The “Q&A-S” method to keep a conversation flowing
[00:06:48] Why your brain shuts down in social moments—and how to stop it
[00:08:15] Reframing nerves as energy, not anxiety
[00:09:43] The exposure ladder: how to train social confidence
[00:11:03] One challenge to level up your next five conversations
Episode takeaways
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Social confidence is a muscle—repetition builds ease
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The best openers are simple, contextual, and observational
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Avoid the “question trap”—use question, answer, statement instead
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Nervousness and excitement feel the same—your label creates your experience
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Your brain mirrors your inner dialogue—speak to yourself like you would a friend
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Use an “exposure ladder” to gradually rewire social fear into connection
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Magnetic people aren’t born—they’re built through consistent reps
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Resources from this Episode
Anna Goldfarb on Substack
Anna Goldfarb on Instagram
Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections
Check in with AJ and Johnny!
AJ on LinkedIn
Johnny on LinkedIn
AJ on Instagram
Johnny on Instagram
The Art of Charm on Instagram
The Art of Charm on YouTube
The Art of Charm on TikTok
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The Art of Charm