4 Reasons Children Seek Validation (And How to Respond)
Sep 24, 2018
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Exploring children seeking validation post-sibling's birth, reasons behind validation-seeking behaviors, fostering self-esteem, and promoting authentic self-validation in kids.
13:17
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Quick takeaways
Validating a child's accomplishments and desires can reduce their need for external approval and boost their self-worth.
Giving undivided attention during a child's moments of accomplishment can positively impact their behavior and need for validation.
Deep dives
Importance of Providing Validation to Children
Children seek validation for various reasons, such as past experiences of receiving validation or dealing with confidence issues. The parent's response to a child seeking validation is crucial as it can impact the child's feelings of security and confidence. Offering genuine and enthusiastic validation can help reduce the child's need for external approval and strengthen their sense of self-worth.
Impact of Parental Attention on Children's Behavior
Children may seek validation as a way to gain parental attention, especially during moments of accomplishment or learning. Parents being fully present during these times and giving undivided attention can positively influence a child's behavior and need for validation. Making time for focused interactions and observant caregiving can deepen the parent-child connection and address the child's underlying needs.
Approaching Validation Requests from Children
Parents should respond to validation-seeking behaviors by wholeheartedly affirming the child's accomplishments and desires for validation. Encouraging and acknowledging the child's efforts without hesitation can fulfill their emotional needs and lessen their dependence on seeking external validation. By authentically responding to the child's requests for validation, parents can strengthen the parent-child bond and promote the child's self-assurance.
A parent writes that her 5-year-old is constantly asking, “Did I do a good job?” and seeking her parents’ validation. This mom acknowledges that her daughter’s world was rocked when her sister was born almost two years ago, and they’ve been working at supporting her to process her feelings in that regard. Now, she says, although her daughter has “let go a lot of her anger... I can’t help but wonder if it’s the result of being insecure in her relationship with us after her sister was born."
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Her exclusive audio series "Sessions" is also available for download. This is a collection of recorded one-on-one consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (SessionsAudio.com).
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