On Attachment #221: How to Let Go of Someone You Love (For Anxious Attachers)
Jan 6, 2026
Letting go of someone you love can be a monumental challenge, especially for those with anxious attachment patterns. Discover how these patterns create a false sense of safety in holding on. Explore the crucial difference between love and compatibility, and why feelings shouldn't dictate actions. Letting go is a recurring choice that may be accompanied by grief and discomfort, but these are essential parts of the healing process. Gain insights on handling lingering emotions without reverting to old habits, empowering you to trust your choices.
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Attachment Wiring Makes Letting Go Feel Unsafe
- Anxious attachment makes letting go feel intolerable because connection equals safety in your wiring.
- Stephanie Rigg explains this wiring drives people-pleasing, overgiving, and frantically fixing ruptures to restore safety.
Choose Actions Over Feelings
- Separate your feelings from your choices and decide based on reality, not just love or longing.
- Choose to close doors, hold boundaries, and repeatedly commit to the decision rather than waiting to 'feel ready'.
Feelings Aren't Instructions
- Anxiously attached people often treat feelings as instructions for action, which keeps them stuck.
- Recognizing feelings don't mandate behavior lets you align actions with long-term wellbeing.